I wrote this paper for a Religion Class (REL 333) at BYU with Br. Newell during my undergrad in 2007 and just stumbled upon it while organizing some files. I was extremely, extremely conflicted about pursuing a graduate degree and when to start our family and chose to make that the topic of this paper and researched some church guidelines.
Hope this might help some other women who are having the same wonderings.
The Position of the Church on Prioritizing Womanhood: Education and/or Motherhood?
Conclusion
The church’s
position regarding the decision to continue an education or begin parenthood is
between the couple and the Lord as stated in the attached research. It is not
directly stated that one should always come before the other or whether
motherhood and education should occur tangentially. However, a main responsibility
and privilege of couples is to bring children into this world as stated in The
Family: A Proclamation to the World:
The family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal
destiny of His children…. [and] God's commandment for His children to multiply
and replenish the earth remains in force. (Faust, J.E., Hinckley, G.B., Monson, T.S., 2005)
The
commandment to “multiply and replenish the earth” was the first commandment
given to Adam and Eve anteceding the Fall (See Genesis 1:28 & Moses 2:28). This
first commandment is still as much of a commandment as it was in the beginning.
It should remain on all couples’ minds as they prayerfully ponder when to begin
bringing children into this world. It is also important to note that the spirit
doesn’t always move us with a voice of thunder and lightening.
True to the Faith, a book which
describes positions of the church on various gospel principles, elaborates on
the church’s position regarding when and how many children a couple should
have.
If you are
married, you and your spouse should discuss your sacred responsibility to bring
children into the world and nurture them in righteousness. As you do so
consider the sanctity and meaning of life. Ponder the joy that comes when
children are in the home. Consider the eternal blessings that come from having
a good posterity. With a testimony of these principles, you and your spouse
will be prepared to prayerfully decide how many children to have and when to have them. Such decisions are between the two of you and the Lord. (Faust,
J.E., Hinckley, G.B., Monson, T.S., 2004; Emphasis
added)
There is
no specific time frame that a couple must have children. Some couples may not
have children for many years while others become pregnant quickly after
marriage. We are not to judge each other in this matter. We may look to the
brethren that guide our church as examples; some of the apostles have as many
as ten children while others have two, some began their families almost
immediately while others did not. These are very private and sacred matters
that should be left between the couple and the Lord.
All of God’s children are different
and may be directed down different paths. God will not lead us astray. It is
best that we heed the promptings of the spirit as directed and counsel with the
Lord and our spouse regarding when to have children. In 1987, President Ezra
Taft Benson counseled couples at a fireside:
Young mothers and fathers, with all my heart I counsel you
not to postpone having your children, being co-creators with Father in Heaven.
Do not use the reasoning of the world, such as, ‘We’ll wait until we can better
afford having children, until we are more secure, until John has completed his
education, until he has a better paying job, until we have a larger home, until
we’ve obtained a few of the material conveniences’ and on and on. Mothers who
enjoy good health, have you children and have them early. (Benson, E.T.,
1987)
While
this counsel was stated over 20 years ago, it has not been refuted by any of
the following prophets. Couples are not to put materialistic wants above the commandments
of God. This is not to say that couples should not prepare wisely financially,
emotionally, and physically for children. However, couples should remain
cautious and prayerful as they consider their priorities- what is truly needed
and what is simply regarded as a “material convenience”?
Years before this statement by President Benson, President
Kimball counseled:
After marriage
young wives should be occupied in bearing and rearing children. I know of no
scriptures or authorities which authorize young wives to delay their families
or to go to work to put their husbands through college. Young married couples
can make their way and reach their educational heights, if they are determined.
(Kimball, S.W., 1976)
Couples should not delay beginning their
family for selfish reasons. Through faith and works couples may come to realize
and obtain their educational goals (See James 2:24). It may not be immediately
and it may not even be in this life, but the education gained from having an
eternal family is endless. President James E. Faust has also counseled that
“[We] need not try to sing all of the verses of [our] song at the same time”
(Faust, J.E., 1986). There is order to all that needs to be done.
President Gordon B. Hinckley has
counseled members of the church to obtain as much education and knowledge as
possible. “It is the obligation of every woman of this Church to get all
the education she can. It will enlarge her life
and increase her opportunities. It will provide her with marketable skills in
case she needs them” (Hinckley, G.B., 2006). President Hinckley is constantly reminding us to be
prepared for our future. Notice that he states “in case she needs them”. President Hinckley in no way is instructing
women to work hard with education and a full-time career as the goal- although there
are situations that merit this circumstance. It is important to realize that
education does not only mean knowledge gained in a university, college or
classroom setting- knowledge may be gained through an assortment of ways.
President Howard W. Hunter also stated that “Motherhood is
near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind” The purpose of our existence on this earth is to become exalted
as gods and goddesses in the next life. Should we not strive here and now to
become as near to divinity as possible? Many factors affect a couples’ life as
they contemplate when to begin bearing and raising children, but the most
important component of the decision is being led prayerfully by the Holy Ghost.
Personal Insights
As a child, I was always blessed to
have a full-time mother while my father worked outside the home. My mother was
always home upon my arrival from school and work. My father often traveled, but
was home occasionally and always helped fulfill household responsibilities.
About four years ago, my father was in a car accident which left him
permanently disabled. He has since been unable to do many things that he
enjoyed previously including sports and more importantly has not been able to
maintain a career.
My mother and father had been
married about 23 years at the time of his accident and the youngest child, my
sister, was only 8 years old. As stated in The Family: A Proclamation to the
World, “disability… may necessitate individual
adaptation” which is precisely what occurred in my family (Faust, J.E.,
Hinckley, G.B. & Monson, T.S 1995). We hoped for a few months that my
father would recover quickly and be able to return to at least part-time work
and continue providing for our family. However, even to this day he is still
not able to work. My mother had obtained a bachelor’s degree in Spanish with a
minor in French and had also worked as a teacher during the first few years of
my parents’ married life. My mom began looking for a job as soon as we realized
that their retirement money and life savings were dwindling quite rapidly.
Due in large part to my mom’s degree
and past experience she was able to attain a job that she enjoys- working as an
office assistant for LDS Facilities Management. It has been a huge blessing to
us that my mom was able to get a job that she enjoys and that provides the
necessary income for the family to survive. My mother’s job probably barely
brings in a fourth as much as my father’s job did in the past and they can only
make ends meet because my father has private disability insurance which only
lasts a few more years. They hope to pay off debt that was incurred in a
business fraud just before his accident. After the disability income runs out,
hopefully my father will have Social Security disability approved. However, for
the time being, my family is able to live well and be self-sufficient and even
still have time for the occasional vacation
With the constant rise of education
and knowledge available I realize that my mother was probably lucky to obtain
the job she currently possesses- especially as a woman who hadn’t worked in 20
years with only a bachelor’s degree. I realize that opportunities like this are
not very common, but I also realize the importance of faith that must be
exhibited and maybe that’s where I struggle the most. Occasionally I find
myself thinking that I am now obligated to get as much education as possible as
quickly as possible just to be “safe”. Sometimes I think to myself that
“something bad will happen. I just
don’t know what.”
I will graduate next year with a
Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology at the age of 20. By the time of my graduation,
my husband and I will have been married for almost two years. My husband will
still have at least 2 years left of his undergraduate degree and then he plans
to obtain both an MBA/JD. I had always planned to obtain a Master’s Degree as a
child and teenager, but I never really expected to be married this young or
even at all during my undergraduate education.
While discussing with my husband
President Hinckley’s counsel to obtain all the education we can he pointed out
that education doesn’t necessarily mean attending a university or college.
Education includes the knowledge we gain from reading and participating in
various activities and learning new skills. We have been told, “The
glory of God is intelligence, or, in other words, light and truth (D&C
93:36).” Many, if not all things, are learned through the spirit and it is this
knowledge that we take with us into the next life.
Children
are to be raised in an atmosphere of peace, love and joy- an atmosphere of the
gospel- surrounded by those that love and care for them. In order for children
to be raised in this kind of atmosphere it is essential that both parents agree
and set standards for their home. Families must participate regularly in family
home evening, prayer and scripture study starting from the first day of marriage
to establish good habits. I strongly believe that a couples’ relationship must
be firm (but obviously not perfect) before bringing children into the home. I
have witnessed the sorrow and grief that occurs when couples believe that a
child will make things better and easier. It is upon a firm foundation as a
husband and wife that children are to be raised.
While
I have not necessarily reached a conclusion for myself as to what I will do about
graduate school next year, I will continue to trust the Lord and rely upon him
for guidance. He knows my situation better than anyone- including myself.
References
““[We] need not try to sing all of
the verses of [our] song at the same time” (Faust, J.E., 1986).”
Faust,
J.E., Hinckley, G.B., Monson, T.S. (2004). Birth
Control. In True to the Faith: A Gospel
Reference. (pp. 26) Salt Lake City, UT:
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Faust,
J.E.,
Hinckley, G.B., Monson, T.S. (2005,
September).
The Family: A Proclamation to
the World. Retrieved May 16, 2007, from The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints:
http://www.lds.org/library/display/0,4945,105-1-11-1,00.html.
