Marriage is Hard, Life is Hard: "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence"

"...I would like to have a dollar for every person in a courtship who knew he or she had felt the guidance of the Lord in that relationship, had prayed about the experience enough to know it was the will of the Lord, knew they loved each other and enjoyed each other’s company, and saw a lifetime of wonderful compatibility ahead—only to panic, to get a brain cramp, to have total catatonic fear sweep over them. They “draw back,” as Paul said, if not into perdition at least into marital paralysis.

I am not saying you shouldn’t be very careful about something as significant and serious as marriage. And I certainly am not saying that a young man can get a revelation that he is to marry a certain person without that young woman getting the same confirmation. I have seen a lot of those one-way revelations in young people’s lives. Yes, there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been genuine illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don’t give up when the pressure mounts. You can find an apartment. You can win over your mother-in-law. You can sell your harmonica and therein fund one more meal. It’s been done before. Don’t give in. Certainly don’t give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. He wants everyone to be miserable like unto himself. Face your doubts. Master your fears. “Cast not away therefore your confidence.” Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you."...

Virtually everyone in the room knows the formula for revelation given in section 9 of the Doctrine and Covenants—you know, the verses about studying it out in your mind and the Lord promising to confirm or deny. What most of us don’t read in conjunction with this is the section that precedes it—section 8. In that revelation the Lord defined revelation:

I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost, which shall come upon you and which shall dwell in your heart. [I love the combination there of both mind and heart. God will teach us in a reasonable way and in a revelatory way—mind and heart combined, by the Holy Ghost.]"

http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=795

15 Reasons Why Being Married to a Therapist May Actually be More Difficult Than Dating Them

Recently, eHarmony posted an awesome article with a list of 15 Reasons to Date a Therapist. They are pretty awesome reasons!

As I was reading through them, I thought, Hm. I'm a pretty normal wife with plenty of issues. Pretty sure Aaron is a much better person for being married to a therapist than I am as the therapist.

So I came up with a little add-on for each of the eHarmony reasons for why that reason could actual be a bit of a stumbling block in a marriage thus making the spouse o the therapist the "better" marriage partner.

15 Reasons to Date a Therapist Being Married to a Therapist Isn't Anything Amazing 

(or Perhaps, Why it is Even More Difficult than the Average Marriage)

AKA 

15 Reasons Anybody Married to a Therapist Is Amazing and Deserves an Award for their Patience, Empathy and Understanding

1. Therapists are great listeners, and intentionally do so without judgement.
But when therapists have been listening to people all day long, they really just want somebody to listen to them talk without judgment.

2. Therapists keep secrets. If you’re looking for someone trustworthy, a therapist is trained in confidentiality.
This also means they may be a bit socially awkward because they can't discuss the details of their work at the local dinner parties and after-work chat may be limited when you ask about their day.

3. Therapists offer good advice and can help you make wise choices if you’re looking for input into a difficult situation.
Or they'll just sit their and ask you what you think you should do in various phrasings over and over until you've made the best decision yourself (... or have you?)

4. Therapists are compassionate.
Which means they may often come home burnt out and just not have any compassion left when you want to talk to them at the end of the day so they tell you to just, "Deal with it".

5. A lot of people are in therapy. If your date is good at what he/she does, he/she has job security.
You may end up in therapy at multiple points in your marriage because everybody needs therapy- including you, and your marriage, and your kids etc.

6. Therapists are acutely aware of emotional needs and the human condition. It’s safe to be vulnerable around them.
They carry a lot of emotions throughout the day while only showing clients brief snippets of their reactions. You will get to witness the full brunt and the crying meltdown if your spouse had a hard day or is feeling incredibly empathetic toward a client and their struggles. (You also get to see the good and great days, too. It can be a bit of a roller coaster.)

7. Therapists want to see positive change take place and are proactive when it comes to problem-solving.
You may find yourself saying to your spouse, "I just want you to listen. Stop giving me solutions."

8. Therapists are good communicators. Not only do they listen well, they help people acknowledge their own weaknesses and make healthy decisions. Game-playing and cryptic comments won’t help clients, so neither are part of their communication arsenal.
Because they aren't usually cryptic with clients, they may overdo it with you at home because they don't want to seem like they are being too bossy and powerful in your marriage and want to make sure all decisions are very mutual.

9. Therapists have seen and heard it all. Your date will not be intimidated by your crazy family.
But now you also understand why your spouse became a therapist- your in-laws. Of course he/she wasn't intimidated by your crazy family!

10. Therapists might seem like intimidating dates, but they aren’t holier-than-thou. Rather, therapists are aware of their own weaknesses, insecurities and shortcomings. You’ll soon realize that your therapist significant other could be just as confused as you are at times.
You will see them at their lowest lows and wonder, "How could anybody pay him/her for help and guidance through problems and difficulties? He/She is barely keeping it together." or "Why does anybody pay a therapist when they are really just normal people?"

11. Therapists are safe and consistent. When other people have crises, they call your date for wisdom, stability and security. Others trust that he/she will be there for them even when they make poor choices or little progress.
Your dates and quiet time could and will be interrupted by those friends that are having crises. If you are struggling, you may feel intimidated to reach out to your own spouse feeling that they already have too many other people to worry about.

12. Therapists are interesting. Instead of small talk about the weather, your date can offer interesting facts and tidbits about human behavior. Even while keeping cases confidential, therapists still have plenty of entertaining stories to share.
The entertaining stories are often surrounding socially taboo topics and will usually make other guests blush or offer a courtesy laugh as they walk away, leaving you and your spouse alone.

13. Therapists at work aren’t necessarily therapists at home. Don’t assume that a therapist is going to act or respond a certain way at home because of what he/she does for a living. Even the best therapists can neglect to make wise decisions during off hours. If you’re paranoid about getting analyzed during every fight, you may be surprised to find your date uninterested in using psychobabble outside the office.
You get to be the stronger one in the relationship and help buoy your partner when they are struggling. You will learn to pick on the smallest emotional or physical cues in your spouse and be ready to jump in at any moment to help him/her.

14. Therapists are available to those who need them. You date will understand that in certain situations, it’s important to always be available. While this may be annoying for therapists’ partners, it’s encouraging to know that your therapist date is prepared to drop everything for you when times get tough.
He/she may often be running late from work due to client's doorknob therapy or most recent crisis because he/she needed to help the client become functional and commit to safety before ending the session.

15. Therapists are emotionally strong. They help clients process heartbreaking stories all the time. If you need a shoulder to cry on, your partner will be capable of sharing the burden.
Therapists appear emotionally strong, but also get burdened at times and need a break. So, have your shoulder ready and your arms open to hold her.

*Please note that some of these may seem insensitive, but I'm just being brutally honest and/or attempting some humor here

Advice from Elder Busche

Elder F. Enzio Busche

Quorum of the Seventy

BYU Devotional May 14, 1996

I want to share with you a vehicle, an instrument, that I developed some time ago for myself and for my family. It can assist us to reach our focus as we read the suggested vision of true discipleship as a Latter-day Saint. It helps when we, from time to time, ponder and seek identification with the following thoughts.

Embrace this day with an enthusiastic welcome, no matter how it looks. The covenant with God to which you are true enables you to become enlightened by him, and nothing is impossible for you.

When you are physically sick, tired, or in despair, steer your thoughts away from yourself and direct them, in gratitude and love, toward God.

In your life there have to be challenges. They will either bring you closer to God and therefore make you stronger, or they can destroy you. But you make the decision of which road you take.

First and foremost, you are a spirit child of God. If you neglect to feed your spirit, you will reap unhappiness. Don’t permit anything to detract you from this awareness.

You cannot communicate with God unless you have first sacrificed your self-oriented natural man and have brought yourself into the lower levels of meekness, to become acceptable for the Light of Christ.

Put all frustrations, hurt feelings, and grumblings into the perspective of your eternal hope. Light will flow into your soul. Pause to ponder the suffering Christ felt in the Garden of Gethsemane. In the awareness of the depth of gratitude for him, you appreciate every opportunity to show your love for him by diligently serving in his Church. God knows that you are not perfect.

As you suffer about your imperfections he will give you comfort and suggestions of where to improve. God knows better than you what you need. He always attempts to speak to you.

Listen, and follow the uncomfortable suggestions that he makes to us—everything will fall into its place.

Avoid any fear like your worst enemy, but magnify your fear about the consequences of sin.

When you cannot love someone, look into that person’s eyes long enough to find the hidden rudiments of the child of God in him. Never judge anyone. When you accept this, you will be freed. In the case of your own children or subordinates, where you have the responsibility to judge help them to become their own judges.

If someone hurts you so much that your feelings seem to choke you, forgive and you will be free again.

Avoid at all cost any pessimistic, negative, or criticizing thoughts. If you cannot cut them out, they will do you harm.

On the road to salvation let questions arise but never doubts. If something is wrong, God will give you clarity but never doubts. Avoid rush and haste and uncontrolled words.

Divine light develops in places of peace and quiet. Be aware of that as you enter places of worship.

Be not so much concerned about what you do, but what you do with all your heart, might, and strength. In thoroughness is satisfaction.

You want to be good and do good, that is commendable, but the greatest achievement that can be reached in our lives is to be under the complete influence of the Holy Ghost then he will teach us what is really good and necessary to do.

The pain of sacrifice last only on moment. It is the fear of the pain of sacrifice that makes you hesitate to do it. Be grateful for every opportunity to serve. It helps you more than those you serve.

And finally, when you are compelled to give up something or when things that are dear to you are withdrawn from you, know this is your lesson to be learned right now. But know also that as you are learning this lesson God wants to give you something better.

Thus, we prepare all the days of our lives, and, as we grow death loses its sting, hell loses its power, and we look forward to that day with anticipation of joy when He will come in his glory.

Dear Aidan

Dear Aidan,

Within the next couple weeks, your life will be changed forever. Mine will, too. In a couple weeks, this "baby in mama's belly" will make her grand entrance and, I have to admit, I'm a bit worried about how it will affect you. There's so much unknown. I don't want you to feel forgotten or replaced. After all, you've been "my baby" your whole life the past 33 months.

I've been thinking a lot about when I went into labor with you. We were so excited and anxious to meet you! It seemed like almost everything that could go wrong after a perfectly healthy pregnancy, went wrong- emergency c-section and then you being in the NICU for almost 3 weeks while they tested for strep b, meiningitis, treated an infection, monitored your blood pressure, heart rate, we tried to teach you to eat etc. I remember panicking, but also feeling calm and knowing that everything would be okay. Your grandmother asked one of the nurses if you'd "be okay and develop as a healthy little boy despite all of the birthing complications" and I remember thinking that, of course you would. You were such a fighter- everything that was causing the doctors to worry would suddenly be gone the next time they checked. I think that was an example of your faith, too. You have been one energetic and healthy boy since then!

I see you now and I wonder, "What will I do with a baby that cannot speak to me and tell me exactly what she wants?" You've learned to ask (and demand, at times) for exactly what you think you need- even if it is that you "need choc-co-let".

I love that you are already so caring and kind. I was worried about being pregnant while also having such a rambunctious and energetic toddler. Toward the beginning of my pregnancy when I was so exhausted from working and the hormones and just feeling so sick all of the time, you were always there to comfort me and you would be calm.

One particular day, I remember I was feeling extremely tired and had made multiple trips to the bathroom. You'd stand next to my legs while I was hunched over the toilet and spit into it next to me and then get me some toilet paper to wipe my mouth. You've always been great at providing a little comedic relief when it's needed! I came over to the couch and plopped myself down with my head hung over and you came and just hugged me. Other times, you'd go and get your blankie and "babies" and bring them to me and rub my hair and say, "It's okay, Mama. Daddy was often gone at night with school, but we somehow made it through those first almost 20 weeks of pregnancy together with you helping take care of me in the evening. I know it was tough to not have me playing cars with you on the ground or doing other activities that you enjoy many of those evenings.

I'm grateful that you made me a mom. I know that I'm not always the best at being patient with you or having the most creative activities for you and I don't always take you outside when you want to go out and that you get frustrated with me. But I'm grateful for your overall patience with me as I try to figure out this parenting thing and balancing what I want with what you need and want.

You are an absolutely amazing boy! You have such a great sense of humor and I love that you do silly things purposefully to make us laugh- whether it's making silly noises with your mouth or pretending like you're falling over or playing games of peek-a-boo or blowing raspberries on my belly. It's so funny to me when you pretend to not know what something is and then giggle and make it a guessing game.


I love when you ramble on with stories that sometimes don't make the most coherent sense with such passion and expression. Your most recent one has been about a motorcycle crashing and getting "super big itty bitty owies". You sometimes tell stories where you are obviously trying to say some words, but it comes out as mush with a bunch of vowels and consonants strung together yet your expression is just so engaging and priceless. You laugh and giggle and your eyes get so wide. You are such a great story-teller already!

I love when you start to say and do things that Daddy and I say to you. Sometimes, it helps me realize how ridiculous I must sound to you. Other times, it's a reminder that we must be doing something right. Like, today, you put a piece of tape on my arm insisting it was a bandaid covering an owie and then lightly patted my arm and said "It's okay, Mama. It won't hurt. I kiss it better." and then kissed my arm.

I love that you are able to be so tough and roar and jump and climb and throw and then be soft and cuddly at other times. I love that every night you still insist that I be the one to put you to bed and you ask to "cuddle me". I know that I won't always have such a willing boy to cuddle with me in a rocking chair or on his bed when you get older, but I still hope you will cuddle up to me on the couch as you get older.

I love watching your relationship with Daddy flourish. He cares about you so much. I want you to know that not many Daddys would willingly stay home all day with you like he has for the past year while I've been working and then still be interested in spending time with you during the evening and weekends. He always does fun activities with you, too. It's amazing to hear the way he speaks about you. When we were talking about having another baby I remember he said something about how "knowing how much he loves and cares about you just makes him so much more excited to have that with another child." I hope you always continue to appreciate and love your dad and all that he does for you. It's so fun to hear you talk about "going on rides in the jeep with Dad" and "going up on the mountain with Dad". I'm always a bit jealous when he sends me pictures of you two on your adventures.

I love your excitement for church and praying. I'm sure you don't understand a lot of it, yet. But I always love when you're saying your nightly prayers and you'll look up at me and ask if you can pray for something. Your first non-prompted prayer, you prayed for Buzz Lightyear. Now, you'll pray for things like "daddy feel better" "Avalon to sleep" "Go play with doggie" "Go to nursery" and other things on your own. I love these little examples of how your mind is working and what you're aware of.

I'm amazed at the boy you are growing into. I can only imagine the great things you will be able to accomplish in your life. I hope that I can be a good example to you and give you all of the things that you need to thrive, excel and grow. I hope that you will continue to be curious about the world around you and continue asking questions and I really hope that I will know how to answer your questions, but if I don't, I bet Daddy will know and we'll go ask him.

I hope that you will continue to find the balance between being tough and being "soft". The world and culture around you will just want you to be tough all of the time as you get older, but don't get caught in that lie- you only really get to know other people when they are being vulnerable and those are the friendships worth keeping. It's okay to be sensitive and caring.

I love how you will talk to Avalon through my belly button and lay your head on my belly (which as you said today "the baby is getting so tall and big!") and just "cuddle and listen to Avalon". Today, when she gave you a little kick while your head was lying there, you just laughed it off.

I know that you will be an amazing older brother. I'm sure you'll be very protective of her. I hope that you and Avalon will be close and that you two will always look out for each other. I hope that you can teach her and be a good example to her.

I hope that you will always know that I love you and know that you have brought so much love, joy and excitement into my life. I hope that over these next few months when I am sleep deprived and trying to re-learn how to take care of a newborn that you will be patient with me and also remind me that I need to spend alone time with you, too.

I'm so excited for you to be a big brother! I hope that you know how much I only want the best for you and that you know that I absolutely, unconditionally love you (even when you are smearing poop all over the carpet and door). Thanks for being my baby boy.

Love,
Mommy

Yes, My Husband is Full-Time Dad Right Now

Aaron has been a full-time stay at home dad since the end of December while trying to figure out his next step in school and career. I have no idea what it's really like for him and he insists, "I don't care what other people think." But you'd be surprised the kind of comments I get about him staying home with Aidan. I don't think he's had very many comments directly, but I know he's aware of others' looks and possible perceptions about him.

In the past 3 weeks, I have had some stunning comments when talking to people. The conversation usually goes something like this:

"What do you do?"
"I work full-time as a therapist treating women and girls with eating disorders during the day. I'm also trying to finish a PhD in Marriage & Family Therapy."
"And what's your husband doing?"
"Right now, he's at home with our son full-time trying to figure out the next plan for school and work."

And that's when the comments get interesting to me.

"Wait, he's not working and you are?... and you're 7 months pregnant?"
"He's not in school or working?! He needs to be pulling some of the weight- don't you think?"
"Well, that doesn't seem fair."
"Um.... oh...... cool....."

I usually respond with something diplomatic like,
"Yes, our son is so lucky to have this opportunity with him. Many kids don't get this much time with their dad. They have an awesome bond. And I'm lucky to have a job I love."
"This is what works best for our family right now. It was getting a bit crazy with us both working part-time and doing school full-time and neither having benefits. This was a great fit for us right now."
"I don't expect this to be permanent nor do either one of us want it to be. I know Aaron would rather be working, but right now we're still working together on getting there."
"Yeah, isn't it great that we were blessed with this full-time job opportunity and that I've been able to receive a good education to help me get this job? Many couples are just working crazily with scheduling and neither get much time with their kids while they're in this stage of life and in school."

I don't think any of those previous comments would be said to a father who said his wife was a stay at home mom. Okay, maybe some people, but it wouldn't be as socially acceptable- right? You'd never say a SAHM wasn't pulling her weight without some repercussion.

In searching for experiences from other LDS SAHDs I came across this and enjoyed reading a first-hand experience from a dad that worked through a lot of the social stigma.

Aaron tells me about how he takes Aidan to the zoo or other places and many women look at him like "Please, don't steal my child". A child ran away from his mother the other day at the zoo and came near Aaron and his mother quickly chided him and insisted he get away and come back while flashing Aaron a panicked glance.

Or how if he's at a playground, people look at him like he's crazy for being there playing with his child.

Aaron doesn't get to just go hang out with other stay at home parents during play group. It's just not socially acceptable.

He can't just go knock doors around the neighborhood of other stay at home parents when he's feeling overwhelmed and find somebody to hang out and talk to while the kids play together.

I believe his job staying at home is actually much more difficult than it would be if it were me. There is such a support network readily available to moms- especially in the church around here.

It's just so interesting to me that there are still such firm stereotypes against men that they must be fulfilling their duty to provide for their family to "be a man". I think this is going to be a lot harder to break than women being in the workforce. Men probably do get a lot more judgement than a woman breaking from her traditional role as a full-time SAHM if they go against their traditional role as provider. Maybe men just don't whine about it as much as people like I do and that's why it's not getting as much attention? Think about how hard it typically is for a man to get time off work for a sick child or something else.

I guess the bottom line is, I'm grateful that Aaron is such a good dad and doesn't seem to care what other people think. I want to acknowledge how difficult it is for him and I think he deserves a lot more credit than people give him (and even what I give him at times) and other stay at home dads or even just fathers involved in their children's lives. Parenting isn't easy. Every child deserves a good father and mother actively involved in their life.


"HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations...

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation..." (here)

Porcupine Sex

What can porcupines teach couples everywhere? 

This warm story is a favorite of the Gottmans, because it illustrates their approach to good relationships. When Dr. Gottman speaks in the clip of bringing two sections of the bookstore together, he's referring to sex books and and relationship books. The former focus little on the quality of relationship, communication and conflict, while the latter don't spend much time on the quality of sex. John and Julie Gottman teach a dual and integrated approach in their workshops and trainings.

Saving Your Marriage

This was such a powerful and moving clip for me. It seems the sanctity and importance of family and marriage is just flying out the window these days in culture.

"A marriage, like a human life, is a precious, living thing.    If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again. 

The weakening of the concept that marriages are permanent and precious has far-reaching consequences. I speak out of concern, but with hope. 

The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us.  

Plead for the guidance of the Spirit of the Lord to forgive wrongs (as President Faust has just taught us so beautifully), to overcome faults, and to strengthen relationships. 

The kind of marriage required for exaltation—eternal in duration and godlike in quality—does not contemplate divorce."

If I'm totally honest, the "D" word has definitely been used in our marriage a couple times by myself as a threat (Never my husband- and I'm the therapist!). Sometimes, we can fool ourselves to thinking that's a better option or even that it's an option at all. This is such a great reminder from Elder Oaks about marriage and what it really is.

A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection. 

Some Tips for Disneyland with a Toddler

Aidan and I went to Disneyland with my mom and sisters a couple weekends ago. I thought I'd post some of the lessons I learned.

1. Aidan was a great age at 20 months. He was able to enjoy the atmosphere and was in awe of most things. It was perfect and just how Disneyland is meant to be. He hasn't watched much TV so far in his life, but he still thought the characters and things were cool. Characters without masks are less scary. Disneyland tickets are free. Airline tickets are unnecessary.
2. Toontown was pretty amazing for him. We went there Sunday morning and it was pretty empty. I'm not sure if it's usually like that, but I was able to let him out of his stroller and just let him run around and follow him. There are buttons on buildings that he could press and cars to sit in which he LOVED.
3. Booking Disneyland tickets through AAA saved us quite a bit of money. You can just call up your local AAA office and order them. I think they have 3-day and 5-day tickets that you just pick up in the office. I think it was $180 for a 3 day and $220 for a 5-day. (It's $200 for a 3-day ticket online through Disneyland) AAA tickets (as well as tickets bought in the local hotels) have one magic morning. The magic morning alone makes it worth it.
4. You don't really need a fast pass for World of Color unless you want to get wet and be super close. You can stand in the walkway and see just fine behind all of the fast pass people. It's totally worth seeing.
5. Stay at a hotel across the street from the park. There are quite a few. Just pull up google maps and look at all of the ones on the east side. We stayed at Camelot Inn & Suites. It's themed on the outside, but don't let this scare you away. It's really nice and clean on the inside. White toilets, no mold etc. We got a Family Suite which was perfect. We booked them through hotels.com and got 20% off our total stay using a coupon code.
6. If you want, rent a car through hotwire for the first night only. You can get it at the airport and then have them pick it up at Downtown Disney the next day. That way, you can go buy groceries and stock your kitchenette. If you have a large food budget then you don't really need a rental car at all. Use a shuttle to and from the airport.
7. Give your child naps if he/she is used to having them. Typically, toddlers sleep in the early afternoon which is when the parks are the busiest anyway. Take the time to go back to your room, enjoy a lunch, give them a nap and get a nap in yourself.
8. Flying Jet Blue was awesome. They are SUPER family friendly. They automatically allow a carseat, stroller and diaper bag for each child. They don't charge for any carryons and allow one free checked bag per ticket. Awesome. They have a great variety of snacks and drinks for free which is helpful for a toddler. They were very eager and happy to help with Aidan and get us settled in. On the way back, I asked if there were any open seats and asked if I could bring Aidan's car seat and they gave us an entire row to ourselves so Aidan could be in his car seat.
9. If you want to do all of the roller coasters and rides, don't bring your toddler or be prepared to switch off. You can get to the front of the line and do single rider and switch who has the kid. I just chose not to really do roller coasters (I don't really love them anyway) and it was perfect. There are plenty of rides Aidan could do with his height. Know your child's height before going. Just be prepared to have fun no matter what the trip brings. That's what parenthood is about anyway-right? ;-)
10. Using Ridemax is great and super helpful if you want to be able to do a bunch of rides in a short amount of time and plan your day ahead. It has never let me down. Although, downloading the free MouseWait app to my phone was awesome and saved us running around a ton. People just log on and update the waiting times of rides they've gone on. So, it'll say "Indiana Jones, 43 minutes, 4:53pm" meaning the wait was 43 minutes at 4:53pm. It was cool to be standing in line for one ride and check the other wait times to plan where we wanted to go next. The app was probably almost better for us because with a toddler you never know what will come up.
11. There is a Baby Care Center at the end of main street right across from the corn dog stand. It was awesome and quiet and relaxing. They have pumping rooms, nursing rooms, toddler toilets, microwaves, formula, wipes, bottles, diapers, nice changing tables etc. It was nice to go in there and get a break from the hustle and bustle.

Successful Marriage

“I am satisfied that happiness in marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one's companion. Any man who will make his wife's comfort his first concern will stay in love with her throughout their lives and through the eternity yet to come.”- President Hinckley

eBooks to Enrich Your Relationship

"Do you love your spouse but miss that excitement you had back when you were first dating? Are you feeling more like roommates instead of husband and wife? Wishing you could reconnect with your best friend?"

The Dating Divas are doing a special on their new books, The A to Z Guide: 26 Ways in 26 Days to a Happier, Healthier Marriage and The Ultimate Date Night Book.

Through December 31st, you can order BOTH for $27!! This is such a steal!

I have The A to Z Guide already and it's amazing. It has great tips and stories of marriage and helping to get the spark back or even just increase the spark and love within your marriage.

The Ultimate Date Night Guide has their top date night ideas as voted by their audience. I have a new years resolution to go out more frequently with my husband. This book is great because it does all the thinking for you. I'll just need to pick a day and time.
This would be a great gift for yourself, your spouse or friends that you're not sure what to buy for.

Fireproof Movie for $9.95

Fireproof the movie is currently 50% off for $9.95. I highly recommend this movie to everybody. This is a great movie about working through hard times in marriage. Yes, it's a bit cheesy, but it's still great! Some therapists I know show clips to clients. It's great for seeing how to ask for forgiveness and learn to forgive. It has Kirk Cameron from Growing Pains. Good show!

You can also purchase The Love Dare to go along with it. I haven't heard a single couple that has gotten through the entire Love Dare and still had a bad marriage. Some have been on the brink of divorce and been able to turn it around just using this book. (So I've heard)

2 Year Marriage License

http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/story/2011/09/30/mexico-two-year-marriage.html

Mexico City is considering a marriage license that expires after 2-years in hopes that unhappily married couples will simply allow them to expire in lieu of a complicated divorce process.
Instead of the traditional 'till death to us part,' couples would be able to opt for temporary commitments, test out married life, and then renew their licenses indefinitely if they are still devoted to their chosen spouse.

The proposed law would not help those with morning-after regrets. Couples who want to dissolve the marriage before two years would have to go through regular divorce proceedings.

"Two years is the minimum amount of time it takes to know and appreciate what life is like as a couple," Lizbeth Rosas, who is spearheading the proposed legislation on behalf of the Party of the Democratic Revolution, said to BBC Mundo in Spanish.

Read my good friend's post about it, too.

Thoughts?

Things Not to Say to Your Wife Song

Date Night

“Keep your courtship alive. Make time to do things together – just the two of you. As important as it is to be with the children as a family, you need regular weekly time alone together. Scheduling it will let your children know that you feel that your marriage is so important that you need to nurture it. That takes commitment, planning, and scheduling. It doesn't need to be costly. The time together is the most important element."

 - Elder Joe J. Christensen, formerly of the Presidency of the Seventy

Wake Up Calls for Husbands & Wives

Wake Up Call for Wives
Tips include: Give him time to unwind, Listen to him, Let him know how much you love and appreciate him...

“The wife, also should treat the husband with the greatest respect and courtesy. Her words to him should not be keen and cutting and sarcastic. She should not pass slurs or insinuations at him. She should not nag him. She should not try to arouse his anger or make things unpleasant about the home. The wife should be a joy to her husband, and she should live and conduct herself at home so the home will be the most joyous, the most blessed place on earth to her husband. This should be the condition of the husband, wife, the father and the mother, within the sacred precinct of that holy place, the home.”  (Gospel Doctrine, 283–84)


Wake Up Call for Husbands
“Your wife is your equal. In marriage neither partner is superior nor inferior to the other. You walk side by side as a son and a daughter of God. She is not to be demeaned or insulted but should be respected and loved. Said President Gordon B. Hinckley: ‘Any man in this Church who … exercises unrighteous dominion over [his wife] is unworthy to hold the priesthood. Though he may have been ordained, the heavens will withdraw, the Spirit of the Lord will be grieved, and it will be amen to the authority of the priesthood of that man.’ (Gordon B. Hinckley, “Personal Worthiness to Exercise the Priesthood,” Liahona, July 2002, 60; Ensign, May 2002, 54. 8)

Expressions of Love

How do you show your spouse you love him/her?

What's your favorite thing he/she does for you?

Relationship Communication

From The Parents Corner

If you are like the average couple you are only getting 2 hours 20 minutes of meaningful connection with your partner. Try the following exercises to increase the time you connect with your partner.

• Partings: Do not part in the morning without knowing one interesting thing that will happen in your partner's day. (2 minutes per day X 5 working days = 10 minutes).
• Reunions: Take 10 minutes to talk about your day (a stress relieving conversation). Partners alternate in actively listening to each other. Support and understanding of your partners experiences must precede any advice giving. (20 minutes per day X 5 working days = 40 minutes).
• Admiration and Appreciation: Find some way every day to genuinely communicate affection and appreciation toward your partner. (5 minutes per day X 7 days = 35 minutes).
• Affection: Kiss, hold, touch, hug each other. Make sure to kiss and hug in front of your kids. This lets them know that Mom and Dad are still in love. (5 minutes per day X 7 days = 35 minutes).
• Dating: Take at least three hours a week for a marital date. During this day conversations about kids, school, work, etc. are off limits. Find out more about your partner, try to understand what motivates them and how you can help them when needed. 

Marriage & Divorce

As a Marriage & Family Therapist in training, I work with some men and women struggling with really difficult decisions. Sometimes, it's really hard for me. Amazing men, women, and children go through really hard situations. I really enjoy the talk by Elder Oaks given a few years ago about the topic of Divorce.

"Whatever the outcome and no matter how difficult your experiences, you have the promise that you will not be denied the blessings of eternal family relationships if you love the Lord, keep His commandments, and just do the best you can."

Remember Lot's Wife

I attended this devotional at BYU in January 2009 and it really changed my outlook on life, my work as a therapist and my marriage.

I've put some excerpts here, but go watch it if you have the time. It's about 30 minutes long.

Remember Lot's Wife
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
As a scriptural theme for this discussion I have chosen the second shortest verse in all of Holy Scripture...It is Luke 17:32, where the Savior cautions, "Remember Lot's wife."

The original story, of course, comes to us out of the days of Sodom and Gomorrah when the Lord, having had as much as He could stand of the worst that men and women could do, told Lot and his family to flee because those cities were about to be destroyed. "Escape for thy life," the Lord said, "look not behind thee . . . ; escape to the mountain, lest thou be consumed" (Genesis 19:17).

Surely with the Lord's counsel "look not behind thee" ringing clearly in her ears, Lot's wife, the record says, "looked back," and she was turned to a pillar of salt.

So, if history is this important ‐‐ and it surely is ‐‐ what did Lot's wife do that was so wrong?

Apparently what was wrong with Lot's wife is that she wasn't just looking back, but that in her heart she wanted to go back. It would appear that even before they were past the city limits, she was already missing what Sodom and Gomorrah had offered her. As Elder Maxwell once said, such people know they should have their primary residence in Zion but they still hope to keep a
summer cottage in Babylon. It is possible that Lot's wife looked back with resentment toward the Lord for what He was asking her to leave behind. We know that Laman and Lemuel did when Lehi and his family were commanded to leave Jerusalem. So it isn't just that she looked
back; she looked back longingly. In short, her attachment to the past outweighed her confidence in the future. That, apparently, was at least part of her sin.

The past is to be learned from but not lived in.

There is something in us, at least in too many of us, that particularly fails to forgive and forget earlier mistakes in life ‐‐ either mistakes we ourselves have made or the mistakes of others. That is not good. It is not Christian. It stands in terrible opposition to the grandeur and majesty of the
Atonement of Christ. To be tied to earlier mistakes ‐‐ our own or other people's ‐‐ is the worst kind of wallowing in the past from which we are called to cease and desist.

That happens in marriages, too, and in the other relationships we have. I can't tell you the number of couples I have counseled who, when they are deeply hurt or even just deeply stressed, reach farther and farther into the past to find yet a bigger brick to throw through
the window "pain" of their marriage. When something is over and done with, when it has been repented of as fully as it can be repented of, when life has moved on as it should and a lot of other
wonderfully good things have happened since then, it is not right to go back and open up some ancient wound which the Son of God Himself died trying to heal.

Let people repent. Let people grow. Believe that people can change, and improve. Is that faith? Yes! Is it hope? Yes! Is it charity? Yes! Above all it is charity, the pure love of Christ. If something is buried in the past, leave it buried. Don't keep going back with your little sand pail and beach shovel to dig it up, wave it around, and then throw it at someone saying, "Hey! Do you remember this?" Splat! Well, guess what? That is probably going to result in some ugly morsel being dug up out of your landfill with the reply, "Yeah, I remember it. Do you remember this?" Splat. And everyone comes out of that exchange dirty and muddy and unhappy and hurt, when what our Father in Heaven pleads for is cleanliness and kindness and happiness and healing.

Such dwelling on past lives, including past mistakes, is not right! It is not the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

In these cases of marriage and family, and wards and apartments and neighborhoods we can end up destroying so many, many others.

"Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more" (D&C 58:42).

We can be so hard on ourselves, often much more so than with others! Like the Anti‐ Nephi‐Lehies of the Book of Mormon, bury your weapons of war, and leave them buried. Forgive, and do that which is harder than to forgive. Forget. And when it comes to mind, forget it again. You can remember just enough to avoid repeating the mistake, but put the rest of it on the dung heap Paul spoke of to those Philippians.

Dismiss the destructive and keep dismissing it, until the beauty of the Atonement of Christ has revealed to you your bright future, and the bright future of your family and your friends and your neighbors.

To all such of every generation I call out, "Remember Lot's wife." Faith is for the future. Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there. Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us and that Christ is the "high priest of good things to come."

Keep your eyes on your dreams, however distant, and live to see the miracles of repentance and
forgiveness, trust and divine love transform your life today, tomorrow and forever."

Luke 17:32

I often assign religious couples that I see in therapy to read and/or watch a talk given by Elder Holland. It is entitled Remember Lot's Wife. I watched this devotional (maybe sang at it, too? I can't remember) at the beginning of 2009 and often think back on it. I think it is so important to remember Lot's wife and what happened to her. I was reminded of this as I watched the most recent Mormon Message.

The most recent Mormon Message was created around the premise "Look Not Behind Thee" (Gen 19:17).

I encourage you to watch at least the Mormon Message. 

For those of you wanting to go the extra mile, I encourage you to watch Elder Holland's devotional. You can watch it at http://www.byub.org/talks/talk.aspx?id=3403. Watch it with your loved ones if you want.

Some of my favorites from this talk: 
"Faith is always pointed toward the future"

"There is something in us, at least in too many of us, that particularly fails to forgive and forget earlier mistakes in life ‐‐ either mistakes we ourselves have made or the mistakes of others. That is not good. It is not Christian. It stands in terrible opposition to the grandeur and majesty of the Atonement of Christ. To be tied to earlier mistakes ‐‐ our own or other people's ‐‐ is the worst kind of wallowing in the past from which we are called to cease and desist."

"I can't tell you the number of couples I have counseled who, when they are deeply hurt or even just deeply stressed, reach farther and farther into the past to find yet a bigger brick to throw through the window "pain" of their marriage. When something is over and done with, when it has been repented of as fully as it can be repented of, when life has moved on as it should and a lot of other wonderfully good things have happened since then, it is not right to go back and open up some ancient wound which the Son of God Himself died trying to heal. Let people repent. Let people grow. Believe that people can change, and improve."

"If something is buried in the past, leave it buried. Don't keep going back with your little sand pail and beach shovel to dig it up, wave it around, and then throw it at someone saying, "Hey! Do you remember this?" Splat! Well, guess what? That is probably going to result in some ugly morsel being dug up out of your landfill with the reply, "Yeah, I remember it. Do you remember this?" Splat. And everyone comes out of that exchange dirty and muddy and unhappy and hurt, when what our Father in Heaven pleads for is cleanliness and kindness and happiness and healing. Such dwelling on past lives, including past mistakes, is not right! It is
not the Gospel of Jesus Christ."

"We can be so hard on ourselves, often much more so than with others! Like the Anti‐ Nephi‐Lehies of the Book of Mormon, bury your weapons of war, and leave them buried.Forgive, and do that which is harder than to forgive. Forget. And when it comes to mind, forget it again. You can remember just enough to avoid repeating the mistake, but put the rest of it on the dung heap Paul spoke of to those Philippians."

"Keep your eyes on your dreams, however distant, and live to see the miracles of repentance and forgiveness, trust and divine love transform your life today, tomorrow and forever. That is a New Year's resolution I ask you to keep."