Advice from Elder Busche

Elder F. Enzio Busche

Quorum of the Seventy

BYU Devotional May 14, 1996

I want to share with you a vehicle, an instrument, that I developed some time ago for myself and for my family. It can assist us to reach our focus as we read the suggested vision of true discipleship as a Latter-day Saint. It helps when we, from time to time, ponder and seek identification with the following thoughts.

Embrace this day with an enthusiastic welcome, no matter how it looks. The covenant with God to which you are true enables you to become enlightened by him, and nothing is impossible for you.

When you are physically sick, tired, or in despair, steer your thoughts away from yourself and direct them, in gratitude and love, toward God.

In your life there have to be challenges. They will either bring you closer to God and therefore make you stronger, or they can destroy you. But you make the decision of which road you take.

First and foremost, you are a spirit child of God. If you neglect to feed your spirit, you will reap unhappiness. Don’t permit anything to detract you from this awareness.

You cannot communicate with God unless you have first sacrificed your self-oriented natural man and have brought yourself into the lower levels of meekness, to become acceptable for the Light of Christ.

Put all frustrations, hurt feelings, and grumblings into the perspective of your eternal hope. Light will flow into your soul. Pause to ponder the suffering Christ felt in the Garden of Gethsemane. In the awareness of the depth of gratitude for him, you appreciate every opportunity to show your love for him by diligently serving in his Church. God knows that you are not perfect.

As you suffer about your imperfections he will give you comfort and suggestions of where to improve. God knows better than you what you need. He always attempts to speak to you.

Listen, and follow the uncomfortable suggestions that he makes to us—everything will fall into its place.

Avoid any fear like your worst enemy, but magnify your fear about the consequences of sin.

When you cannot love someone, look into that person’s eyes long enough to find the hidden rudiments of the child of God in him. Never judge anyone. When you accept this, you will be freed. In the case of your own children or subordinates, where you have the responsibility to judge help them to become their own judges.

If someone hurts you so much that your feelings seem to choke you, forgive and you will be free again.

Avoid at all cost any pessimistic, negative, or criticizing thoughts. If you cannot cut them out, they will do you harm.

On the road to salvation let questions arise but never doubts. If something is wrong, God will give you clarity but never doubts. Avoid rush and haste and uncontrolled words.

Divine light develops in places of peace and quiet. Be aware of that as you enter places of worship.

Be not so much concerned about what you do, but what you do with all your heart, might, and strength. In thoroughness is satisfaction.

You want to be good and do good, that is commendable, but the greatest achievement that can be reached in our lives is to be under the complete influence of the Holy Ghost then he will teach us what is really good and necessary to do.

The pain of sacrifice last only on moment. It is the fear of the pain of sacrifice that makes you hesitate to do it. Be grateful for every opportunity to serve. It helps you more than those you serve.

And finally, when you are compelled to give up something or when things that are dear to you are withdrawn from you, know this is your lesson to be learned right now. But know also that as you are learning this lesson God wants to give you something better.

Thus, we prepare all the days of our lives, and, as we grow death loses its sting, hell loses its power, and we look forward to that day with anticipation of joy when He will come in his glory.

Dear Aidan

Dear Aidan,

Within the next couple weeks, your life will be changed forever. Mine will, too. In a couple weeks, this "baby in mama's belly" will make her grand entrance and, I have to admit, I'm a bit worried about how it will affect you. There's so much unknown. I don't want you to feel forgotten or replaced. After all, you've been "my baby" your whole life the past 33 months.

I've been thinking a lot about when I went into labor with you. We were so excited and anxious to meet you! It seemed like almost everything that could go wrong after a perfectly healthy pregnancy, went wrong- emergency c-section and then you being in the NICU for almost 3 weeks while they tested for strep b, meiningitis, treated an infection, monitored your blood pressure, heart rate, we tried to teach you to eat etc. I remember panicking, but also feeling calm and knowing that everything would be okay. Your grandmother asked one of the nurses if you'd "be okay and develop as a healthy little boy despite all of the birthing complications" and I remember thinking that, of course you would. You were such a fighter- everything that was causing the doctors to worry would suddenly be gone the next time they checked. I think that was an example of your faith, too. You have been one energetic and healthy boy since then!

I see you now and I wonder, "What will I do with a baby that cannot speak to me and tell me exactly what she wants?" You've learned to ask (and demand, at times) for exactly what you think you need- even if it is that you "need choc-co-let".

I love that you are already so caring and kind. I was worried about being pregnant while also having such a rambunctious and energetic toddler. Toward the beginning of my pregnancy when I was so exhausted from working and the hormones and just feeling so sick all of the time, you were always there to comfort me and you would be calm.

One particular day, I remember I was feeling extremely tired and had made multiple trips to the bathroom. You'd stand next to my legs while I was hunched over the toilet and spit into it next to me and then get me some toilet paper to wipe my mouth. You've always been great at providing a little comedic relief when it's needed! I came over to the couch and plopped myself down with my head hung over and you came and just hugged me. Other times, you'd go and get your blankie and "babies" and bring them to me and rub my hair and say, "It's okay, Mama. Daddy was often gone at night with school, but we somehow made it through those first almost 20 weeks of pregnancy together with you helping take care of me in the evening. I know it was tough to not have me playing cars with you on the ground or doing other activities that you enjoy many of those evenings.

I'm grateful that you made me a mom. I know that I'm not always the best at being patient with you or having the most creative activities for you and I don't always take you outside when you want to go out and that you get frustrated with me. But I'm grateful for your overall patience with me as I try to figure out this parenting thing and balancing what I want with what you need and want.

You are an absolutely amazing boy! You have such a great sense of humor and I love that you do silly things purposefully to make us laugh- whether it's making silly noises with your mouth or pretending like you're falling over or playing games of peek-a-boo or blowing raspberries on my belly. It's so funny to me when you pretend to not know what something is and then giggle and make it a guessing game.


I love when you ramble on with stories that sometimes don't make the most coherent sense with such passion and expression. Your most recent one has been about a motorcycle crashing and getting "super big itty bitty owies". You sometimes tell stories where you are obviously trying to say some words, but it comes out as mush with a bunch of vowels and consonants strung together yet your expression is just so engaging and priceless. You laugh and giggle and your eyes get so wide. You are such a great story-teller already!

I love when you start to say and do things that Daddy and I say to you. Sometimes, it helps me realize how ridiculous I must sound to you. Other times, it's a reminder that we must be doing something right. Like, today, you put a piece of tape on my arm insisting it was a bandaid covering an owie and then lightly patted my arm and said "It's okay, Mama. It won't hurt. I kiss it better." and then kissed my arm.

I love that you are able to be so tough and roar and jump and climb and throw and then be soft and cuddly at other times. I love that every night you still insist that I be the one to put you to bed and you ask to "cuddle me". I know that I won't always have such a willing boy to cuddle with me in a rocking chair or on his bed when you get older, but I still hope you will cuddle up to me on the couch as you get older.

I love watching your relationship with Daddy flourish. He cares about you so much. I want you to know that not many Daddys would willingly stay home all day with you like he has for the past year while I've been working and then still be interested in spending time with you during the evening and weekends. He always does fun activities with you, too. It's amazing to hear the way he speaks about you. When we were talking about having another baby I remember he said something about how "knowing how much he loves and cares about you just makes him so much more excited to have that with another child." I hope you always continue to appreciate and love your dad and all that he does for you. It's so fun to hear you talk about "going on rides in the jeep with Dad" and "going up on the mountain with Dad". I'm always a bit jealous when he sends me pictures of you two on your adventures.

I love your excitement for church and praying. I'm sure you don't understand a lot of it, yet. But I always love when you're saying your nightly prayers and you'll look up at me and ask if you can pray for something. Your first non-prompted prayer, you prayed for Buzz Lightyear. Now, you'll pray for things like "daddy feel better" "Avalon to sleep" "Go play with doggie" "Go to nursery" and other things on your own. I love these little examples of how your mind is working and what you're aware of.

I'm amazed at the boy you are growing into. I can only imagine the great things you will be able to accomplish in your life. I hope that I can be a good example to you and give you all of the things that you need to thrive, excel and grow. I hope that you will continue to be curious about the world around you and continue asking questions and I really hope that I will know how to answer your questions, but if I don't, I bet Daddy will know and we'll go ask him.

I hope that you will continue to find the balance between being tough and being "soft". The world and culture around you will just want you to be tough all of the time as you get older, but don't get caught in that lie- you only really get to know other people when they are being vulnerable and those are the friendships worth keeping. It's okay to be sensitive and caring.

I love how you will talk to Avalon through my belly button and lay your head on my belly (which as you said today "the baby is getting so tall and big!") and just "cuddle and listen to Avalon". Today, when she gave you a little kick while your head was lying there, you just laughed it off.

I know that you will be an amazing older brother. I'm sure you'll be very protective of her. I hope that you and Avalon will be close and that you two will always look out for each other. I hope that you can teach her and be a good example to her.

I hope that you will always know that I love you and know that you have brought so much love, joy and excitement into my life. I hope that over these next few months when I am sleep deprived and trying to re-learn how to take care of a newborn that you will be patient with me and also remind me that I need to spend alone time with you, too.

I'm so excited for you to be a big brother! I hope that you know how much I only want the best for you and that you know that I absolutely, unconditionally love you (even when you are smearing poop all over the carpet and door). Thanks for being my baby boy.

Love,
Mommy

Can Ye Feel So Now?

Excerpts from Can Ye Fell So Now?- Elder Quentin L. Cook, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

...This question, “Can ye feel so now?” rings across the centuries. With all that we have received in this dispensation—including the Restoration of the fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the outpouring of spiritual gifts, and the indisputable blessings of heaven—Alma’s challenge has never been more important.

It is not surprising that some in the Church believe they can’t answer Alma’s question with a resounding yes. They do not “feel so now.” They feel they are in a spiritual drought. Others are angry, hurt, or disillusioned. If these descriptions apply to you, it is important to evaluate why you cannot “feel so now.

Many who are in a spiritual drought and lack commitment have not necessarily been involved in major sins or transgressions, but they have made unwise choices. Some are casual in their observance of sacred covenants. Others spend most of their time giving first-class devotion to lesser causes. Some allow intense cultural or political views to weaken their allegiance to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Some have immersed themselves in Internet materials that magnify, exaggerate, and, in some cases, invent shortcomings of early Church leaders. Then they draw incorrect conclusions that can affect testimony. Any who have made these choices can repent and be spiritually renewed.

Immersion in the scriptures is essential for spiritual nourishment. The word of God inspires commitment and acts as a healing balm for hurt feelings, anger, or disillusionment. When our commitment is diminished for any reason, part of the solution is repentance. Commitment and repentance are closely intertwined."

C.S. Lewis asserted that Christianity tells people to repent and promises them forgiveness; but until people know and feel they need forgiveness, Christianity does not speak to them. He stated, “When you know you are sick, you will listen to the doctor.”

How we treat those closest to us is of fundamental importance. Violence, abuse, lack of civility, and disrespect in the home are not acceptable—not acceptable for adults and not acceptable for the rising generation. My father was not active in the Church but was a remarkably good example, especially in his treatment of my mother. He used to say, “God will hold men responsible for every tear they cause their wives to shed.”

Sexual immorality and impure thoughts violate the standard established by the Savior. We were warned at the beginning of this dispensation that sexual immorality would be perhaps the greatest challenge. Such conduct will, without repentance, cause a spiritual drought and loss of commitment. Movies, TV, and the Internet often convey degrading messages and images.

I recently had an insightful conversation with a 15-year-old Aaronic Priesthood holder. He helped me understand how easy it is in this Internet age for young people to almost inadvertently be exposed to impure and even pornographic images. He pointed out that for most principles the Church teaches, there is at least some recognition in society at large that violating these principles can have devastating effects on health and well-being. He mentioned cigarette smoking, drug use, and alcohol consumption by young people. But he noted that there is no corresponding outcry or even a significant warning from society at large about pornography or immorality.

My dear brothers and sisters, this young man’s analysis is correct. What is the answer? For years, prophets and apostles have taught the importance of religious observance in the home.

Parents, the days are long past when regular, active participation in Church meetings and programs, though essential, can fulfill your sacred responsibility to teach your children to live moral, righteous lives and walk uprightly before the Lord. It is essential that this be faithfully accomplished in homes which are places of refuge where kindness, forgiveness, truth, and righteousness prevail. Parents must have the courage to filter or monitor Internet access, television, movies, and music. Parents must have the courage to say no, defend truth, and bear powerful testimony. Your children need to know that you have faith in the Savior, love your Heavenly Father, and sustain the leaders of the Church. Spiritual maturity must flourish in our homes. My hope is that no one will leave this conference without understanding that the moral issues of our day must be addressed in the family.

I want to assure you, as Alma taught, that through repentance you can qualify for all the blessings of heaven. That is what the Savior’s Atonement is all about.

For any whose lives are not in order, remember, it is never too late to make the Savior’s Atonement the foundation of our faith and lives.

In the words of Isaiah, “Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”

My sincere prayer is that each of us will take any necessary action to feel the Spirit now so we can sing the song of redeeming love with all our hearts.

Yes, My Husband is Full-Time Dad Right Now

Aaron has been a full-time stay at home dad since the end of December while trying to figure out his next step in school and career. I have no idea what it's really like for him and he insists, "I don't care what other people think." But you'd be surprised the kind of comments I get about him staying home with Aidan. I don't think he's had very many comments directly, but I know he's aware of others' looks and possible perceptions about him.

In the past 3 weeks, I have had some stunning comments when talking to people. The conversation usually goes something like this:

"What do you do?"
"I work full-time as a therapist treating women and girls with eating disorders during the day. I'm also trying to finish a PhD in Marriage & Family Therapy."
"And what's your husband doing?"
"Right now, he's at home with our son full-time trying to figure out the next plan for school and work."

And that's when the comments get interesting to me.

"Wait, he's not working and you are?... and you're 7 months pregnant?"
"He's not in school or working?! He needs to be pulling some of the weight- don't you think?"
"Well, that doesn't seem fair."
"Um.... oh...... cool....."

I usually respond with something diplomatic like,
"Yes, our son is so lucky to have this opportunity with him. Many kids don't get this much time with their dad. They have an awesome bond. And I'm lucky to have a job I love."
"This is what works best for our family right now. It was getting a bit crazy with us both working part-time and doing school full-time and neither having benefits. This was a great fit for us right now."
"I don't expect this to be permanent nor do either one of us want it to be. I know Aaron would rather be working, but right now we're still working together on getting there."
"Yeah, isn't it great that we were blessed with this full-time job opportunity and that I've been able to receive a good education to help me get this job? Many couples are just working crazily with scheduling and neither get much time with their kids while they're in this stage of life and in school."

I don't think any of those previous comments would be said to a father who said his wife was a stay at home mom. Okay, maybe some people, but it wouldn't be as socially acceptable- right? You'd never say a SAHM wasn't pulling her weight without some repercussion.

In searching for experiences from other LDS SAHDs I came across this and enjoyed reading a first-hand experience from a dad that worked through a lot of the social stigma.

Aaron tells me about how he takes Aidan to the zoo or other places and many women look at him like "Please, don't steal my child". A child ran away from his mother the other day at the zoo and came near Aaron and his mother quickly chided him and insisted he get away and come back while flashing Aaron a panicked glance.

Or how if he's at a playground, people look at him like he's crazy for being there playing with his child.

Aaron doesn't get to just go hang out with other stay at home parents during play group. It's just not socially acceptable.

He can't just go knock doors around the neighborhood of other stay at home parents when he's feeling overwhelmed and find somebody to hang out and talk to while the kids play together.

I believe his job staying at home is actually much more difficult than it would be if it were me. There is such a support network readily available to moms- especially in the church around here.

It's just so interesting to me that there are still such firm stereotypes against men that they must be fulfilling their duty to provide for their family to "be a man". I think this is going to be a lot harder to break than women being in the workforce. Men probably do get a lot more judgement than a woman breaking from her traditional role as a full-time SAHM if they go against their traditional role as provider. Maybe men just don't whine about it as much as people like I do and that's why it's not getting as much attention? Think about how hard it typically is for a man to get time off work for a sick child or something else.

I guess the bottom line is, I'm grateful that Aaron is such a good dad and doesn't seem to care what other people think. I want to acknowledge how difficult it is for him and I think he deserves a lot more credit than people give him (and even what I give him at times) and other stay at home dads or even just fathers involved in their children's lives. Parenting isn't easy. Every child deserves a good father and mother actively involved in their life.


"HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations...

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation..." (here)

BMI for a Two-Year Old?

Today I went in for an appointment and met with a dietitian as part of it. They weighed me and weighed Aidan and got our heights etc. She told me Aidan is in the 40th %tile for height and the 80th %tile for weight. She then proceeded to tell me that this put him in the 90th percentile for his BMI. I was thinking it was a bit odd they were using BMI, but continued to listen. I guess the AAP and CDC has endorsed this starting at age 2, but let's remember that they also say that doctors should use further assessments to see if excess fat is actually a problem (per here).

She then continued to tell me that I should watch out for Aidan because he could be on track to become obese. I was very polite in the moment, but in my head I was thinking, Heck no, woman! My child is only two and he looks and seems very healthy. And I can see this kid's ribs! I'm always worried that he doesn't have enough meat on his bones. Plus, I believe in intuitive eating and that kids are expert intuitive eaters. Plus, he runs around allllll the time. Plus, his primary doctor thinks he's doing well so I'll take his word over yours. Yeah, I totally over-reacted in my head, but even now it's still sticking with me. I think it's wise that we make sure our kids develop healthy habits while they're young and we do have an obesity epidemic in the US.

It was a very interesting experience for me. It totally caught me off guard. Completely. I never think of him as an overweight or hefty toddler at all. I think we're going to switch him to skim or 1% milk now and try to be a bit more mindful and make sure we offer him a wide variety of foods, regular meal times etc.

Has anybody else had an experience like this?

Some Tips for Disneyland with a Toddler

Aidan and I went to Disneyland with my mom and sisters a couple weekends ago. I thought I'd post some of the lessons I learned.

1. Aidan was a great age at 20 months. He was able to enjoy the atmosphere and was in awe of most things. It was perfect and just how Disneyland is meant to be. He hasn't watched much TV so far in his life, but he still thought the characters and things were cool. Characters without masks are less scary. Disneyland tickets are free. Airline tickets are unnecessary.
2. Toontown was pretty amazing for him. We went there Sunday morning and it was pretty empty. I'm not sure if it's usually like that, but I was able to let him out of his stroller and just let him run around and follow him. There are buttons on buildings that he could press and cars to sit in which he LOVED.
3. Booking Disneyland tickets through AAA saved us quite a bit of money. You can just call up your local AAA office and order them. I think they have 3-day and 5-day tickets that you just pick up in the office. I think it was $180 for a 3 day and $220 for a 5-day. (It's $200 for a 3-day ticket online through Disneyland) AAA tickets (as well as tickets bought in the local hotels) have one magic morning. The magic morning alone makes it worth it.
4. You don't really need a fast pass for World of Color unless you want to get wet and be super close. You can stand in the walkway and see just fine behind all of the fast pass people. It's totally worth seeing.
5. Stay at a hotel across the street from the park. There are quite a few. Just pull up google maps and look at all of the ones on the east side. We stayed at Camelot Inn & Suites. It's themed on the outside, but don't let this scare you away. It's really nice and clean on the inside. White toilets, no mold etc. We got a Family Suite which was perfect. We booked them through hotels.com and got 20% off our total stay using a coupon code.
6. If you want, rent a car through hotwire for the first night only. You can get it at the airport and then have them pick it up at Downtown Disney the next day. That way, you can go buy groceries and stock your kitchenette. If you have a large food budget then you don't really need a rental car at all. Use a shuttle to and from the airport.
7. Give your child naps if he/she is used to having them. Typically, toddlers sleep in the early afternoon which is when the parks are the busiest anyway. Take the time to go back to your room, enjoy a lunch, give them a nap and get a nap in yourself.
8. Flying Jet Blue was awesome. They are SUPER family friendly. They automatically allow a carseat, stroller and diaper bag for each child. They don't charge for any carryons and allow one free checked bag per ticket. Awesome. They have a great variety of snacks and drinks for free which is helpful for a toddler. They were very eager and happy to help with Aidan and get us settled in. On the way back, I asked if there were any open seats and asked if I could bring Aidan's car seat and they gave us an entire row to ourselves so Aidan could be in his car seat.
9. If you want to do all of the roller coasters and rides, don't bring your toddler or be prepared to switch off. You can get to the front of the line and do single rider and switch who has the kid. I just chose not to really do roller coasters (I don't really love them anyway) and it was perfect. There are plenty of rides Aidan could do with his height. Know your child's height before going. Just be prepared to have fun no matter what the trip brings. That's what parenthood is about anyway-right? ;-)
10. Using Ridemax is great and super helpful if you want to be able to do a bunch of rides in a short amount of time and plan your day ahead. It has never let me down. Although, downloading the free MouseWait app to my phone was awesome and saved us running around a ton. People just log on and update the waiting times of rides they've gone on. So, it'll say "Indiana Jones, 43 minutes, 4:53pm" meaning the wait was 43 minutes at 4:53pm. It was cool to be standing in line for one ride and check the other wait times to plan where we wanted to go next. The app was probably almost better for us because with a toddler you never know what will come up.
11. There is a Baby Care Center at the end of main street right across from the corn dog stand. It was awesome and quiet and relaxing. They have pumping rooms, nursing rooms, toddler toilets, microwaves, formula, wipes, bottles, diapers, nice changing tables etc. It was nice to go in there and get a break from the hustle and bustle.

Media & Early Learning

My mom sent this to me and I found it so interesting! I actually watched this entire TEDx clip regarding media and early learning.

• Early experiences condition the mind. Connections between brain cells change based on experiences our children have while their brain triples in size between birth and age 3.
• Initiation of television viewing is now (on average) 4 months of age.
• Prolonged exposure to rapid image changes (like on a TV show designed for an infant) during critical periods of brain development may precondition the mind to expect high levels of stimulation. This may then make the pace ofreal life less able to sustain our children’s attention. The more hours a child views rapid-fire television, the more likely they will have attention challenges later in life.
• Cognitive stimulation (reading books or going to a museum) reduces the likelihood for attention challenges later in life.
• What content your child watches on TV matters: the more frenetic or violent the TV show, the more likely your child will have attention challenges later in life. Television shows that move at a typical pace may be far better for our children. Educational shows showed 0% influence on attention challenges later in life (Mr. Rogers, Sesame Street etc.)
• New studies (using mice) may demonstrate that learning suffers with excess TV viewing.
• We need more real time play for children. (Get out the blocks or get outside!)

http://seattlemamadoc.seattlechildrens.org/what-does-tv-do-to-my-kids-brain/

AAP Guidelines:

1. Limit children’s total media time (with entertainment media) to no more than 1 to 2 hours of
quality programming per day.
2. Remove television sets from children’s bedrooms.
3. Discourage television viewing for children
younger than 2 years, and encourage more interactive activities that will promote proper brain
development, such as talking, playing, singing,
and reading together.....

Peanut Butter Playdough

1 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup honey
2 cups powdered sugar
Tip: spray your measuring cup before putting in peanut butter and again before honey and it will slip right out
Mix all ingredients together and let your toddler play!

It gets a bit more runny as they play, but it hasn't gotten super sticky. We also really like the flavor. It's sweeter than recipes that use dry milk, but it doesn't crumble.

So True

Working Moms & Their Children

I read over this story on Today Moms.

"A new study that tracked nearly 19,000 British children found that little girls with stay-at-home mothers were twice as likely to develop emotional or behavioral problems by age 5 as girls with working moms."


McMunn and her colleagues determined that the healthiest kids, in terms of emotional and behavioral development, were those with two parents in the household, both of whom worked. And that was regardless of maternal education level and household income.


Mom’s job wasn’t always good news. Boys from households where the mom was the sole breadwinner were more likely to display emotional and behavioral problems such as aggressiveness, hyperactivity or withdrawn behavior.


But in cases where the dad was employed, boys with stay-at-home moms were twice as likely to develop behavior and emotional as those with working moms. That difference was greatly diminished, however, once the researchers accounted for maternal depression.


Sounds like work makes moms happier, which leads to more well adjusted kids. 
*I would add that work makes moms happier if they want to be working. I have definitely found this true for me. I also find that I need a balance of work and life at home- like about 10 hours of class/work a week. Seriously, I come home excited and rejuvenated. It's great for me.

“There may be something that is very important for girls about seeing their mother participating in society outside the home.”


I think this study is kind of cool. Probably because it's supportive of what I do and I like the idea of women being well-rounded and being able to perform well inside and outside of the home.

Americans Growing Intolerant of Children?

A restaurant in Pittsburg recently banned children under 6 from their restaurant.
"They've just become too much of a bother to other customers...This is a three-part issue. One is the increasing number of small babies that can’t be controlled. They can’t be quiet and really they can’t be expected to.” The second factor is kindergarten-aged kids who “have shown increasingly poor manners.” And lastly he blames parents, who “act like we’re the ones being offensive” when staff members ask them to calm their children down.
A survey at the bottom of the article says 44% would like to have all children removed from all restaurants. 3% say no, never. The remaining 53% say it depends on the restaurant.

There have been airlines recently to ban children from areas of the aircraft and are talking of banning children from certain flights completely.

I also read an article about how permissive parents breed bratty children. It states that children aren't to be treated as the "center of the universe" and how if you're a good parent you wouldn't have to repeat yourself more than once. The author says they don't want to hear your child on an airplane, in a restaurant or in a grocery store. Yes, sure, it'd be nice to go to the grocery store child-free sometimes, but really?! The real kicker here is that the author has children.

I don't know about you, but I can't always predict what mood by child's going to be in. We might have to rush dinner really fast. I doubt that he will always listen to me the first time I ask him to do something or that "the look" will get him to do what I want. There's only so much as a parent that I can "control". Every kid has his/her own temperament and tolerance. This is even evident as a newborn.

I think that our children should be the center of our universe. We should teach them manners. We should teach them true principles. We should be good examples to them. We should encourage them to be socially active and expose them to varying aspects and environments in the world. We should be with them as much as possible and show and share our unconditional love for them.

I realize this is a bit scatter-brained, but it was just so interesting to me and I had to get something out about it.

Check out The Parents Corner for some great Parenting Tips.

Bad Mom Day

It's one of those days.

Thoughts that have crossed my mind today:

Why isn't there a sleep button on my child to make him go to sleep?

Why won't he nap longer than 45 minutes?

Why is today the day I had to make my statistic model? Why did I procrastinate?

Aaaaaaaaaaah!

This mom clingy stage is flattering, but so exhausting.

Wonder what I can make and eat in less than 5 minutes.

I wonder if it's possible to go to the bathroom while holding him.

Can I just suck all the snot out of his nose and make him better?

Maybe I can prop him upright in his crib so he'll sleep and still be able to breathe.

Thank goodness it's still warm outside so we can go for a walk.

Thank goodness for other moms!!

How to Talk to Little Girls

Via

via

I found this article in the Huffington Post by Lisa Boom-- LOVED IT!

I went to a dinner party at a friend's home last weekend, and met her five-year-old daughter for the first time.

Little Maya was all curly brown hair, doe-like dark eyes, and adorable in her shiny pink nightgown. I wanted to squeal, "Maya, you're so cute! Look at you! Turn around and model that pretty ruffled gown, you gorgeous thing!"

But I didn't. I squelched myself. As I always bite my tongue when I meet little girls, restraining myself from my first impulse, which is to tell them how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/ well-dressed/ well-manicured/ well-coiffed they are.

What's wrong with that? It's our culture's standard talking-to-little-girls icebreaker, isn't it? And why not give them a sincere compliment to boost their self-esteem? Because they are so darling I just want to burst when I meet them, honestly.

Hold that thought for just a moment.

This week ABC News reported that nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry about being fat. In my book, Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World, I reveal that 15 to 18 percent of girls under 12 now wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick regularly; eating disorders are up and self-esteem is down; and 25 percent of young American women would rather win America's Next Top Model than the Nobel Peace Prize. Even bright, successful college women say they'd rather be hot than smart. A Miami mom just died from cosmetic surgery, leaving behind two teenagers. This keeps happening, and it breaks my heart.

Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women have become increasingly unhappy. What's missing? A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments.

That's why I force myself to talk to little girls as follows.

"Maya," I said, crouching down at her level, looking into her eyes, "very nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," she said, in that trained, polite, talking-to-adults good girl voice.

"Hey, what are you reading?" I asked, a twinkle in my eyes. I love books. I'm nuts for them. I let that show.

Her eyes got bigger, and the practiced, polite facial expression gave way to genuine excitement over this topic. She paused, though, a little shy of me, a stranger.

"I LOVE books," I said. "Do you?"

Most kids do.

"YES," she said. "And I can read them all by myself now!"

"Wow, amazing!" I said. And it is, for a five-year-old. You go on with your bad self, Maya.

"What's your favorite book?" I asked.

"I'll go get it! Can I read it to you?"

Purplicious was Maya's pick and a new one to me, as Maya snuggled next to me on the sofa and proudly read aloud every word, about our heroine who loves pink but is tormented by a group of girls at school who only wear black. Alas, it was about girls and what they wore, and how their wardrobe choices defined their identities. But after Maya closed the final page, I steered the conversation to the deeper issues in the book: mean girls and peer pressure and not going along with the group. I told her my favorite color in the world is green, because I love nature, and she was down with that.

Not once did we discuss clothes or hair or bodies or who was pretty. It's surprising how hard it is to stay away from those topics with little girls, but I'm stubborn.

I told her that I'd just written a book, and that I hoped she'd write one too one day. She was fairly psyched about that idea. We were both sad when Maya had to go to bed, but I told her next time to choose another book and we'd read it and talk about it. Oops. That got her too amped up to sleep, and she came down from her bedroom a few times, all jazzed up.

So, one tiny bit of opposition to a culture that sends all the wrong messages to our girls. One tiny nudge towards valuing female brains. One brief moment of intentional role modeling. Will my few minutes with Maya change our multibillion dollar beauty industry, reality shows that demean women, our celebrity-manic culture? No. But I did change Maya's perspective for at least that evening.

Try this the next time you meet a little girl. She may be surprised and unsure at first, because few ask her about her mind, but be patient and stick with it. Ask her what she's reading. What does she like and dislike, and why? There are no wrong answers. You're just generating an intelligent conversation that respects her brain. For older girls, ask her about current events issues: pollution, wars, school budgets slashed. What bothers her out there in the world? How would she fix it if she had a magic wand? You may get some intriguing answers. Tell her about your ideas and accomplishments and your favorite books. Model for her what a thinking woman says and does.

And let me know the response you get at www.Twitter.com/lisabloom and Facebook.

Here's to changing the world, one little girl at a time.

For many more tips on how keep yourself and your daughter smart, check out my new book, Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World, www.Think.tv

Diaper Genie II for $15.90

Right now, Diapers.com has the Diaper Genie II Pail for only $15.90.  Just add it to your cart for $31.79, then use coupon code OFFGENIE to cut it down to $15.90. Shipping will only cost $2.99.

"Maggie Goes on a Diet"

"This book is about a 14 year old girl who goes on a diet and is transformed from being extremely overweight and insecure to a normal sized girl who becomes the school soccer star. Through time, exercise and hard work, Maggie becomes more and more confident and develops a positive self image." (via)




This book just contributed to a nice conversation between the hubby and me. We decided we are both right in our opinions and our culture is messed up.


Your thoughts?

Pediatricians Turn Away Children who aren't Vaccinated

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/pediatricians-turn-away-kids-who-arent-vaccinated-2509592

Pointing to a strong scientific record supporting vaccinations, Goldstein said his practice's policy serves the most vulnerable children -- like infants and those with critical illnesses who are not able to be immunized  -- by protecting them from diseases. All of those children could be in the waiting room together, some pediatricians note, and the unvaccinated ones could be putting the more vulnerable ones at risk.


"Vaccines are safe and have been studied for a long time and continue to be studied," Dr. Goldstein told Shine. "Vaccines are responsible for saving millions of lives and keeping millions of other children safe and healthy."


This stand might seem harsh but the wording and the strictness varies among pediatricians. One Massachusetts-based practice puts it bluntly in the policy that takes up a full page of their website: "Parents who refuse to vaccinate their children are not a good fit for our practice and will be referred elsewhere."


"I know the AAP has cautioned against these policies. If I was the only doctor around, I certainly wouldn't want to throw these families to the wind. In our case, in a neighborhood and city with many pediatricians and options for families, we are choosing to protect kids' health," Goldstein said. "We are not making them sick. We are not forcing them. We are not neglecting them."

Raising a Child

These numbers are a little daunting, but I'm not going to let that get in my way. Nice to know that our parents would take care of us and spend so much money on us. I think the worth of a child is far more than this estimated cost.

How Much Does It Cost to Raise a Child? 

By ALICE MAGGIN and SADIE BASS
Aug. 4, 2009

The Department of Agriculture released a report today that says middle-income families with a child born in 2008 will spend $221,190 to raise that child through high school.

That's $291,570 when the cost is adjusted for inflation. The report, "Expenditures in Children by Families," said parents can expect to spend $11,610 to $13,480 each year, depending on the age of the child. So, what's so expensive? The largest cost is housing, which averages $69,660 -- that's 32 percent of the total cost over the child's lifetime. Next up is food and child care/education, which average 16 percent each. Add in the price of transportation, health care and clothing and you've got one expensive child.

There are some variables that can affect how much a family spends. Not surprisingly, parents with a higher annual income end up spending more on child costs, the report said.

Specifically, a family earning less than $56,870 annually will spend $159,870 over their child's lifetime, according to the report. Families earning between $56,870 and $98,470 will spend $221,190 and families that earn more than $98,470 can expect to spend $366,660, the report said.

The number of kids in a family also influences a family's spending habits. Only children get more of their parents' money than kids with siblings. Parents with one child spend 26 percent of their income, but that amount increases to 39 percent if there are two children, and 48 percent if there are three, the USDA report said.

Region is another factor -- costs are highest in the urban Northeast, followed by cities in the West and Midwest.

"Families living in the urban South and rural areas have the lowest child-rearing expenses," the study said.

And finally, the older the child, the higher the cost. As kids get older, their needs become more expensive.

Today's Numbers Compared to 1960

The USDA first released its report on child costs in 1960, when it estimated that a child would cost his or her parents $25,230 (that's $183,509 in 2008 dollars).

Since then, the largest change has been the cost of child care. With more families with two working parents, child care has become a "significant" expense for many families

The USDA plans to release a 2008 version of its Cost of Raising a Child Calculator. The online calculator is designed to help families easily estimate their costs, and makes the figures from the report easier to understand.

The calculator takes into account the ages and number of children in a family, the number of parents in the home, where the family lives and the overall household income.

Today's report does not factor in the cost of college, which can reach into the hundreds of thousands of dollars.

As Raaben Andrews of St. Louis told The Associated Press, "Well, that's not the half of it. I still have to put the little buggers through college."

Eternal Families

I'm preparing my lesson for tomorrow's Sunday School which is The Family is Ordained of God.

The family is central to God’s plan.
President Gordon B. Hinckley taught: “Why do we have this proclamation on the family now? Because the family is under attack. All across the world families are falling apart. The place to begin to improve society is in the home. Children do, for the most part, what they are taught. We are trying to make the world better by making the family stronger” (“Inspirational Thoughts,” Ensign, Aug. 1997, 5).

The power to create mortal life is sacred.
“Children are the inheritance of the Lord to us in this life and also in eternity. Eternal life is not only to have forever our descendants from this life. It is also to have eternal increase. … “We can understand why our Heavenly Father commands us to reverence life and to cherish the powers that produce it as sacred. If we do not have those reverential feelings in this life, how could our Father give them to us in the eternities?”
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve taught: “The body is an essential part of the soul. … We declare that one who uses the God-given body of another without divine sanction abuses the very soul of that individual, abuses the central purpose and processes of life. … In sexual transgression the soul is at stake—the body and the spirit” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1998, 99–100; or Ensign, Nov. 1998, 76).

Parents have a sacred duty to care for each other and teach their children.
President Gordon B. Hinckley taught: “When you are married, be fiercely loyal one to another. Selfishness is the great destroyer of happy family life. If you will make your first concern the comfort, the well-being, and the happiness of your companion, sublimating any personal concern to that loftier goal, you will be happy, and your marriage will go on throughout eternity” (“Excerpts from Recent Addresses of President Gordon B. Hinckley,” Ensign, Dec. 1995, 67).
President Spencer W. Kimball said: “It is the responsibility of the parents to teach their children. The Sunday School, the Primary, [Mutual,] and other organizations of the Church play a secondary role”

Successful marriages and families are based on righteous principles.
“Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.”
President Gordon B. Hinckley taught:
“If there is to be a return to old and sacred values, it must begin in the home. It is here that truth is learned, that integrity is cultivated, that self-discipline is instilled, and that love is nurtured. …
“Sisters, guard your children. … Nothing is more precious to you as mothers, absolutely nothing. Your children are the most valuable thing you will have in time or all eternity. You will be fortunate indeed if, as you grow old and look at those you brought into the world, you find in them uprightness of life, virtue in living, and integrity in their behavior”

Recognizing and avoiding abuse
The proclamation warns that those “who abuse spouse or offspring … will one day stand accountable before God.” Church leaders have spoken out against abuse of any kind. The following quotation from President Gordon B. Hinckley to priesthood brethren can be applied to both men and women: “Never abuse your wives. Never abuse your children. But gather them in your arms and make them feel of your love and your appreciation and your respect. Be good husbands. Be good fathers”

Strengthening families is everyone’s responsibility
President Gordon B. Hinckley told a gathering of mayors and other public officials: “To you men and women of great influence, you who preside in the cities of the nation, to you I say that it will cost far less to reform our schools, to teach the virtues of good citizenship, than it will to go on building and maintaining costly jails and prisons. … But there is another institution of even greater importance than the schools. It is the home. I believe that no nation can rise higher than the strength of its families”
“The plan of the Father is that family love and companionship will continue into the eternities. Being … in a family carries a great responsibility of caring, loving, lifting, and strengthening each member of the family so that all can righteously endure to the end in mortality and dwell together throughout eternity. It is not enough just to save ourselves. It is equally important that parents, brothers, and sisters are saved in our families. If we return home alone to our Heavenly Father, we will be asked, ‘Where is the rest of the family?’ ”