15 Reasons Why Being Married to a Therapist May Actually be More Difficult Than Dating Them

Recently, eHarmony posted an awesome article with a list of 15 Reasons to Date a Therapist. They are pretty awesome reasons!

As I was reading through them, I thought, Hm. I'm a pretty normal wife with plenty of issues. Pretty sure Aaron is a much better person for being married to a therapist than I am as the therapist.

So I came up with a little add-on for each of the eHarmony reasons for why that reason could actual be a bit of a stumbling block in a marriage thus making the spouse o the therapist the "better" marriage partner.

15 Reasons to Date a Therapist Being Married to a Therapist Isn't Anything Amazing 

(or Perhaps, Why it is Even More Difficult than the Average Marriage)

AKA 

15 Reasons Anybody Married to a Therapist Is Amazing and Deserves an Award for their Patience, Empathy and Understanding

1. Therapists are great listeners, and intentionally do so without judgement.
But when therapists have been listening to people all day long, they really just want somebody to listen to them talk without judgment.

2. Therapists keep secrets. If you’re looking for someone trustworthy, a therapist is trained in confidentiality.
This also means they may be a bit socially awkward because they can't discuss the details of their work at the local dinner parties and after-work chat may be limited when you ask about their day.

3. Therapists offer good advice and can help you make wise choices if you’re looking for input into a difficult situation.
Or they'll just sit their and ask you what you think you should do in various phrasings over and over until you've made the best decision yourself (... or have you?)

4. Therapists are compassionate.
Which means they may often come home burnt out and just not have any compassion left when you want to talk to them at the end of the day so they tell you to just, "Deal with it".

5. A lot of people are in therapy. If your date is good at what he/she does, he/she has job security.
You may end up in therapy at multiple points in your marriage because everybody needs therapy- including you, and your marriage, and your kids etc.

6. Therapists are acutely aware of emotional needs and the human condition. It’s safe to be vulnerable around them.
They carry a lot of emotions throughout the day while only showing clients brief snippets of their reactions. You will get to witness the full brunt and the crying meltdown if your spouse had a hard day or is feeling incredibly empathetic toward a client and their struggles. (You also get to see the good and great days, too. It can be a bit of a roller coaster.)

7. Therapists want to see positive change take place and are proactive when it comes to problem-solving.
You may find yourself saying to your spouse, "I just want you to listen. Stop giving me solutions."

8. Therapists are good communicators. Not only do they listen well, they help people acknowledge their own weaknesses and make healthy decisions. Game-playing and cryptic comments won’t help clients, so neither are part of their communication arsenal.
Because they aren't usually cryptic with clients, they may overdo it with you at home because they don't want to seem like they are being too bossy and powerful in your marriage and want to make sure all decisions are very mutual.

9. Therapists have seen and heard it all. Your date will not be intimidated by your crazy family.
But now you also understand why your spouse became a therapist- your in-laws. Of course he/she wasn't intimidated by your crazy family!

10. Therapists might seem like intimidating dates, but they aren’t holier-than-thou. Rather, therapists are aware of their own weaknesses, insecurities and shortcomings. You’ll soon realize that your therapist significant other could be just as confused as you are at times.
You will see them at their lowest lows and wonder, "How could anybody pay him/her for help and guidance through problems and difficulties? He/She is barely keeping it together." or "Why does anybody pay a therapist when they are really just normal people?"

11. Therapists are safe and consistent. When other people have crises, they call your date for wisdom, stability and security. Others trust that he/she will be there for them even when they make poor choices or little progress.
Your dates and quiet time could and will be interrupted by those friends that are having crises. If you are struggling, you may feel intimidated to reach out to your own spouse feeling that they already have too many other people to worry about.

12. Therapists are interesting. Instead of small talk about the weather, your date can offer interesting facts and tidbits about human behavior. Even while keeping cases confidential, therapists still have plenty of entertaining stories to share.
The entertaining stories are often surrounding socially taboo topics and will usually make other guests blush or offer a courtesy laugh as they walk away, leaving you and your spouse alone.

13. Therapists at work aren’t necessarily therapists at home. Don’t assume that a therapist is going to act or respond a certain way at home because of what he/she does for a living. Even the best therapists can neglect to make wise decisions during off hours. If you’re paranoid about getting analyzed during every fight, you may be surprised to find your date uninterested in using psychobabble outside the office.
You get to be the stronger one in the relationship and help buoy your partner when they are struggling. You will learn to pick on the smallest emotional or physical cues in your spouse and be ready to jump in at any moment to help him/her.

14. Therapists are available to those who need them. You date will understand that in certain situations, it’s important to always be available. While this may be annoying for therapists’ partners, it’s encouraging to know that your therapist date is prepared to drop everything for you when times get tough.
He/she may often be running late from work due to client's doorknob therapy or most recent crisis because he/she needed to help the client become functional and commit to safety before ending the session.

15. Therapists are emotionally strong. They help clients process heartbreaking stories all the time. If you need a shoulder to cry on, your partner will be capable of sharing the burden.
Therapists appear emotionally strong, but also get burdened at times and need a break. So, have your shoulder ready and your arms open to hold her.

*Please note that some of these may seem insensitive, but I'm just being brutally honest and/or attempting some humor here

Yes, My Husband is Full-Time Dad Right Now

Aaron has been a full-time stay at home dad since the end of December while trying to figure out his next step in school and career. I have no idea what it's really like for him and he insists, "I don't care what other people think." But you'd be surprised the kind of comments I get about him staying home with Aidan. I don't think he's had very many comments directly, but I know he's aware of others' looks and possible perceptions about him.

In the past 3 weeks, I have had some stunning comments when talking to people. The conversation usually goes something like this:

"What do you do?"
"I work full-time as a therapist treating women and girls with eating disorders during the day. I'm also trying to finish a PhD in Marriage & Family Therapy."
"And what's your husband doing?"
"Right now, he's at home with our son full-time trying to figure out the next plan for school and work."

And that's when the comments get interesting to me.

"Wait, he's not working and you are?... and you're 7 months pregnant?"
"He's not in school or working?! He needs to be pulling some of the weight- don't you think?"
"Well, that doesn't seem fair."
"Um.... oh...... cool....."

I usually respond with something diplomatic like,
"Yes, our son is so lucky to have this opportunity with him. Many kids don't get this much time with their dad. They have an awesome bond. And I'm lucky to have a job I love."
"This is what works best for our family right now. It was getting a bit crazy with us both working part-time and doing school full-time and neither having benefits. This was a great fit for us right now."
"I don't expect this to be permanent nor do either one of us want it to be. I know Aaron would rather be working, but right now we're still working together on getting there."
"Yeah, isn't it great that we were blessed with this full-time job opportunity and that I've been able to receive a good education to help me get this job? Many couples are just working crazily with scheduling and neither get much time with their kids while they're in this stage of life and in school."

I don't think any of those previous comments would be said to a father who said his wife was a stay at home mom. Okay, maybe some people, but it wouldn't be as socially acceptable- right? You'd never say a SAHM wasn't pulling her weight without some repercussion.

In searching for experiences from other LDS SAHDs I came across this and enjoyed reading a first-hand experience from a dad that worked through a lot of the social stigma.

Aaron tells me about how he takes Aidan to the zoo or other places and many women look at him like "Please, don't steal my child". A child ran away from his mother the other day at the zoo and came near Aaron and his mother quickly chided him and insisted he get away and come back while flashing Aaron a panicked glance.

Or how if he's at a playground, people look at him like he's crazy for being there playing with his child.

Aaron doesn't get to just go hang out with other stay at home parents during play group. It's just not socially acceptable.

He can't just go knock doors around the neighborhood of other stay at home parents when he's feeling overwhelmed and find somebody to hang out and talk to while the kids play together.

I believe his job staying at home is actually much more difficult than it would be if it were me. There is such a support network readily available to moms- especially in the church around here.

It's just so interesting to me that there are still such firm stereotypes against men that they must be fulfilling their duty to provide for their family to "be a man". I think this is going to be a lot harder to break than women being in the workforce. Men probably do get a lot more judgement than a woman breaking from her traditional role as a full-time SAHM if they go against their traditional role as provider. Maybe men just don't whine about it as much as people like I do and that's why it's not getting as much attention? Think about how hard it typically is for a man to get time off work for a sick child or something else.

I guess the bottom line is, I'm grateful that Aaron is such a good dad and doesn't seem to care what other people think. I want to acknowledge how difficult it is for him and I think he deserves a lot more credit than people give him (and even what I give him at times) and other stay at home dads or even just fathers involved in their children's lives. Parenting isn't easy. Every child deserves a good father and mother actively involved in their life.


"HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations...

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation..." (here)

Wear Pants to LDS Church

Some women within the LDS Church chose to wear pants this past Sunday.

"This event is the first act of All Enlisted, a direct action group for Mormon women to advocate for equality within our faith. We do not seek to eradicate the differences between women and men, but we do want the LDS church and its members to acknowledge the similarities. We believe that much of the cultural, structural, and even doctrinal inequality that persists in the LDS church today stems from the church's reliance on – and enforcement of – rigid gender roles that bear no relationship to reality."

I have a few friends that participated. I, however, didn't wear pants to church on Sunday.

The event and purpose seemed to shift a bit throughout the week. At first, it seemed the event was a statement against LDS culture AND doctrine. I, personally, acknowledge there are some rigid gender stereotypes and expectations within the culture. I have a testimony of the doctrine taught within the LDS church and sustain the priesthood leaders.

Throughout the week, it seemed to shift into a statement about wearing pants instead of having to feel like they should wear a skirt or pants. I also saw some just making a statement about the cultural differences within the church and wanting that to change.

I chose to wear a skirt because I believe in the doctrine and also because I believe that a dress or skirt does represent my Sunday Best (to me). I know that I could wear pants if I wanted to and there haven't been any statements against wearing pants. But I like to be dressy and girly in a skirt. I feel more feminine. Sure, it's not always the most comfortable. But I am a girl and I'm so okay with that. I know some will argue that I'm just buying into the cultural expectations and stooping to a lower level by giving in and wearing a skirt. I don't feel that way.

I'm a bit of a feminist (in case you hadn't noticed), but not the man-hating kind that people usually hear about and stereotype. I think my role as a woman is complemented by Aaron's as a husband and love that we can work together in our goal of eternal families. I really loved this article about why she is a Mormon because she's a feminist.

Here's a comment I wrote on facebook about the cultural difficulties that can occur:
I have definitely experienced firsthand sexist and demeaning comments from leaders and other members of the church- even within my own family. I know that the attitude of some members is lacking and I understand how women can feel less-than. I always remember my mom telling me, "Remember, the church is perfect, but its members aren't." I don't feel like the doctrine, leaders of the church or God have ever looked down on me for being a woman. Nor, do I feel like they put Aaron up on a pedestal for being a man and holding the priesthood. I get a lot of crap for getting a higher education and doing it after I was married and then doing more after having a child and then working outside of the home right now "not being there for my son" and having Aaron "suffer through staying at home because he deserves more than that." Yes, these comments are offensive and I sometimes cry, but they are just other people saying them. Luckily I have an awesome husband who can talk me through incidents like this and I also believe I receive comfort through prayer knowing that I am doing alright. I really believe in families and that I am here to learn to work with Aaron to build a family. I'm grateful that we can complement each other in our roles, responsibilities and callings. I can't let others opinions get in my way.

I think it can be especially hard when some of these comments come from local leaders and are taught like doctrine like in your example. I see unrighteous dominion in many marriages and its horrible. I think the word "preside" is often taken out of context. I really like this even though it's a few years old -https://www.lds.org/ensign/1989/07/unrighteous-dominion?lang=eng. I think there as another one more recently that addresses similar issues.

On a somewhat related note (to me anyway), I have had many clients whose priesthood leaders instruct them to "pray harder" or "sleep with a Book of Mormon under your pillow" to cure depression or other mental disorders, but the truth is they aren't trained to know how to treat mental illness. They are human and trying to help out of kindness and will make mistakes in their effort to help others. I have been impressed by the church's efforts to help more leaders to refer to mental health providers instead of doing the counseling themselves as bishops etc. I think when church leaders find out about incidents like this, they try to act quickly because they recognize it's not okay and that practices like these are not doctrine.

A follow up comment from my cousin:
Practical faith sometimes escapes us as members. Here's a story from conference for you from Elder Oaks: "When a person requested a priesthood blessing, Brigham Young would ask, “Have you used any remedies?” To those who said no because “we wish the Elders to lay hands upon us, and we have faith that we shall be healed,” President Young replied: “That is very inconsistent according to my faith. If we are sick, and ask the Lord to heal us, and to do all for us that is necessary to be done, according to my understanding of the Gospel of salvation, I might as well ask the Lord to cause my wheat and corn to grow, without my plowing the ground and casting in the seed. It appears consistent to me to apply every remedy that comes within the range of my knowledge, and [then] to ask my Father in Heaven … to sanctify that application to the healing of my body."

What to say and what NOT to say when talking to kids about weight

http://moms.today.com/_news/2011/09/14/7746147-what-to-say-and-what-not-to-say-when-talking-to-kids-about-weight

1. DO talk about living a healthier lifestyle. Explain that making healthier eating choices will fuel your child’s body for school and fun and that getting physical activity and enough sleep will energize him.
DON’T talk about losing weight or dieting. Placing the focus on weight loss or diets can contribute to eating-disordered thoughts and behaviors. In addition, kids need a wide range of foods to be healthy, but diets don’t provide this; balanced choices do. Don’t make any forbidden, as there is a place for all foods in a healthy lifestyle.

2. DO make it a family affair. Tell your child that everyone in the family will work together to live a healthier lifestyle and encourage him or her to learn about healthy habits on their own and in a fun way by visiting www.fit.webmd.com.
DON’T single out one child. It will be too difficult for a child to make healthy changes if she is the only one eating healthy and exercising.

3. DO talk to your child about making sure he gets enough sleep and has adequate time to relax. When kids are sleep deprived or stressed, it is difficult for them to keep a healthy weight
DON’T pack your child’s schedule so full of activity that there is no time for unstructured play. All kids need downtime to play actively and creatively. Having the opportunity to do so will help your child relax and unwind in order to get a good night’s sleep.

4. DO make exercise fun. Explain that exercise can be play – like bike riding and playing in the park. When your child realizes this, she will be happy about moving her body.
DON’T tell your child that he must exercise every day. Instead, tell him that you will begin to plan fun ‘moving’ activities so the whole family can get healthier together.

5. DO tell your child that you love her inside and out. Reinforce that you are proud of her and tell her that, even if it takes a while to become successful at making healthier choices, you will support her as she tries.
DON’T tell your child she is ‘fat’ or ‘overweight’. Also, resist the urge to ask her to ‘try harder’ or ‘work at it more’ – or similar phrases. Your child will hear only the negatives. It is tough to become healthier, so your child needs as much support and positive feedback as possible.

For more tips and advice, including how to speak to kids of specific ages – and what to do if you suspect your child is being bullied about his or her weight – please visit www.webmd.com/raisingfitkids. 

IUDs for Birth Control May Cut Cervical Cancer Risk

Check out this article which sums up some findings from a meta-analysis with over 20,000 participants in 14 countries:
http://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/news/20110912/iud-for-birth-control-may-cut-cervical-cancer-risk

How to Talk to Little Girls

Via

via

I found this article in the Huffington Post by Lisa Boom-- LOVED IT!

I went to a dinner party at a friend's home last weekend, and met her five-year-old daughter for the first time.

Little Maya was all curly brown hair, doe-like dark eyes, and adorable in her shiny pink nightgown. I wanted to squeal, "Maya, you're so cute! Look at you! Turn around and model that pretty ruffled gown, you gorgeous thing!"

But I didn't. I squelched myself. As I always bite my tongue when I meet little girls, restraining myself from my first impulse, which is to tell them how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/ well-dressed/ well-manicured/ well-coiffed they are.

What's wrong with that? It's our culture's standard talking-to-little-girls icebreaker, isn't it? And why not give them a sincere compliment to boost their self-esteem? Because they are so darling I just want to burst when I meet them, honestly.

Hold that thought for just a moment.

This week ABC News reported that nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry about being fat. In my book, Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World, I reveal that 15 to 18 percent of girls under 12 now wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick regularly; eating disorders are up and self-esteem is down; and 25 percent of young American women would rather win America's Next Top Model than the Nobel Peace Prize. Even bright, successful college women say they'd rather be hot than smart. A Miami mom just died from cosmetic surgery, leaving behind two teenagers. This keeps happening, and it breaks my heart.

Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women have become increasingly unhappy. What's missing? A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments.

That's why I force myself to talk to little girls as follows.

"Maya," I said, crouching down at her level, looking into her eyes, "very nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," she said, in that trained, polite, talking-to-adults good girl voice.

"Hey, what are you reading?" I asked, a twinkle in my eyes. I love books. I'm nuts for them. I let that show.

Her eyes got bigger, and the practiced, polite facial expression gave way to genuine excitement over this topic. She paused, though, a little shy of me, a stranger.

"I LOVE books," I said. "Do you?"

Most kids do.

"YES," she said. "And I can read them all by myself now!"

"Wow, amazing!" I said. And it is, for a five-year-old. You go on with your bad self, Maya.

"What's your favorite book?" I asked.

"I'll go get it! Can I read it to you?"

Purplicious was Maya's pick and a new one to me, as Maya snuggled next to me on the sofa and proudly read aloud every word, about our heroine who loves pink but is tormented by a group of girls at school who only wear black. Alas, it was about girls and what they wore, and how their wardrobe choices defined their identities. But after Maya closed the final page, I steered the conversation to the deeper issues in the book: mean girls and peer pressure and not going along with the group. I told her my favorite color in the world is green, because I love nature, and she was down with that.

Not once did we discuss clothes or hair or bodies or who was pretty. It's surprising how hard it is to stay away from those topics with little girls, but I'm stubborn.

I told her that I'd just written a book, and that I hoped she'd write one too one day. She was fairly psyched about that idea. We were both sad when Maya had to go to bed, but I told her next time to choose another book and we'd read it and talk about it. Oops. That got her too amped up to sleep, and she came down from her bedroom a few times, all jazzed up.

So, one tiny bit of opposition to a culture that sends all the wrong messages to our girls. One tiny nudge towards valuing female brains. One brief moment of intentional role modeling. Will my few minutes with Maya change our multibillion dollar beauty industry, reality shows that demean women, our celebrity-manic culture? No. But I did change Maya's perspective for at least that evening.

Try this the next time you meet a little girl. She may be surprised and unsure at first, because few ask her about her mind, but be patient and stick with it. Ask her what she's reading. What does she like and dislike, and why? There are no wrong answers. You're just generating an intelligent conversation that respects her brain. For older girls, ask her about current events issues: pollution, wars, school budgets slashed. What bothers her out there in the world? How would she fix it if she had a magic wand? You may get some intriguing answers. Tell her about your ideas and accomplishments and your favorite books. Model for her what a thinking woman says and does.

And let me know the response you get at www.Twitter.com/lisabloom and Facebook.

Here's to changing the world, one little girl at a time.

For many more tips on how keep yourself and your daughter smart, check out my new book, Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World, www.Think.tv

A Mother's Influence on Beauty

Growing up in our culture can be daunting- especially as a girl. I felt like I was always receiving messages about how I should feel, act and look. "You shouldn't wear orange if you're a red head." "Always cross your ankles and never your legs." "Never go out in public without makeup." "Never speak your mind because it might be offensive to somebody." There were a lot of silent messages, too. I would be standing in line at the grocery checkout and notice all of the magazines with girls with perfect, tan skin, with their collar bones visible and figured that's what I would need to look like to be considered beautiful in our society. Luckily, I had a great mother to counteract these false definitions of beauty.

My mom trained me about beauty from a young age. She would often comment on how grossly skinny some girls were. Or she'd mention that I looked beautiful. Anytime she'd hear me commenting about how wide my hips were or how upset I was about the size of my breasts, she'd remind me that I was beautiful and that my body was a gift from God. She also taught me about the importance of looking like a real woman with curves and how part of our purpose as women is to bring children into the world. Without real hips, breasts, fat storage etc. this wouldn't be possible.

My parents have always been affectionate with each other. I remember my dad always complimenting my mom on how beautiful she was. My mom and dad would go out on fancy dates at least once a month where my mom would wear a silk blouse, skirt and stilettos and put on some flashy lipstick. I always thought she looked beautiful. The funny thing is, my mom isn't exactly tan nor was she a size 2. She knew how to take care of herself and her body and she had confidence that radiated beauty.

My mom is definitely the one who provided the foundation for my definition of beauty to come about. Without the great example of my mother and regular conversations with her regarding healthy body image, wellness and beauty, I would still be very confused and trying to figure out how to fit in. Mothers (and fathers) have such a huge impact on shaping their children's definition of beauty. One expert said, "Parents who maintain healthy attitudes about their own bodies, who model healthy eating behaviors, and who provide nutritious food for their family, preparing, serving, and sitting down to eat meals together with children as frequently as is possible, virtually immunize their child from developing eating problems."1 I thought of a few things that my parents did and wanted to share them with you. Obviously, these tips aren't fool proof, but they will definitely provide a great base from which your can learn and grow.

Here are some tips for mothers to help influence their daughters' definitions of beauty:

1. Never demean your own body. People can tell if you aren't satisfied with your body. It will radiate in how you carry yourself, talk, act, what situations you avoid etc.

2. Respect your body. Don't fall for the fad diets or other tricks that suck you into the unhealthy body ideal of today.

3. Encourage a wellness lifestyle. Do exercises that you enjoy. Eat a well-balanced diet.

4. Be aware of how you may be getting caught in the American ideal for beauty. For example, don't purposefully buy clothes that are a smaller size and then use them as motivation to get smaller.

5. Be aware of comments you make regarding other's appearance and/or eating habits. Never joke, shame or make comments about other's body size and/or eating habits. These off-hand comments may be the most memorable for your children.

6. Talk openly with your daughter about body image and beauty regularly. Help her distinguish between what's real and what's not. Help her have realistic expectations of beauty for herself and others.

7. Help your daughter have a vision for her future that goes beyond her appearance. Help her find hobbies and activities she enjoys and establish goals with her. Encourage her in the activities she enjoys.

8. Pay attention to comments your daughter makes about her body and appearance. Listen and be empathic. Although some comments may be irrational, she still genuinely feels this way. Be there as a person for her to talk to. Engage her in a conversation about what she thinks she could do to improve her body, health, ability to do certain things etc. and how she plans to do this.

9. Teach your daughter that there is no such thing as the "ideal" body. Beautiful bodies come in all shapes and sizes.

10. Encourage your daughter to be aware of and share her feelings instead of harboring them in her body. Young children, especially, tend to manifest anxiety and other stressors in the form of stomach and other body aches.

11. Discourage extreme behaviors such as sleeping too long, too little or too late, dieting, exercising too much or too little. This will help her feel better in her body.

12. Help her have a respect for the many amazing functions and purposes her body serves.

13. Praise your daughter for who she is, not how she looks. Find non-materialistic things to compliment her on such as her ability to get along with so many people, her dedication in work, and her passion.



*I wrote this article as part of the Recapturing Beauty Campaign started by BYU Women's Services (they have a blog, too). You can see my original article here.

Crazy Postpartum Thoughts

Tonight, I confessed to Aaron my worst thought after having Aidan. Aaron was shocked!

There was one night where I think I had 2 hours of sleep total in 10-30 minute spurts. I was in Aidan's room in the rocking chair and he kept crying and crying and wanting to eat and I remember visualizing throwing him at a wall and him landing in his crib. I would never, ever, ever do that, but I pictured it.

My turning point for letting him cry it out was after another crazy night. I'll have to post about that later, though.

I was telling my friend about it at work today and she showed me this clip from Scrubs.

What was your worst thought postpartum?

You can post anonymously if you'd like.

Ads Banned for Overly Airbrushing

L'Oreal advertisements of Julia Roberts & Christy Turlington have been banned for being "overly airbrushed".

I'm pretty happy to see somebody actually taking a stand for this.

I wonder where they draw the line at "normal" airbrushing versus "overly" airbrushed. It just seems so confusing. The ads were banned because they couldn't/wouldn't show exactly how much airbrushing had been done and what had been altered which is a requirement for cosmetic advertisements.

Basically, everything we see on TV and in Magazines has some kind of airbrush technique. Did you know that Julia Roberts had a body double in Pretty Women? Seriously, she is GORGEOUS as is- even without makeup!

Do you think airbrushing/photoshopping should be regulated? What messages, if any, does it send? Some would argue that we already know the pictures are fake so it doesn't even make a difference.

The More People Can Wonder

I think she made this comment a few years ago in an interview, but this quote is circulating quite a bit. I love it!

Watch Your Step

http://youtu.be/gWQ5dPeixdw



This is a great video by the LDS Church showing the slippery slope of addiction. I think the message can still be applied to variety of struggles and addictions- not just pornography. What demons are you fighting and what's been helpful for you?

When we face such temptations in our time, we must declare, as young Nephi did in his, “[I will] give place no more for the enemy of my soul." I promise you that the light of His everlasting gospel can and will again shine brightly where you feared life had gone hopelessly, helplessly dark.

See CombatingPornography.org to find resources to help prevent or overcome pornography addiction.

Also, you can read, watch, or listen to Elder Jeffrey R. Holland’s April 2010 general conference address, “Place No More for the Enemy of My Soul,” which is excerpted in this video.

Photo-shopping

See the full album at Beauty Redefined's facebook page or blog 
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.193230777374742.45179.193209467376873

Mormon Women: The Weight of a Soul

This was such a powerful interview.
Go read about Beth and her battle with body image and eating.
http://www.mormonwomen.com/2011/07/13/the-weight-of-a-soul/

The really hard thing about eating disorders is that you have to eat. You can’t separate yourself from food.

Becoming Great Women

"...You cannot do everything well at the same time. You cannot be a 100 percent wife, a 100 percent mother, a 100 percent church worker, a 100 percent career person, and a 100 percent public-service person at the same time. How can all of these roles be coordinated? Says Sarah Davidson: “The only answer I come up with is that you can have it sequentially. At one stage you may emphasize career, and at another marriage and nurturing young children, and at any point you will be aware of what is missing. If you are lucky, you will be able to fit everything in.” (Ibid.)

Doing things sequentially—filling roles one at a time at different times—is not always possible, as we know, but it gives a woman the opportunity to do each thing well in its time and to fill a variety of roles in her life. A woman does not necessarily have to track a career like a man does. She may fit more than one career into the various seasons of life. She need not try to sing all of the verses of her song at the same time.

The Book of Ecclesiastes says: “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” (Eccl. 3:1.)

The various roles of women have not decreased a woman’s responsibility. While these roles are challenging, the central roles of wife and mother remain in the soul and cry out to be satisfied. It is in the soul to want to love and be loved by a good man and to be able to respond to the God-given, deepest feelings of womanhood—those of being a mother and nurturer.

Now, I wish to note clearly that what I am saying is in the spirit of general counsel—that is, it applies generally. But there are exceptions in its application...I join Brigham Young in saying, “Daughter(s), use all your gifts to build up righteousness in the earth.”

A Message to My Granddaughters: Becoming Great Women. Ensign, Sept. 1986, 16

Media Bodies

Jennifer Loch used these pictures in her presentation at the Dating Conference. I thought these pictures were stunning and awesome and thought I'd share.

Sometimes, I catch myself wondering why I don't look like models. But this made me realize that even models don't look like models. See if you can tell the difference. She had them in powerpoint and it was awesome to flip back and forth and watch the waistline, hips, shoulders, face etc all change.









The average American woman is 5'4", 163 pounds and wears a size 14.
The "ideal" woman portrayed by Barbie, models etc is 100 pounds, 5'7" and wears a size 8.
Many woman are now starving themselves into osteoporosis because they think dairy products will make them fat.

I'm really a huge fan of Intuitive Eating. Basically, eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full.

Eternal Families

I'm preparing my lesson for tomorrow's Sunday School which is The Family is Ordained of God.

The family is central to God’s plan.
President Gordon B. Hinckley taught: “Why do we have this proclamation on the family now? Because the family is under attack. All across the world families are falling apart. The place to begin to improve society is in the home. Children do, for the most part, what they are taught. We are trying to make the world better by making the family stronger” (“Inspirational Thoughts,” Ensign, Aug. 1997, 5).

The power to create mortal life is sacred.
“Children are the inheritance of the Lord to us in this life and also in eternity. Eternal life is not only to have forever our descendants from this life. It is also to have eternal increase. … “We can understand why our Heavenly Father commands us to reverence life and to cherish the powers that produce it as sacred. If we do not have those reverential feelings in this life, how could our Father give them to us in the eternities?”
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve taught: “The body is an essential part of the soul. … We declare that one who uses the God-given body of another without divine sanction abuses the very soul of that individual, abuses the central purpose and processes of life. … In sexual transgression the soul is at stake—the body and the spirit” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1998, 99–100; or Ensign, Nov. 1998, 76).

Parents have a sacred duty to care for each other and teach their children.
President Gordon B. Hinckley taught: “When you are married, be fiercely loyal one to another. Selfishness is the great destroyer of happy family life. If you will make your first concern the comfort, the well-being, and the happiness of your companion, sublimating any personal concern to that loftier goal, you will be happy, and your marriage will go on throughout eternity” (“Excerpts from Recent Addresses of President Gordon B. Hinckley,” Ensign, Dec. 1995, 67).
President Spencer W. Kimball said: “It is the responsibility of the parents to teach their children. The Sunday School, the Primary, [Mutual,] and other organizations of the Church play a secondary role”

Successful marriages and families are based on righteous principles.
“Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.”
President Gordon B. Hinckley taught:
“If there is to be a return to old and sacred values, it must begin in the home. It is here that truth is learned, that integrity is cultivated, that self-discipline is instilled, and that love is nurtured. …
“Sisters, guard your children. … Nothing is more precious to you as mothers, absolutely nothing. Your children are the most valuable thing you will have in time or all eternity. You will be fortunate indeed if, as you grow old and look at those you brought into the world, you find in them uprightness of life, virtue in living, and integrity in their behavior”

Recognizing and avoiding abuse
The proclamation warns that those “who abuse spouse or offspring … will one day stand accountable before God.” Church leaders have spoken out against abuse of any kind. The following quotation from President Gordon B. Hinckley to priesthood brethren can be applied to both men and women: “Never abuse your wives. Never abuse your children. But gather them in your arms and make them feel of your love and your appreciation and your respect. Be good husbands. Be good fathers”

Strengthening families is everyone’s responsibility
President Gordon B. Hinckley told a gathering of mayors and other public officials: “To you men and women of great influence, you who preside in the cities of the nation, to you I say that it will cost far less to reform our schools, to teach the virtues of good citizenship, than it will to go on building and maintaining costly jails and prisons. … But there is another institution of even greater importance than the schools. It is the home. I believe that no nation can rise higher than the strength of its families”
“The plan of the Father is that family love and companionship will continue into the eternities. Being … in a family carries a great responsibility of caring, loving, lifting, and strengthening each member of the family so that all can righteously endure to the end in mortality and dwell together throughout eternity. It is not enough just to save ourselves. It is equally important that parents, brothers, and sisters are saved in our families. If we return home alone to our Heavenly Father, we will be asked, ‘Where is the rest of the family?’ ”

Women is God's Supreme Creation

“Woman is God’s supreme creation. Only after the earth had been formed, after the day had been separated from the night, after the waters had been divided from the land, after vegetation and animal life had been created, and after man had been placed on the earth, was woman created; and only then was the work pronounced complete and good.
Of all the creations of the Almighty, there is none more beautiful, none more inspiring than a lovely daughter of God who walks in virtue with an understanding of why she should do so, who honors and respects her body as a thing sacred and divine, who cultivates her mind and constantly enlarges the horizon of her understanding, who nurtures her spirit with everlasting truth.” -President Hinckley

What's the Ideal Body Figure

I love studies like this that examine things that I'm interested in. I wonder how these attitudes play into disordered eating, workout obsessions, how males and females treat each other, the effects this has on a relationship, the cultural context etc.

This study was done in 1985 and is super popular. People replicate it all the time and look at differences between generations, cultures etc.

Basically, they asked men and women to note where they believe they are currently on the body scale, then note where they would like to be ideally, and what they think is attractive to the opposite sex. They also asked them to mark on the opposite gender's chart what they find attractive.

It's interesting to me that men think they should be bigger/bulkier and women think they should be skinnier. I wonder how much this has changed in the past few years. I think there are more guys trying to be skinny lately as well as the pressure to be really muscly so it's kind of divided (Note all the nasty skinny jeans men wear lately. I guess they're just helping with survival of the fittest.)

Click on the figure to be able to read it.
Fallon, A. E., & Rozin, P. (1985). Sex differences in perceptions of desirable body shape. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 94, 102–105.