tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9660462861747641572024-03-05T04:11:19.775-08:00Mormon, Mother and Marriage & Family TherapistLaurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.comBlogger161125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-85999892546470765822016-01-18T11:30:00.000-08:002016-01-18T11:30:00.889-08:00Disconnect to ReconnectI've been observing another faculty member this semester and have left each class feeling inspired. This past week, we discussed attachment theory.<br />
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In a nutshell, attachment theory describes the emotional bonds felt between people. It can be broken into different categories, but the most often described are 1) Secure 2) Anxious 3) Avoidant and 4) Ambivalent.<br />
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If you're curious what you are, ask yourself the following questions:<br />
1. Am I loveable?<br />
2. Can I trust you?<br />
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<b>Secure attachment</b>: Yes, I am loveable. Yes I trust you. This is the ultimate goal.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAy2q_IlasS2u6U_XqI2yHuVBJwiO7re_PWcTCPxnnHtLDrYORHd-mBs8UxrohYWeUGHPaJq1mPziOCywYdBgas_G3PTZDvH18HDGoKgllYxKgFM_OCddJCMrxf2fl0W9aucDZ3YDxOu5n/s1600/PoohPiglet+Attachment.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAy2q_IlasS2u6U_XqI2yHuVBJwiO7re_PWcTCPxnnHtLDrYORHd-mBs8UxrohYWeUGHPaJq1mPziOCywYdBgas_G3PTZDvH18HDGoKgllYxKgFM_OCddJCMrxf2fl0W9aucDZ3YDxOu5n/s320/PoohPiglet+Attachment.jpg" width="215" /></a></div>
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<b>Avoidant attachment</b>: Yes, I am loveable. No, I can't trust you. I would say these are more likely to be the kind that are video gaming, numbing out, drugs, always connected to a device. The underfunctioners. Fear immobilizes them.<br />
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<b>Anxious attachment</b>: No, I'm not loveable. Yes, I can trust you. These are the people who believe they can only be loved once they achieve/perform. The overfunctioners.<br />
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<b>Ambivalent attachment</b>: No, I'm not loveable. No, I can't trust you. This most often emerges in those who have a history of trauma. They want you close, but once you get close, they push you away.<br />
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I noticed that after I started working at BYU, I would often find myself on social media- more than ever before. I'd gone from working with 90% women and talking about kids, dating, recipes, life etc. to working mostly alone in my office and was surrounded by colleagues in a different stage of life. Going to lunch now meant that we were going to schedule in another hour of work during lunch instead of going to lunch to hear the latest dating stories and talk about our parenting woes and triumphs. Additionally, most evenings my husband was now gone so I'm usually at work or with my kids. And no longer living in a townhouse community meant I actually had to set up play dates and try for other connection with moms. It's been a bit hard on me. I was craving some more connection. Social media provides some diminished form of connection, but not quite the real thing. There is just something about adult connection that I miss. Nevertheless, I find myself on social media quite often.<br />
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This lecture that I watched really hit me. He proposed that the biggest threat to our relationships right now is technology. I've read the articles about how technology can get in the way of parent-child relationships and seen the pictures.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9LPegvH3xOLHYv8OMNESkaF3A9L5VgAtrM3c9wQpQaQfgc_HqucQI-DW7hGLSgYs2DR7AfV4hmgWXDdTenq0xQbEJoGdM-LvSu907QCmPXKN5eTxBR6wlCnhS3t9ozVEiyXoeV4eCZHTo/s1600/Phone+between+Mom+%2526+Child.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9LPegvH3xOLHYv8OMNESkaF3A9L5VgAtrM3c9wQpQaQfgc_HqucQI-DW7hGLSgYs2DR7AfV4hmgWXDdTenq0xQbEJoGdM-LvSu907QCmPXKN5eTxBR6wlCnhS3t9ozVEiyXoeV4eCZHTo/s320/Phone+between+Mom+%2526+Child.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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What message do we want to send our kids? How available are we to them? How responsive are we to their needs? How emotionally engaged and present are we when they want us?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqNdR8VzfwHBRA-D0h8kbn98rReaqnZcbMjL1pehVT1SwzwjvfmSKnkOrJ82afKDCJVTNtDviehAI6pg0GmYlWT3lnB1pH3P_d1FiFN0Xq_hm07ZSo_fPHdbjYQYSeTKoVD58f1QsVanpF/s1600/Be+Fully+Present.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqNdR8VzfwHBRA-D0h8kbn98rReaqnZcbMjL1pehVT1SwzwjvfmSKnkOrJ82afKDCJVTNtDviehAI6pg0GmYlWT3lnB1pH3P_d1FiFN0Xq_hm07ZSo_fPHdbjYQYSeTKoVD58f1QsVanpF/s320/Be+Fully+Present.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I'm trying this year to put my phone down when I get home from work and spend more quality time with my kids. Trying to not just turn on PBS when we first wake up in the morning and actually be present with them. And, most importantly, trying to teach my kids to better emotionally regulate. There are some recent studies that suggest that more use of technology in kids is highly correlated with sensory disorders, anxiety, depression, and ADHD. I've been guilty of handing my kids a tablet or turning on a show to get them to stop fighting instead of actually helping them work through it. Kids are not regulating as well as they used to. And my guess is parents are doing the same thing. When I'm stressed and want to unwind, I will often go to mindless social media and scroll away. Not the best thing to do. And it may work a bit, but connection would be the better solution.<br />
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Have you seen this commercial?<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/is5W6GxAI3c/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/is5W6GxAI3c?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
Do you hear the kids? "I'd die without my phone." "When I'm feeling stressed, I just play video games. It's like I'm in the game."<br />
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I know I need to do better with my own emotional regulation and I'm hoping to. How often do you find yourself connected to technology instead of a human? How are you emotionally regulating? There's some great <a href="http://news.byu.edu/archive13-oct-texting.aspx">research </a>done by a woman I went through grad school with that examined couples' use of texting in relationships. They found that when texting was used to express love, affection and even reminders of tasks it could build relational satisfactory. However, using texts to apologize, criticize and argue actually hurt relationships and caused more insecurity in couples.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWfKls-kJ34Wru1BvFgt0bKAGe1yhtp3VsJoGsuzZE8ViZ-Z9cpHbc-90usixtR8CSkmpONwSRZTZYmtBM8Bm_U02TqTprgK5tzeUP9lbAMxjuVwpwREqAaQjq6n8sm1Ozn3J9l9mUfGF6/s1600/Phone+between+Husband+Wife.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWfKls-kJ34Wru1BvFgt0bKAGe1yhtp3VsJoGsuzZE8ViZ-Z9cpHbc-90usixtR8CSkmpONwSRZTZYmtBM8Bm_U02TqTprgK5tzeUP9lbAMxjuVwpwREqAaQjq6n8sm1Ozn3J9l9mUfGF6/s320/Phone+between+Husband+Wife.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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Some teenagers and young adults today are so emotionally stunted and can hardly come talk to the professor after class and look them in the eye, let alone have an emotionally intense conversation or attempt vulnerability in a relationship. I know I'm not the only one who's been in a room of people and we're all on our own electronic device not actually talking to each other or only talking about the things we're reading on the news, seeing in social media. I'm a bit worried about the newest generations where technology has been around since their birth, but only time will tell.<br />
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"The solution for more connection will never be more screen time."<br />
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<blockquote cite="https://www.facebook.com/deseretnews/videos/10153812950444655/">
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/deseretnews/videos/10153812950444655/">Put your phone #DownForOne hour</a><br />
This could be the most important resolution you make this year<br />
Posted by <a href="https://www.facebook.com/deseretnews/">Deseret News</a> on Monday, January 4, 2016</blockquote>
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Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-7683332787150510442014-08-20T21:57:00.001-07:002014-08-20T21:57:03.511-07:00Some Honest Thoughts as a Mother Who Works<div>
I've felt so incredibly self-conscious and anxious this past year. My anxiety has been borderline panicky. Sometimes, it just feels like my skin is crawling. Sometimes, I just want to break down and cry. It's a lot of pressure I've put upon myself. I love to be successful. I loved being in school- I did it for 20 years, darn it! I knew I was good at it. </div>
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My new job as a faculty member is a whole new adventure that I'm not quite sure how to navigate through.</div>
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I don't want to let myself down. I told my therapist the other day, "I don't want to seem stuck up, but I've had a very blessed life. All my life I dreamed of going to BYU. It was the only college I applied to. I got in. I got full-ride scholarships all the way through a PhD. I have met the people I've needed to meet to get connected. I got a great job at the end of my program when our family needed it. I got my dream job at age 25.... I could go on, but it basically seems in my life I've worked hard and I've gotten everything I've ever wanted..... I just don't want these big things- My dream job. My Children. My Marriage. The big things that matter- to be the things I fail at. Because I know everybody has to fail at some point..... What if my time is now?"</div>
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Failure terrifies me.</div>
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My thinking goes something like this on a regular basis... (see if you can even follow)</div>
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<i>I love my job, but what if I'm not good at my job? I think I'm good at it. The students and faculty tell me I'm really good and my vitality brings a lot. What if I can't get CFS? What if they don't really like me? I'm improving the program so much, though. I have such a good vision. What if they're just playing me and just want me here to get things together and they'll let me go in a couple years? What if this is all just some funny game to them? What if I don't ever feel welcome? What if I fail my dream job?</i></div>
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<i>What a waste it would be if I spent so much time working at home and at work while my kids are young. What if my kids turn out to be delinquent? It'll be all my fault for working. All this research that shows how moms are such a great impact on their children- especially when they're young like mine are. Oh gosh. It'll be all my fault. If Aidan ever does drugs. If Avalon has premartial sex. If they're bullied. If they become bullies. It'll be all my fault because I wasn't home more.</i></div>
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<i>But being home all the time would honestly drive me crazy. Does that make me a bad woman? Am I a bad LDS woman because I want to work? I got a PhD. I should use it. He opened doors of opportunity for this. Should I be repenting of my desire to work? Is this just a test from Him to see if I can let go of this job? Should I be quitting? Should I be choosing my family over work? Can I do both? How do people balance this? I'm pretty sure God told us this was the correct choice for us at this time. </i></div>
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<i>And what about Aaron? He's been so down lately; it's like he's been </i><i>emasculated</i><i>. He doesn't have a career and he's 30. He always mentions that he wants a career. Am I so selfish to work while he stays home? He doesn't really have any friends in our new town. He has hobbies, but I don't really like them the way he does. What if me working is tearing our marriage apart? What if he needs to work? He hasn't finished his Bachelor's yet. Another thing that kills at his self-esteem. Is that my fault somehow, too? But really I guess he couldn't provide right now like I can provide.</i></div>
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<i>Oh man, the pressure of </i>providing<i>. That just feels so heavy. I hate feeling like every bit of our life depends on me- our house, our cars, our kids' education and future, groceries, ayeeee. I wonder if this is how Aaron felt while he was working full-time. This is insane. So much pressure. </i></div>
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<i>I have to provide, but I also need to be the nurturer. How the heck do I do both? What if I fail? What if I utterly fail at that which is most important? Okay. Job- I could find a new job. My kids and my husband are what matter. I should focus more on them. Screw working my butt off for work. It's not like I'll get a decent raise, anyway, since I don't publish. But I do still have to provide... </i></div>
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<i>Okay. Breathe. It'll all be okay. God has a plan. It'll all be okay. He can see everything. Remember your patriarchal blessing. Breathe. Pray.... </i></div>
Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-38146714194695617622013-09-01T17:56:00.001-07:002013-09-01T17:57:16.013-07:00Marriage is Hard, Life is Hard: "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence"<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times; font-size: 14px;">"...I would like to have a dollar for every person in a courtship who knew he or she had felt the guidance of the Lord in that relationship, had prayed about the experience enough to know it was the will of the Lord, knew they loved each other and enjoyed each other’s company, and saw a lifetime of wonderful compatibility ahead—only to panic, to get a brain cramp, to have total catatonic fear sweep over them. They “draw back,” as Paul said, if not into perdition at least into marital paralysis.</span><br />
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I am not saying you shouldn’t be very careful about something as significant and serious as marriage. And I certainly am not saying that a young man can get a revelation that he is to marry a certain person without that young woman getting the same confirmation. I have seen a lot of those one-way revelations in young people’s lives. Yes, there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been genuine illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. <i>If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now.</i> Don’t give up when the pressure mounts. You can find an apartment. You can win over your mother-in-law. You can sell your harmonica and therein fund one more meal. It’s been done before. Don’t give in. <i>Certainly don’t give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness.</i> He wants everyone to be miserable like unto himself. Face your doubts. Master your fears. “<b>Cast not away therefore your confidence</b>.” Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you."...</div>
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Virtually everyone in the room knows the formula for revelation given in section 9 of the Doctrine and Covenants—you know, the verses about studying it out in your mind and the Lord promising to confirm or deny. What most of us don’t read in conjunction with this is the section that precedes it—section 8. In that revelation the Lord defined <i>revelation:</i></div>
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<i>I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost, which shall come upon you and which shall dwell in your heart.</i> [I love the combination there of both mind and heart. God will teach us in a reasonable way and in a revelatory way—mind and heart combined, by the Holy Ghost.]"</div>
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<a href="http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=795">http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=795</a></div>
Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-40445969231967862972013-07-28T21:21:00.000-07:002013-07-28T21:21:04.522-07:00Sleep and the Teenage Brain<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I just read <a href="http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/07/17/sleep-and-the-teenage-brain/">this very interesting article</a> about sleep and teenagers. I'm noticing that now that I'm done with school and can be <i>more </i>in tune with my awake and tired cues I tend to go to sleep around 10:30. I'm still not totally honoring them because of a newborn and a toddler, of course, but it's a huge improvement from when I was doing homework after the kids went to sleep.<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: fenwick-1, fenwick-2, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: -1px; line-height: 21px;">"Biology’s cruel joke goes something like this: As a teenage body goes through puberty, its circadian rhythm essentially shifts three hours backward. Suddenly, going to bed at nine or ten o’clock at night isn’t just a drag, but close to a biological impossibility. Studies of teenagers around the globe have found that adolescent brains do not start releasing melatonin until around eleven o’clock at night and keep pumping out the hormone well past sunrise. Adults, meanwhile, have little-to-no melatonin in their bodies when they wake up. With all that melatonin surging through their bloodstream, teenagers who are forced to be awake before eight in the morning are often barely alert and want nothing more than to give in to their body’s demands and fall back asleep. Because of the shift in their circadian rhythm, asking a teenager to perform well in a classroom during the early morning is like asking him or her to fly across the country and instantly adjust to the new time zone — and then do the same thing every night, for four years.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: fenwick-1, fenwick-2, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: -1px; line-height: 21px;">...The lack of sleep affects the teenage brain in similar ways to the adult brain, only more so. Chronic sleep deprivation in adolescents diminishes the brain’s ability to learn new information, and can lead to emotional issues like depression and aggression. Researchers now see sleep problems as a cause, and not a side effect, of teenage depression. In one study by researchers at Columbia University, teens who went to bed at 10 p.m. or earlier were less likely to suffer from depression or suicidal thoughts than those who regularly stayed awake well after midnight."</span>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-30125190622727096402013-07-28T20:43:00.002-07:002013-07-28T20:43:25.115-07:00Multitasking<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Verdana, Bitstream Vera Sans', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 19px; padding: 0px;">
At any given point, I tend to have at least 3 tabs open and probably a word document and/or spreadsheet open on my computer...</div>
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"We live in a society that seems to force multitasking. Most people do not do it very well, but researchers at the University of Utah have identified "supertaskers".</div>
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"But it's only 2-and-a-half percent that are able to engage in those activities simultaneously without impairment," said Jason Watson, associate professor of Cognition and Neural Science at the University of Utah."</div>
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<a href="http://www.ksl.com/?sid=26018297&nid=148&title=want-to-be-productive-stop-multitasking&fm=home_page&s_cid=queue-6">LINK</a></div>
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There's a fun little game that can test your ability to multitask <a href="http://open-site.org/blog/the-multitask-test/">HERE</a></div>
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<iframe frameborder="0" height="450" id="multitask-info" name="multitask-info" src="http://open-site.org/blog/the-multitask-test/game.php" style="height: 450px;" width="450"></iframe><br />
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Created by <a href="http://open-site.org/blog/the-multitask-test">http://Open-Site.org</a></div>
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Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-46218029972521274122013-07-16T21:27:00.000-07:002013-07-16T22:08:40.519-07:0015 Reasons Why Being Married to a Therapist May Actually be More Difficult Than Dating ThemRecently, eHarmony posted an awesome article with a list of <a href="http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/date-tips/15-reasons-to-date-a-therapist/#.UeYKto2qDHd">15 Reasons to Date a Therapist</a>. They are pretty awesome reasons!<br />
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As I was reading through them, I thought,<i> Hm. I'm a pretty normal wife with plenty of issues. Pretty sure Aaron is a much better person for being married to a therapist than I am </i>as <i>the therapist</i>.<br />
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So I came up with a little add-on for each of the eHarmony reasons for why that reason could actual be a bit of a stumbling block in a marriage thus making the spouse o the therapist the "better" marriage partner.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlvuIDQj2MXVKM9KhnUum__1qJLs1XqI_DQRnuh_2PLxjn0qYEWZYoznAzwEFIYKVZ7Lu2wvBt5Ko57ROwL9SMzRi7V0h5wMGNlRu1xOF9CVYFRI7tD2edyY6SLQ5oZHwCDBjM79h4TV4t/s1600/TrustMeTherapist.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="277" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlvuIDQj2MXVKM9KhnUum__1qJLs1XqI_DQRnuh_2PLxjn0qYEWZYoznAzwEFIYKVZ7Lu2wvBt5Ko57ROwL9SMzRi7V0h5wMGNlRu1xOF9CVYFRI7tD2edyY6SLQ5oZHwCDBjM79h4TV4t/s320/TrustMeTherapist.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">15 Reasons <strike>to Date a Therapist</strike> Being Married to a Therapist Isn't Anything Amazing </span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">(or Perhaps, Why it is Even More Difficult than the Average Marriage)</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">AKA </span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><u>15 Reasons Anybody Married to a Therapist Is Amazing and Deserves an Award for their Patience, Empathy and Understanding</u></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
1. Therapists are great listeners, and intentionally do so without judgement.<br />
<b>But when therapists have been listening to people all day long, they really just want somebody to listen to them talk without judgment.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
2. Therapists keep secrets. If you’re looking for someone trustworthy, a therapist is trained in confidentiality.<br />
<b>This also means they may be a bit socially awkward because they can't discuss the details of their work at the local dinner parties and after-work chat may be limited when you ask about their day.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
3. Therapists offer good advice and can help you make wise choices if you’re looking for input into a difficult situation.<br />
<b>Or they'll just sit their and ask you what you think you should do in various phrasings over and over until you've made the best decision yourself (... or have you?)</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
4. Therapists are compassionate.<br />
<b>Which means they may often come home burnt out and just not have any compassion left when you want to talk to them at the end of the day so they tell you to just, "Deal with it".</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
5. A lot of people are in therapy. If your date is good at what he/she does, he/she has job security.<br />
<b>You may end up in therapy at multiple points in your marriage because everybody needs therapy- including you, and your marriage, and your kids etc.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
6. Therapists are acutely aware of emotional needs and the human condition. It’s safe to be vulnerable around them.<br />
<b>They carry a lot of emotions throughout the day while only showing clients brief snippets of their reactions. You will get to witness the full brunt and the crying meltdown if your spouse had a hard day or is feeling incredibly empathetic toward a client and their struggles. (You also get to see the good and great days, too. It can be a bit of a roller coaster.)</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
7. Therapists want to see positive change take place and are proactive when it comes to problem-solving.<br />
<b>You may find yourself saying to your spouse, "I just want you to listen. Stop giving me solutions."</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
8. Therapists are good communicators. Not only do they listen well, they help people acknowledge their own weaknesses and make healthy decisions. Game-playing and cryptic comments won’t help clients, so neither are part of their communication arsenal.<br />
<b>Because they aren't usually cryptic with clients, they may overdo it with you at home because they don't want to seem like they are being too bossy and powerful in your marriage and want to make sure all decisions are very mutual.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
9. Therapists have seen and heard it all. Your date will not be intimidated by your crazy family.<br />
<b>But now you also understand why your spouse became a therapist- your in-laws. Of course he/she wasn't intimidated by your crazy family!</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
10. Therapists might seem like intimidating dates, but they aren’t holier-than-thou. Rather, therapists are aware of their own weaknesses, insecurities and shortcomings. You’ll soon realize that your therapist significant other could be just as confused as you are at times.<br />
<b>You will see them at their lowest lows and wonder, "How could anybody pay him/her for help and guidance through problems and difficulties? He/She is barely keeping it together." or "Why does anybody pay a therapist when they are really just normal people?"</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
11. Therapists are safe and consistent. When other people have crises, they call your date for wisdom, stability and security. Others trust that he/she will be there for them even when they make poor choices or little progress.<br />
<b>Your dates and quiet time could and will be interrupted by those friends that are having crises. If you are struggling, you may feel intimidated to reach out to your own spouse feeling that they already have too many other people to worry about.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
12. Therapists are interesting. Instead of small talk about the weather, your date can offer interesting facts and tidbits about human behavior. Even while keeping cases confidential, therapists still have plenty of entertaining stories to share.<br />
<b>The entertaining stories are often surrounding socially taboo topics and will usually make other guests blush or offer a courtesy laugh as they walk away, leaving you and your spouse alone.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
13. Therapists at work aren’t necessarily therapists at home. Don’t assume that a therapist is going to act or respond a certain way at home because of what he/she does for a living. Even the best therapists can neglect to make wise decisions during off hours. If you’re paranoid about getting analyzed during every fight, you may be surprised to find your date uninterested in using psychobabble outside the office.<br />
<b>You get to be the stronger one in the relationship and help buoy your partner when they are struggling. You will learn to pick on the smallest emotional or physical cues in your spouse and be ready to jump in at any moment to help him/her.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
14. Therapists are available to those who need them. You date will understand that in certain situations, it’s important to always be available. While this may be annoying for therapists’ partners, it’s encouraging to know that your therapist date is prepared to drop everything for you when times get tough.<br />
<b>He/she may often be running late from work due to client's doorknob therapy or most recent crisis because he/she needed to help the client become functional and commit to safety before ending the session.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
15. Therapists are emotionally strong. They help clients process heartbreaking stories all the time. If you need a shoulder to cry on, your partner will be capable of sharing the burden.<br />
<b>Therapists appear emotionally strong, but also get burdened at times and need a break. So, have your shoulder ready and your arms open to hold her.</b><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<b><br /></b>
<b><br /></b><b><br /></b>
*Please note that some of these may seem insensitive, but I'm just being brutally honest and/or attempting some humor hereLaurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-34671177912116982012013-07-14T22:50:00.002-07:002013-07-16T21:29:42.825-07:00Advice from Elder Busche<div class="MsoNormal">
Elder F. Enzio Busche</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Quorum of the Seventy<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
BYU Devotional May 14, 1996<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
I want to share with you a vehicle, an instrument, that I
developed some time ago for myself and for my family. It can assist us to reach
our focus as we read the suggested vision of true discipleship as a Latter-day
Saint. It helps when we, from time to time, ponder and seek identification with
the following thoughts. <o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Embrace this day with an enthusiastic welcome, no matter how
it looks. The covenant with God to which you are true enables you to become
enlightened by him, and nothing is impossible for you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When you are physically sick, tired, or in despair, steer
your thoughts away from yourself and direct them, in gratitude and love, toward
God. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In your life there have to be challenges. They will either
bring you closer to God and therefore make you stronger, or they can destroy
you. But you make the decision of which road you take. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First and foremost, you are a spirit child of God. If you
neglect to feed your spirit, you will reap unhappiness. Don’t permit anything
to detract you from this awareness. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You cannot communicate with God unless you have first
sacrificed your self-oriented natural man and have brought yourself into the
lower levels of meekness, to become acceptable for the Light of Christ. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Put all frustrations, hurt feelings, and grumblings into the
perspective of your eternal hope. Light will flow into your soul. Pause to
ponder the suffering Christ felt in the Garden of Gethsemane. In the awareness
of the depth of gratitude for him, you appreciate every opportunity to show
your love for him by diligently serving in his Church. God knows that you are
not perfect.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As you suffer about
your imperfections he will give you comfort and suggestions of where to
improve. God knows better than you what you need. He always attempts to speak
to you.<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Listen, and follow the uncomfortable suggestions that he
makes to us—everything will fall into its place. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Avoid any fear like your worst enemy, but magnify your fear
about the consequences of sin. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When you cannot love someone, look into that person’s eyes
long enough to find the hidden rudiments of the child of God in him. Never
judge anyone. When you accept this, you will be freed. In the case of your own
children or subordinates, where you have the responsibility to judge help them
to become their own judges. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If someone hurts you so much that your feelings seem to
choke you, forgive and you will be free again. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Avoid at all cost any pessimistic, negative, or criticizing
thoughts. If you cannot cut them out, they will do you harm. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On the road to salvation let questions arise but never
doubts. If something is wrong, God will give you clarity but never doubts.
Avoid rush and haste and uncontrolled words.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Divine light develops
in places of peace and quiet. Be aware of that as you enter places of worship. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Be not so much concerned about what you do, but what you do
with all your heart, might, and strength. In thoroughness is satisfaction. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You want to be good and do good, that is commendable, but
the greatest achievement that can be reached in our lives is to be under the
complete influence of the Holy Ghost then he will teach us what is really good
and necessary to do. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The pain of sacrifice last only on moment. It is the fear of
the pain of sacrifice that makes you hesitate to do it. Be grateful for every
opportunity to serve. It helps you more than those you serve.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And finally, when you are compelled to give up something or
when things that are dear to you are withdrawn from you, know this is your
lesson to be learned right now. But know also that as you are learning this
lesson God wants to give you something better. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thus, we prepare all the days of our lives, and, as we grow
death loses its sting, hell loses its power, and we look forward to that day
with anticipation of joy when He will come in his glory.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-60864377273998382152013-05-03T06:33:00.000-07:002013-07-16T21:30:07.186-07:00Dear Aidan<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifQN5pkBvgpmWgF4RzGJrz6YgbqYGvRpEqzpCRdCpQDHu3SuO0in7iZKbQu4MsX9RkFdVDqp9ZVXcnLXnvP_ckDOtMn-eNRNoiXMSYZYDjm0d3B02Y5JDx1Qbl9chk08yIR3hXjZbLyxqA/s1600/Aidan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifQN5pkBvgpmWgF4RzGJrz6YgbqYGvRpEqzpCRdCpQDHu3SuO0in7iZKbQu4MsX9RkFdVDqp9ZVXcnLXnvP_ckDOtMn-eNRNoiXMSYZYDjm0d3B02Y5JDx1Qbl9chk08yIR3hXjZbLyxqA/s320/Aidan.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
Dear Aidan,<br />
<br />
Within the next couple weeks, your life will be changed forever. Mine will, too. In a couple weeks, this "baby in mama's belly" will make her grand entrance and, I have to admit, I'm a bit worried about how it will affect you. There's so much unknown. I don't want you to feel forgotten or replaced. After all, you've been "my baby" your whole life the past 33 months.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvMqJFZ9KGEfQ773d4Up_yca2fo6EMGvVMNKELVhcXZVanGeGuUcJavwho0q2uF8kJKIy9htntWOXaUml8Ti_WA1WAsaW3B3Y_cnpreAEP05-BxoGHSLr1fd6PTwuq3qxw33MwBiQJ5Zzd/s1600/Aidan+020.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvMqJFZ9KGEfQ773d4Up_yca2fo6EMGvVMNKELVhcXZVanGeGuUcJavwho0q2uF8kJKIy9htntWOXaUml8Ti_WA1WAsaW3B3Y_cnpreAEP05-BxoGHSLr1fd6PTwuq3qxw33MwBiQJ5Zzd/s320/Aidan+020.jpg" width="320" /></a>I've been thinking a lot about when I went into labor with you. We were so excited and anxious to meet you! It seemed like almost everything that could go wrong after a perfectly healthy pregnancy, went wrong- emergency c-section and then you being in the NICU for almost 3 weeks while they tested for strep b, meiningitis, treated an infection, monitored your blood pressure, heart rate, we tried to teach you to eat etc. I remember panicking, but also feeling calm and knowing that everything would be okay. Your grandmother asked one of the nurses if you'd "be okay and develop as a healthy little boy despite all of the birthing complications" and I remember thinking that, of course you would. You were such a fighter- everything that was causing the doctors to worry would suddenly be gone the next time they checked. I think that was an example of your faith, too. You have been one energetic and healthy boy since then!<br />
<br />
I see you now and I wonder, "What will I do with a baby that cannot speak to me and tell me exactly what she wants?" You've learned to ask (and demand, at times) for exactly what you think you need- even if it is that you "<i>need </i>choc-co-let".<br />
<br />
I love that you are already so caring and kind. I was worried about being pregnant while also having such a rambunctious and energetic toddler. Toward the beginning of my pregnancy when I was so exhausted from working and the hormones and just feeling so sick all of the time, you were always there to comfort me and you would be calm.<br />
<br />
One particular day, I remember I was feeling extremely tired and had made multiple trips to the bathroom. You'd stand next to my legs while I was hunched over the toilet and spit into it next to me and then get me some toilet paper to wipe my mouth. You've always been great at providing a little comedic relief when it's needed! I came over to the couch and plopped myself down with my head hung over and you came and just hugged me. Other times, you'd go and get <i>your </i>blankie and "babies" and bring them to me and rub my hair and say, "It's okay, Mama. Daddy was often gone at night with school, but we somehow made it through those first almost 20 weeks of pregnancy together with you helping take care of me in the evening. I know it was tough to not have me playing cars with you on the ground or doing other activities that you enjoy many of those evenings.<br />
<br />
I'm grateful that you made me a mom. I know that I'm not always the best at being patient with you or having the most creative activities for you and I don't always take you outside when you want to go out and that you get frustrated with me. But I'm grateful for your overall patience with me as I try to figure out this parenting thing and balancing what I want with what you need and want.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWqGbVplrjAV7Sizm9h1V34WPIdBqbqkT4rm1hilCko_79IoTkDQZ5Q0FYBv2c3lbYhwdohb7_AAKMViGadCUhoiJvwYW0y66fTV7zd0yDlVudvYvLfRnUpI5jWByhX2cmrfxFzoTqufxo/s1600/AidanSnoakingFeetMar13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWqGbVplrjAV7Sizm9h1V34WPIdBqbqkT4rm1hilCko_79IoTkDQZ5Q0FYBv2c3lbYhwdohb7_AAKMViGadCUhoiJvwYW0y66fTV7zd0yDlVudvYvLfRnUpI5jWByhX2cmrfxFzoTqufxo/s320/AidanSnoakingFeetMar13.jpg" width="180" /></a>You are an absolutely amazing boy! You have such a great sense of humor and I love that you do silly things purposefully to make us laugh- whether it's making silly noises with your mouth or pretending like you're falling over or playing games of peek-a-boo or blowing raspberries on my belly. It's so funny to me when you pretend to not know what something is and then giggle and make it a guessing game.<br />
<br />
<br />
I love when you ramble on with stories that sometimes don't make the most coherent sense with such passion and expression. Your most recent one has been about a motorcycle crashing and getting "super big itty bitty owies". You sometimes tell stories where you are obviously trying to say some words, but it comes out as mush with a bunch of vowels and consonants strung together yet your expression is just so engaging and priceless. You laugh and giggle and your eyes get so wide. You are such a great story-teller already!<br />
<br />
I love when you start to say and do things that Daddy and I say to you. Sometimes, it helps me realize how ridiculous I must sound to you. Other times, it's a reminder that we must be doing something right. Like, today, you put a piece of tape on my arm insisting it was a bandaid covering an owie and then lightly patted my arm and said "It's okay, Mama. It won't hurt. I kiss it better." and then kissed my arm.<br />
<br />
I love that you are able to be so tough and roar and jump and climb and throw and then be soft and cuddly at other times. I love that every night you still insist that <i>I</i> be the one to put you to bed and you ask to "cuddle me". I know that I won't always have such a willing boy to cuddle with me in a rocking chair or on his bed when you get older, but I still hope you will cuddle up to me on the couch as you get older.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLI2K8vmxYxEFRVfwpzIOCJ5KR-frqEPyEBH0A0C3kW-kMdHotp2h0AUXAcq9jy19x337tv-YF8WIW4fJSHx4Vvf3hv5hVLVhq5XRQojpV5o90IzIu_KaBX1aAqDkIBEKPmoYJ9HLYti4n/s1600/AidanDaddyWrestlingJan13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLI2K8vmxYxEFRVfwpzIOCJ5KR-frqEPyEBH0A0C3kW-kMdHotp2h0AUXAcq9jy19x337tv-YF8WIW4fJSHx4Vvf3hv5hVLVhq5XRQojpV5o90IzIu_KaBX1aAqDkIBEKPmoYJ9HLYti4n/s320/AidanDaddyWrestlingJan13.jpg" width="320" /></a>I love watching your relationship with Daddy flourish. He cares about you so much. I want you to know that not many Daddys would willingly stay home all day with you like he has for the past year while I've been working and then still be interested in spending time with you during the evening and weekends. He always does fun activities with you, too. It's amazing to hear the way he speaks about you. When we were talking about having another baby I remember he said something about how "knowing how much he loves and cares about you just makes him so much more excited to have that with another child." I hope you always continue to appreciate and love your dad and all that he does for you. It's so fun to hear you talk about "going on rides in the jeep with Dad" and "going up on the mountain with Dad". I'm always a bit jealous when he sends me pictures of you two on your adventures.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgydLC4tdJS8HQ7wHMr5ZlY6YDfTD4DjfFbELufRF31YE271QoiOiDlCS4o1DD7M2cp_SHyf69Hg5s2ID2HGu2wzCPiZGlri9o6-GczC1VKMBKr2tsa_5AEI6TAYkuXUxZEYTqkmdTogV-s/s1600/AidanChurchTalkMar13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgydLC4tdJS8HQ7wHMr5ZlY6YDfTD4DjfFbELufRF31YE271QoiOiDlCS4o1DD7M2cp_SHyf69Hg5s2ID2HGu2wzCPiZGlri9o6-GczC1VKMBKr2tsa_5AEI6TAYkuXUxZEYTqkmdTogV-s/s320/AidanChurchTalkMar13.jpg" width="180" /></a>I love your excitement for church and praying. I'm sure you don't understand a lot of it, yet. But I always love when you're saying your nightly prayers and you'll look up at me and ask if you can pray for something. Your first non-prompted prayer, you prayed for Buzz Lightyear. Now, you'll pray for things like "daddy feel better" "Avalon to sleep" "Go play with doggie" "Go to nursery" and other things on your own. I love these little examples of how your mind is working and what you're aware of.<br />
<br />
I'm amazed at the boy you are growing into. I can only imagine the great things you will be able to accomplish in your life. I hope that I can be a good example to you and give you all of the things that you need to thrive, excel and grow. I hope that you will continue to be curious about the world around you and continue asking questions and I really hope that I will know how to answer your questions, but if I don't, I bet Daddy will know and we'll go ask him.<br />
<br />
I hope that you will continue to find the balance between being tough and being "soft". The world and culture around you will just want you to be tough all of the time as you get older, but don't get caught in that lie- you only really get to know other people when they are being vulnerable and those are the friendships worth keeping. It's okay to be sensitive and caring.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_M_Uh4Kt5WELjSnrMMXQHoXNbitNnSwPA8n5lw33dnaL2_1anae_cZxIwPt97EP4yV5jcOQ4R6tb-QhQbg57iwVnTlRYwiwy9Mfj3MOMBOJrN0cyCWHzT3jicroXJkNH-j6LW9ZgKU4PV/s1600/35+Weeks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_M_Uh4Kt5WELjSnrMMXQHoXNbitNnSwPA8n5lw33dnaL2_1anae_cZxIwPt97EP4yV5jcOQ4R6tb-QhQbg57iwVnTlRYwiwy9Mfj3MOMBOJrN0cyCWHzT3jicroXJkNH-j6LW9ZgKU4PV/s320/35+Weeks.jpg" width="180" /></a>I love how you will talk to Avalon through my belly button and lay your head on my belly (which as you said today "the baby is getting <i>so </i>tall and big!") and just "cuddle and listen to Avalon". Today, when she gave you a little kick while your head was lying there, you just laughed it off.<br />
<br />
I know that you will be an amazing older brother. I'm sure you'll be very protective of her. I hope that you and Avalon will be close and that you two will always look out for each other. I hope that you can teach her and be a good example to her.<br />
<br />
I hope that you will always know that I love you and know that you have brought so much love, joy and excitement into my life. I hope that over these next few months when I am sleep deprived and trying to re-learn how to take care of a newborn that you will be patient with me and also remind me that I need to spend alone time with you, too.<br />
<br />
I'm so excited for you to be a big brother! I hope that you know how much I only want the best for you and that you know that I absolutely, unconditionally love you (even when you are smearing poop all over the carpet and door). Thanks for being my baby boy.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
MommyLaurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-34800655986701211362013-03-10T11:05:00.000-07:002013-03-10T11:05:10.083-07:00Can Ye Feel So Now?<div style="text-align: center;">
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Excerpts from <i><a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/can-ye-feel-so-now?lang=eng">Can Ye Fell So Now?</a></i>- Elder Quentin L. Cook, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles</div>
<br />
...This question, “Can ye feel so now?” rings across the centuries. With all that we have received in this dispensation—including the Restoration of the fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the outpouring of spiritual gifts, and the indisputable blessings of heaven—Alma’s challenge has never been more important.<br />
<br />
<b>It is not surprising that some in the Church believe they can’t answer Alma’s question with a resounding yes. They do not “feel so now.”</b> They feel they are in a spiritual drought. Others are angry, hurt, or disillusioned. If these descriptions apply to you,<b> it is important to evaluate why you cannot “feel so now</b>.<br />
<br />
<b>Many who are in a spiritual drought and lack commitment have not necessarily been involved in major sins or transgressions, but they have made unwise choices</b>. Some are casual in their observance of sacred covenants. Others spend most of their time giving first-class devotion to lesser causes. Some allow intense cultural or political views to weaken their allegiance to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Some have immersed themselves in Internet materials that magnify, exaggerate, and, in some cases, invent shortcomings of early Church leaders. Then they draw incorrect conclusions that can affect testimony. Any who have made these choices can repent and be spiritually renewed.<br />
<br />
<b>Immersion in the scriptures is essential for spiritual nourishment.</b> The word of God inspires commitment and acts as a healing balm for hurt feelings, anger, or disillusionment. <b>When our commitment is diminished for any reason, part of the solution is repentance</b>. Commitment and repentance are closely intertwined."<br />
<br />
C.S. Lewis asserted that Christianity tells people to repent and promises them forgiveness; but until people know and feel they need forgiveness, Christianity does not speak to them. He stated, <b>“When you know you are sick, you will listen to the doctor.”</b><br />
<br />
<b>How we treat those closest to us is of fundamental importance</b>. Violence, abuse, lack of civility, and disrespect in the home are not acceptable—not acceptable for adults and not acceptable for the rising generation. My father was not active in the Church but was a remarkably good example, especially in his treatment of my mother. He used to say, “God will hold men responsible for every tear they cause their wives to shed.”<br />
<br />
Sexual immorality and impure thoughts violate the standard established by the Savior. We were warned at the beginning of this dispensation that sexual immorality would be perhaps the greatest challenge. Such conduct will, without repentance, cause a spiritual drought and loss of commitment. Movies, TV, and the Internet often convey degrading messages and images.<br />
<br />
I recently had an insightful conversation with a 15-year-old Aaronic Priesthood holder. He helped me understand how easy it is in this Internet age for young people to almost inadvertently be exposed to impure and even pornographic images. He pointed out that for most principles the Church teaches, there is at least some recognition in society at large that violating these principles can have devastating effects on health and well-being. He mentioned cigarette smoking, drug use, and alcohol consumption by young people. But he noted that there is no corresponding outcry or even a significant warning from society at large about pornography or immorality.<br />
<br />
My dear brothers and sisters, this young man’s analysis is correct. What is the answer? For years, prophets and apostles have taught the importance of religious observance in the home.<br />
<br />
<b>Parents, the days are long past when regular, active participation in Church meetings and programs, though essential, can fulfill your sacred responsibility to teach your children to live moral, righteous lives and walk uprightly before the Lord.</b> It is essential that this be faithfully accomplished in homes which are places of refuge where kindness, forgiveness, truth, and righteousness prevail. <b>Parents must have the courage to filter or monitor Internet access, television, movies, and music. Parents must have the courage to say no, defend truth, and bear powerful testimony</b>. Your children need to know that you have faith in the Savior, love your Heavenly Father, and sustain the leaders of the Church. Spiritual maturity must flourish in our homes. My hope is that no one will leave this conference without understanding that the moral issues of our day must be addressed in the family.<br />
<br />
I want to assure you, as Alma taught, that <b>through repentance you can qualify for all the blessings of heaven. That is what the Savior’s Atonement is all about.</b><br />
<br />
For any whose lives are not in order, remember,<b> it is never too late</b> to make the Savior’s Atonement the foundation of our faith and lives.<br />
<br />
In the words of Isaiah, “Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”<br />
<br />
My sincere prayer is that each of us will take any necessary action to feel the Spirit now so we can sing the song of redeeming love with all our hearts.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-35704423648886438222013-03-02T08:40:00.001-08:002013-07-16T21:31:46.618-07:00Yes, My Husband is Full-Time Dad Right Now<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Aaron has been a full-time stay at home dad since the end of December while trying to figure out his next step in school and career. I have no idea what it's really like for him and he insists, "I don't care what other people think." But you'd be surprised the kind of comments<i> I</i> get about him staying home with Aidan. I don't think he's had very many comments directly, but I know he's aware of others' looks and possible perceptions about him.<br />
<br />
In the past 3 weeks, I have had some stunning comments when talking to people. The conversation usually goes something like this:<br />
<br />
"What do you do?"<br />
"I work full-time as a therapist treating women and girls with eating disorders during the day. I'm also trying to finish a PhD in Marriage & Family Therapy."<br />
"And what's your husband doing?"<br />
"Right now, he's at home with our son full-time trying to figure out the next plan for school and work."<br />
<br />
And that's when the comments get interesting to me.<br />
<br />
"Wait,<i> he's</i> not working and you are?... and you're 7 months pregnant?"<br />
"He's not in school <i>or </i>working?! He needs to be pulling some of the weight- don't you think?"<br />
"Well, that doesn't seem fair."<br />
"Um.... oh...... cool....."<br />
<br />
I usually respond with something diplomatic like,<br />
"Yes, our son is so lucky to have this opportunity with him. Many kids don't get this much time with their dad. They have an awesome bond. And I'm lucky to have a job I love."<br />
"This is what works best for our family right now. It was getting a bit crazy with us both working part-time and doing school full-time and neither having benefits. This was a great fit for us right now."<br />
"I don't expect this to be permanent nor do either one of us want it to be. I <i>know </i>Aaron would rather be working, but right now we're still working together on getting there."<br />
"Yeah, isn't it great that we were blessed with this full-time job opportunity and that I've been able to receive a good education to help me get this job? Many couples are just working crazily with scheduling and neither get much time with their kids while they're in this stage of life and in school."<br />
<br />
I don't think any of those previous comments would be said to a father who said his wife was a stay at home mom. Okay, maybe some people, but it wouldn't be as socially acceptable- right? You'd never say a SAHM wasn't pulling her weight without some repercussion.<br />
<br />
In searching for experiences from other LDS SAHDs I came across <a href="https://www.sunstonemagazine.com/staying-at-home-in-a-daddly-fashion/">this and enjoyed reading a first-hand experience</a> from a dad that worked through a lot of the social stigma.<br />
<br />
Aaron tells me about how he takes Aidan to the zoo or other places and many women look at him like "Please, don't steal my child". A child ran away from his mother the other day at the zoo and came near Aaron and his mother quickly chided him and insisted he get away and come back while flashing Aaron a panicked glance.<br />
<br />
Or how if he's at a playground, people look at him like he's crazy for being there playing with his child.<br />
<br />
Aaron doesn't get to just go hang out with other stay at home parents during play group. It's just not socially acceptable.<br />
<br />
He can't just go knock doors around the neighborhood of other stay at home parents when he's feeling overwhelmed and find somebody to hang out and talk to while the kids play together.<br />
<br />
I believe his job staying at home is actually much more difficult than it would be if it were me. There is such a support network readily available to moms- especially in the church around here.<br />
<br />
It's just so interesting to me that there are still such firm stereotypes against men that they must be fulfilling their duty to provide for their family to "be a man". I think this is going to be a lot harder to break than women being in the workforce. Men probably do get a lot more judgement than a woman breaking from her traditional role as a full-time SAHM if they go against their traditional role as provider. Maybe men just don't whine about it as much as people like I do and that's why it's not getting as much attention? Think about how <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/on-leadership/the-daddy-dilemma-why-men-face-a-flexibility-stigma-at-work/2013/02/11/58350f4e-7462-11e2-aa12-e6cf1d31106b_story.html?fb_action_ids=10100802681087639&fb_action_types=og.recommends&fb_ref=sm_btn_fb&fb_source=timeline_og&action_object_map=%7B%2210100802681087639%22%3A335682563208994%7D&action_type_map=%7B%2210100802681087639%22%3A%22og.recommends%22%7D&action_ref_map=%7B%2210100802681087639%22%3A%22sm_btn_fb%22%7D">hard it typically is for a man to get time off work</a> for a sick child or something else.<br />
<br />
I guess the bottom line is, I'm grateful that Aaron is such a good dad and doesn't seem to care what other people think. I want to acknowledge how difficult it is for him and I think he deserves a lot more credit than people give him (and even what I give him at times) and other stay at home dads or even just fathers involved in their children's lives. Parenting isn't easy. Every child deserves a good father and mother actively involved in their life.<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="dominant" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #39362d; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-transform: uppercase; vertical-align: baseline;"><b>"HUSBAND AND WIFE</b></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #39362d; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22px;"><b> have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children</b>. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (</span><a class="scriptureRef" href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/ps/127.3?lang=eng#2" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #8aa7a8; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Psalm 127:3</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #39362d; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22px;">). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations...</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #39362d; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #39362d; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22px;">By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, <b>fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners</b>. Disability, death, or <b>other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation</b>..." (<a href="https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation">here</a>)</span>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-62342348202738873492013-02-14T17:51:00.001-08:002013-02-14T17:51:06.893-08:00FLASH SALE: The Ultimate Date Night Book<br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #303030; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14.545454025268555px; line-height: 18.18181800842285px; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?cl=191363&c=ib&aff=194932"><b style="color: #ff5fac; text-decoration: initial;">The Dating Divas</b><span style="color: #ff5fac;"> created this awesome book and will be having a FLASH SALE on Valentine's Day until Midnight MDT! It is only $18.50!</span> </a></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #303030; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14.545454025268555px; line-height: 18.18181800842285px; text-align: center;">
This book has over a year's worth of date ideas and free printables. You receive a digital copy as soon as you pay.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #303030; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14.545454025268555px; line-height: 18.18181800842285px; text-align: center;">
Use code <b style="background-color: #f7f7f7; color: #666666; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16px;"><span style="color: #fa0d05;">VALENTINE</span></b></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="background-color: white; color: #303030; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14.545454025268555px; line-height: 18.18181800842285px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding: 4px; position: relative; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><span style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/%3Ca%20href=%22https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?cl=191363&c=ib&aff=194932%22%20target=%22ejejcsingle%22%3EClick%20here%20to%20visit%20The%20Dating%20Divas.%3C/a%3E" style="color: #ff5fac; text-decoration: initial;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjumh1YCYjnyoOPcXQIxOcncK_kpPOkInAaVVTCC4Uab8R6RFc77MbLzcYQtt4vAqhtcFuFt7oS08hlOi4AnHSi_hEnyWzAR2ZvFtuCoJwx1IJsDZ6R7I1kV9pahETrAbQrOfGcoJ394tE/s1600/V-Day+Flash+Sale.jpg" style="border: none; position: relative;" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 11.818181991577148px;">ONLY $18.50!!!<br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-17488709216285655912013-02-14T17:48:00.003-08:002013-02-14T17:48:19.868-08:00FLASH SALE: The Ultimate Date Night Book<br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #303030; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14.545454025268555px; line-height: 18.18181800842285px; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?cl=191363&c=ib&aff=194932"><b style="color: #ff5fac; text-decoration: initial;">The Dating Divas</b><span style="color: #ff5fac;"> created this awesome book and will be having a FLASH SALE on Valentine's Day until Midnight MDT! It is only $18.50!</span> </a></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #303030; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14.545454025268555px; line-height: 18.18181800842285px; text-align: center;">
This book has over a year's worth of date ideas and free printables. You receive a digital copy as soon as you pay.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #303030; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14.545454025268555px; line-height: 18.18181800842285px; text-align: center;">
Use code <b style="background-color: #f7f7f7; color: #666666; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16px;"><span style="color: #fa0d05;">VALENTINE</span></b></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="background-color: white; color: #303030; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14.545454025268555px; line-height: 18.18181800842285px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding: 4px; position: relative; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><span style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/%3Ca%20href=%22https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?cl=191363&c=ib&aff=194932%22%20target=%22ejejcsingle%22%3EClick%20here%20to%20visit%20The%20Dating%20Divas.%3C/a%3E" style="color: #ff5fac; text-decoration: initial;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjumh1YCYjnyoOPcXQIxOcncK_kpPOkInAaVVTCC4Uab8R6RFc77MbLzcYQtt4vAqhtcFuFt7oS08hlOi4AnHSi_hEnyWzAR2ZvFtuCoJwx1IJsDZ6R7I1kV9pahETrAbQrOfGcoJ394tE/s1600/V-Day+Flash+Sale.jpg" style="border: none; position: relative;" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 11.818181991577148px;">ONLY $18.50!!!<br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-46805868899530296452013-02-09T20:10:00.001-08:002013-02-09T20:10:25.554-08:00Easy Money From Home: SWAGBUCKS<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px;">I'm sure most of you have heard about </span></span><a href="http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/LaLaRed1" style="color: #336699; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px; text-decoration: none;">Swagbucks</a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px;">. I'd been hearing about it for a while, but finally tried it this past week. Just by </span></span><b style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px;">searching the internet</b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px;">, </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px;">doing a daily poll, and going through No Obligation Offers</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px;"> enough to </span></span><b style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px;">earn a $5 Amazon gift card (450SB) and then some every month.</b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px;"> They have a bunch of different prizes. You can look over them in the </span></span><a href="http://swagbucks.com/?cmd=sb-home" style="color: #336699; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px; text-decoration: none;">swag store</a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px;"> and see if anything appeals to you.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px;">I don't search for much on the internet. Some baby growth and development stuff, research, sports scores etc. and I still managed to earn plenty. They have a </span></span><b style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px;">search toolbar you can download</b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px;"> so it's directly on your browser. I have the drop down search menu so I can easily still switch over to Google for most of my real research.</span></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwKmQgcCOg9YTlF6mH_FPSPQtbpY3TQ0tvT-g_EvLH5c80cEZWA4rJIF714Lopfqajc6IqFx7aMkcPJ9pNIJ1ZQDHyL2umjN8gohS-G4uRD_Bij6-ahxMKgB8NhwQRPbaEeMljN-ghuA-E/s1600/sb.png" style="color: #336699; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px; text-decoration: none;"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5529098801888453634" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwKmQgcCOg9YTlF6mH_FPSPQtbpY3TQ0tvT-g_EvLH5c80cEZWA4rJIF714Lopfqajc6IqFx7aMkcPJ9pNIJ1ZQDHyL2umjN8gohS-G4uRD_Bij6-ahxMKgB8NhwQRPbaEeMljN-ghuA-E/s400/sb.png" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 90px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0px; position: relative; text-align: center; width: 400px;" /></a><u style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px;">Some ways to earn swagbucks:</u></span><br />
<ul style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.4; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0.5em; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 2.5em; padding-right: 2.5em; padding-top: 0px;">
<li style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: initial; border-width: initial; margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-indent: 0px;"><a href="http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/LaLaRed1" style="color: #336699; text-decoration: none;">Sign up</a>=30SB</li>
<li style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-color: rgba(128, 128, 128, 0.496094); border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-indent: 0px;"><a href="http://www.swagbucks.com/p/polls">Daily Poll</a>=2SB/Day</li>
<li style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-color: rgba(128, 128, 128, 0.496094); border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-indent: 0px;"><a href="http://www.swagbucks.com/g/noso">No Obligation Offers</a> (You literally<u> <i>hit skip, skip, skip</i> and don't sign up or give any info)</u>=2SB/Day</li>
<li style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-color: rgba(128, 128, 128, 0.496094); border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-indent: 0px;"><a href="http://swagbucks.com/?cmd=sb-plugins" style="color: #336699; text-decoration: none;">T</a><a href="http://swagbucks.com/?cmd=sb-plugins" style="color: #336699; text-decoration: none;">oolbar</a>=2SB/day when you open your browser</li>
<li style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-color: rgba(128, 128, 128, 0.496094); border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-indent: 0px;">Profile= 70+SB</li>
<li style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-color: rgba(128, 128, 128, 0.496094); border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-indent: 0px;">Using <a href="http://www.swagbucks.com/p/coupons">Coupons </a>printed through their site</li>
<li style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-color: rgba(128, 128, 128, 0.496094); border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-indent: 0px;"><a href="http://www.swagbucks.com/g/trusted-surveys">Surveys </a>(Different ones every day)= I've seen anywhere from 10-50SB/Survey</li>
<li style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-color: rgba(128, 128, 128, 0.496094); border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-indent: 0px;"><a href="http://www.swagbucks.com/?sfp=h&t=w&p=1&q=">Searching </a>(doesn't matter what you search for)= Awarded randomly. 5-100SB. Fridays typically award larger amounts.</li>
<li style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-color: rgba(128, 128, 128, 0.496094); border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-indent: 0px;">Swagcodes: You can check on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/swagbucks">facebook</a>, <a href="http://twitter.com/#!/swagbucks">twitter </a>or the <a href="http://swidgetwatch.blogspot.com/">swidget </a>(I have one down on the right)</li>
<li style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-color: rgba(128, 128, 128, 0.496094); border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-indent: 0px;">Referrals= Whatever your referrals earn in their Open Searches you also get.</li>
<li style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-color: rgba(128, 128, 128, 0.496094); border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-indent: 0px;">Buy <a href="http://www.swagbucks.com/p/daily-deals">Daily Deals</a> (eversave, homerun etc) through swagbucks and get the deal PLUS swagbucks.</li>
<li style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-color: rgba(128, 128, 128, 0.496094); border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-indent: 0px;"><a href="http://www.swagbucks.com/?cmd=sb-tips" style="color: #336699; text-decoration: none;">More Tips Here</a></li>
</ul>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px;">This is my referral link- </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px;"><a href="http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/LaLaRed1" style="color: #336699; text-decoration: none;">http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/LaLaRed1</a></span><br />
<br />
My friend has a <a href="http://megmagic.blogspot.com/2011/10/swagbucks-tutorial.html">very thorough description of Swagbucks on her blog.</a>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-68506387716155399012013-02-04T20:19:00.001-08:002013-02-04T20:19:18.852-08:00Anne Hathaway: "I Needed to Look Like I was Dying" for Les Mis<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8ZlBOHtZMHNKc-pP5LQbd1MVfIRZUBR4TEuQNd7dNwP9YLjCzYIanXu2XBQte7yrazyJ4iCl-NcVq-fLgHXbQUwVsJYmdTu2x1Rd4LvzofckXF4Gr2_Z7IAxVqIbQEWExSehbiL20X9gG/s1600/MISERABLES-articleLarge-v3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8ZlBOHtZMHNKc-pP5LQbd1MVfIRZUBR4TEuQNd7dNwP9YLjCzYIanXu2XBQte7yrazyJ4iCl-NcVq-fLgHXbQUwVsJYmdTu2x1Rd4LvzofckXF4Gr2_Z7IAxVqIbQEWExSehbiL20X9gG/s320/MISERABLES-articleLarge-v3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm grateful to see a story where an actress and actor are honest about their weight loss for a film (A film I have yet to actually see...)! They both talk about how it was miserable and unhealthy to lose weight the way they did and do not encourage it for others. I'm happy to see they are both looking healthy and happy after filming as well.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Check out Hugh Jackman & Anne Hathaway as they discuss preparing for their roles.</span><br />
<a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/20981459"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/20981459</span></a><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; clear: left; color: #464646; margin-bottom: 0.708em; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"I was an actor and I had to do a role and I find it kinda weird the way the media can glamorise this sort of thing.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; clear: left; color: #464646; margin-bottom: 0.708em; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"I didn't lose the weight to look attractive," added the Oscar and Bafta nominated star.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; clear: left; color: #464646; margin-bottom: 0.708em; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"<b>I needed to look like I was dying</b> and I worry that all that attention adds up to an unhealthy way."</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; clear: left; color: #464646; margin-bottom: 0.708em; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">There have been widely varying rumours as to how little Hathaway ate to portray the tragic character of Fantine. B</span><span style="line-height: 18px;">ut when asked to clear those up, she said: </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; clear: left; color: #464646; margin-bottom: 0.708em; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">"You know I appreciate the question, I don't want to answer it because I think that <b>I was on a starvation diet to look like I was near death in a film and I don't want anyone to feel like,'Oh I just want to drop like a couple of pounds.'</b></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqfZrQkhThWRYFuklZ1yBdoj4xH9w_k2DR3XYHbgiA7kEhd6-dbVoAs6GrQtuzDZcm8683tjo9GatTdWACe1rLj0bIbKhso97YJKNXB_DvCQEOjRaOjUlNFwns37HHWi6QFl9DpETU9Naw/s1600/anne-hathaway-hugh-jackman-dec9-M.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqfZrQkhThWRYFuklZ1yBdoj4xH9w_k2DR3XYHbgiA7kEhd6-dbVoAs6GrQtuzDZcm8683tjo9GatTdWACe1rLj0bIbKhso97YJKNXB_DvCQEOjRaOjUlNFwns37HHWi6QFl9DpETU9Naw/s320/anne-hathaway-hugh-jackman-dec9-M.jpg" width="249" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
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Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-35955918224229235212013-01-29T19:00:00.000-08:002013-02-09T20:15:11.642-08:00The Position of the Church on Prioritizing Womanhood: Education and/or Motherhood?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img alt="29479_740552664539_7524387_n.jpg (481×719)" height="320" src="https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/29479_740552664539_7524387_n.jpg" width="214" /></div>
I wrote this paper for a Religion Class (REL 333) at BYU with Br. Newell during my undergrad in 2007 and just stumbled upon it while organizing some files. I was extremely, extremely conflicted about pursuing a graduate degree and when to start our family and chose to make that the topic of this paper and researched some church guidelines.<br />
<br />
Hope this might help some other women who are having the same wonderings.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>The Position of the Church on Prioritizing Womanhood: Education and/or Motherhood?</b></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
Conclusion<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
The church’s
position regarding the decision to continue an education or begin parenthood is
between the couple and the Lord as stated in the attached research. It is not
directly stated that one should always come before the other or whether
motherhood and education should occur tangentially. However, a main responsibility
and privilege of couples is to bring children into this world as stated in The
Family: A Proclamation to the World:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span class="featurestext">The family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal
destiny of His children…. [and] God's commandment for His children to multiply
and replenish the earth remains in force.</span> (Faust, J.E., <st1:place w:st="on">Hinckley</st1:place>, G.B., Monson, T.S., 2005)<span class="featurestext"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span class="featurestext">The
commandment to “multiply and replenish the earth” was the first commandment
given to Adam and Eve anteceding the Fall (See Genesis 1:28 & Moses 2:28). This
first commandment is still as much of a commandment as it was in the beginning.
It should remain on all couples’ minds as they prayerfully ponder when to begin
bringing children into this world. It is also important to note that the spirit
doesn’t always move us with a voice of thunder and lightening.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<i>True to the Faith</i>, a book which
describes positions of the church on various gospel principles, elaborates on
the church’s position regarding when and how many children a couple should
have.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: .5in;">
If you are
married, you and your spouse should discuss your sacred responsibility to bring
children into the world and nurture them in righteousness. As you do so
consider the sanctity and meaning of life. Ponder the joy that comes when
children are in the home. Consider the eternal blessings that come from having
a good posterity. With a testimony of these principles, you and your spouse
will be prepared to prayerfully decide how many children to have and <i>when</i> to have them. Such decisions are <i>between the two of you and the Lord</i>. (Faust,
J.E., <st1:place w:st="on">Hinckley</st1:place>, G.B., Monson, T.S., 2004; Emphasis
added)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span class="featurestext">There is
no specific time frame that a couple must have children. Some couples may not
have children for many years while others become pregnant quickly after
marriage. We are not to judge each other in this matter. We may look to the
brethren that guide our church as examples; some of the apostles have as many
as ten children while others have two, some began their families almost
immediately while others did not. These are very private and sacred matters
that should be left between the couple and the Lord.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span class="featurestext"> All of God’s children are different
and may be directed down different paths. God will not lead us astray. It is
best that we heed the promptings of the spirit as directed and counsel with the
Lord and our spouse regarding when to have children. In 1987, President Ezra
Taft Benson counseled couples at a fireside:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: .5in;">
Young mothers and fathers, with all my heart I counsel you
not to postpone having your children, being co-creators with Father in Heaven.
Do not use the reasoning of the world, such as, ‘We’ll wait until we can better
afford having children, until we are more secure, until John has completed his
education, until he has a better paying job, until we have a larger home, until
we’ve obtained a few of the material conveniences’ and on and on. Mothers who
enjoy good health, have you children and have them early. (Benson, E.T.,
1987)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
While
this counsel was stated over 20 years ago, it has not been refuted by any of
the following prophets. Couples are not to put materialistic wants above the commandments
of God. This is not to say that couples should not prepare wisely financially,
emotionally, and physically for children. However, couples should remain
cautious and prayerful as they consider their priorities- what is truly needed
and what is simply regarded as a “material convenience”?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Years before this statement by President Benson, President
Kimball counseled:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: .5in;">
After marriage
young wives should be occupied in bearing and rearing children. I know of no
scriptures or authorities which authorize young wives to delay their families
or to go to work to put their husbands through college. Young married couples
can make their way and reach their educational heights, if they are determined.
(Kimball, S.W., 1976) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
Couples should not delay beginning their
family for selfish reasons. Through faith and works couples may come to realize
and obtain their educational goals (See James 2:24). It may not be immediately
and it may not even be in this life, but the education gained from having an
eternal family is endless. President James E. Faust has also counseled that
“[We] need not try to sing all of the verses of [our] song at the same time”
(Faust, J.E., 1986). There is order to all that needs to be done.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span class="featurestext"> President Gordon B. Hinckley has
counseled members of the church to obtain as much education and knowledge as
possible. “</span>It is the obligation of every woman of this Church to get all
the <span class="highlight">education</span> she can. It will enlarge her life
and increase her opportunities. It will provide her with marketable skills in
case she needs them” (<st1:place w:st="on">Hinckley</st1:place>, G.B., 2006). President Hinckley is constantly reminding us to be
prepared for our future. Notice that he states “<i>in case</i> she needs them”. President Hinckley in no way is instructing
women to work hard with education and a full-time career as the goal- although there
are situations that merit this circumstance. It is important to realize that
education does not only mean knowledge gained in a university, college or
classroom setting- knowledge may be gained through an assortment of ways.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
President Howard W. Hunter also stated that “Motherhood is
near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind” <span class="featurestext">The purpose of our existence on this earth is to become exalted
as gods and goddesses in the next life. Should we not strive here and now to
become as near to divinity as possible? Many factors affect a couples’ life as
they contemplate when to begin bearing and raising children, but the most
important component of the decision is being led prayerfully by the Holy Ghost.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span class="featurestext"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span class="featurestext">Personal Insights<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span class="featurestext"> As a child, I was always blessed to
have a full-time mother while my father worked outside the home. My mother was
always home upon my arrival from school and work. My father often traveled, but
was home occasionally and always helped fulfill household responsibilities.
About four years ago, my father was in a car accident which left him
permanently disabled. He has since been unable to do many things that he
enjoyed previously including sports and more importantly has not been able to
maintain a career.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span class="featurestext"> My mother and father had been
married about 23 years at the time of his accident and the youngest child, my
sister, was only 8 years old. As stated in The Family: A Proclamation to the
World,</span> “d<span class="featurestext">isability… may necessitate individual
adaptation” which is precisely what occurred in my family (Faust, J.E.,
Hinckley, G.B. & Monson, T.S 1995). We hoped for a few months that my
father would recover quickly and be able to return to at least part-time work
and continue providing for our family. However, even to this day he is still
not able to work. My mother had obtained a bachelor’s degree in Spanish with a
minor in French and had also worked as a teacher during the first few years of
my parents’ married life. My mom began looking for a job as soon as we realized
that their retirement money and life savings were dwindling quite rapidly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span class="featurestext"> Due in large part to my mom’s degree
and past experience she was able to attain a job that she enjoys- working as an
office assistant for LDS Facilities Management. It has been a huge blessing to
us that my mom was able to get a job that she enjoys and that provides the
necessary income for the family to survive. My mother’s job probably barely
brings in a fourth as much as my father’s job did in the past and they can only
make ends meet because my father has private disability insurance which only
lasts a few more years. They hope to pay off debt that was incurred in a
business fraud just before his accident. After the disability income runs out,
hopefully my father will have Social Security disability approved. However, for
the time being, my family is able to live well and be self-sufficient and even
still have time for the occasional vacation<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span class="featurestext"> With the constant rise of education
and knowledge available I realize that my mother was probably lucky to obtain
the job she currently possesses- especially as a woman who hadn’t worked in 20
years with only a bachelor’s degree. I realize that opportunities like this are
not very common, but I also realize the importance of faith that must be
exhibited and maybe that’s where I struggle the most. Occasionally I find
myself thinking that I am now obligated to get as much education as possible as
quickly as possible just to be “safe”. Sometimes I think to myself that
“something bad <i>will</i> happen. I just
don’t know what.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span class="featurestext"> I will graduate next year with a
Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology at the age of 20. By the time of my graduation,
my husband and I will have been married for almost two years. My husband will
still have at least 2 years left of his undergraduate degree and then he plans
to obtain both an MBA/JD. I had always planned to obtain a Master’s Degree as a
child and teenager, but I never really expected to be married this young or
even at all during my undergraduate education.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span class="featurestext"> While discussing with my husband
President Hinckley’s counsel to obtain all the education we can he pointed out
that education doesn’t necessarily mean attending a university or college.
Education includes the knowledge we gain from reading and participating in
various activities and learning new skills. We have been told, </span>“The
glory of God is intelligence, or, in other words, light and truth (D&C
93:36).” Many, if not all things, are learned through the spirit and it is this
knowledge that we take with us into the next life. <span style="color: #ff6600;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
Children
are to be raised in an atmosphere of peace, love and joy- an atmosphere of the
gospel- surrounded by those that love and care for them. In order for children
to be raised in this kind of atmosphere it is essential that both parents agree
and set standards for their home. Families must participate regularly in family
home evening, prayer and scripture study starting from the first day of marriage
to establish good habits. I strongly believe that a couples’ relationship must
be firm (but obviously not perfect) before bringing children into the home. I
have witnessed the sorrow and grief that occurs when couples believe that a
child will make things better and easier. It is upon a firm foundation as a
husband and wife that children are to be raised.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
While
I have not necessarily reached a conclusion for myself as to what I will do about
graduate school next year, I will continue to trust the Lord and rely upon him
for guidance. He knows my situation better than anyone- including myself. <o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br clear="all" style="page-break-before: always;" />
</span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
References<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;">
Benson,
E.T. (1987, February). To the Mothers in <st1:city w:st="on">Zion</st1:city>.
Retrieved May 18, 2007, from <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:placename w:st="on">Brigham</st1:placename>
<st1:placename w:st="on">Young</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st="on">University</st1:placetype></st1:place>:
Faculty Center for Teaching and Learning: <a href="http://fc.byu.edu/jpages/ee/w_etb87.htm"><span style="color: windowtext;">http://fc.byu.edu/jpages/ee/w_etb87.htm</span></a>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;">
<st1:place w:st="on">Clark</st1:place>, J.R. (1965-75). <em>Messages of the First
Presidency,</em> 6 vols., <st1:city w:st="on">Salt Lake
City</st1:city>: Bookcraft, 6:178. Retrieved May 16, 2007, from The
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: <a href="http://lds.org/portal/site/LDSOrg/menuitem.b12f9d18fae655bb69095bd3e44916a0/?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=bacd3ff73058b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1">http://lds.org/portal/site/LDSOrg/menuitem.b12f9d18fae655bb69095bd3e44916a0/?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=bacd3ff73058b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;">
Faust,
J.E. (1986). A Message to My Granddaughters: Becoming Great Women. Ensign, 16.
Retrieved May 12, 2007 from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: <a href="http://lds.org/portal/site/LDSOrg/menuitem.b12f9d18fae655bb69095bd3e44916a0/?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=3e23ef960417b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1"><span style="color: windowtext;">http://lds.org/portal/site/LDSOrg/menuitem.b12f9d18fae655bb69095bd3e44916a0/?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=3e23ef960417b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1</span></a>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;">
““[We] need not try to sing all of
the verses of [our] song at the same time” (Faust, J.E., 1986).”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;">
<o:p> </o:p><span style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: -0.5in;">Faust,
J.E., </span><st1:place style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: -0.5in;" w:st="on">Hinckley</st1:place><span style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: -0.5in;">, G.B., </span>Monson<span style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: -0.5in;">, T.S. (2004). Birth
Control. In </span><i style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: -0.5in;">True to the Faith: A Gospel
Reference.</i><span style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: -0.5in;"> (pp. 26)</span><i style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: -0.5in;"> </i><st1:place style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: -0.5in;" w:st="on"><st1:city w:st="on">Salt Lake City</st1:city>, <st1:state w:st="on">UT</st1:state></st1:place><span style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: -0.5in;">:
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;">
Faust,
J.E., <st1:place w:st="on">Hinckley</st1:place>, G.B., Monson, T.S. (2005,
September). <i>The Family: A Proclamation to
the World.</i> Retrieved May 16, 2007, from The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints: <a href="http://www.lds.org/library/display/0,4945,105-1-11-1,00.html"><span style="color: windowtext;">http://www.lds.org/library/display/0,4945,105-1-11-1,00.html</span></a>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;">
<st1:place w:st="on">Hinckley</st1:place>, G.B. (2006, November). <i>In the Arms of His Love.</i> Ensign, 115-118. Retrieved on May 28,
2007, from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:
<a href="http://lds.org/portal/site/LDSOrg/menuitem.b12f9d18fae655bb69095bd3e44916a0/?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=05eb88f17feae010VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1">http://lds.org/portal/site/LDSOrg/menuitem.b12f9d18fae655bb69095bd3e44916a0/?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=05eb88f17feae010VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1</a>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;">
Kimball,
S.W. (1976, February). <i>Marriage- The <st1:street w:st="on"><st1:address w:st="on">Proper Way</st1:address></st1:street>.</i> New
Era, 4. Retrieved on May 28, 2007, from The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints: <a href="http://lds.org/portal/site/LDSOrg/menuitem.b12f9d18fae655bb69095bd3e44916a0/?vgnextoid=024644f8f206c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=58fc5930f289b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1"><span style="color: windowtext;">http://lds.org/portal/site/LDSOrg/menuitem.b12f9d18fae655bb69095bd3e44916a0/?vgnextoid=024644f8f206c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=58fc5930f289b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1</span></a><o:p></o:p></div>
Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-82278897673702416652013-01-27T21:12:00.000-08:002013-01-27T21:31:30.512-08:00As an LDS Mother Who Works<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2LtUYFzaDHSXdSW_Ha88ngRuKYxTSCtJ9hRDtewxLOSNHQh-JH_wXD197_HMkbyPRj9dwTri_aR02UIsWSIZU9zdmp9vF-Z5lP-SBmimDuhT4L3dBknvkkpvlYgUR8BgBFK5hZ4mpJsjt/s1600/WorkingMom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="171" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2LtUYFzaDHSXdSW_Ha88ngRuKYxTSCtJ9hRDtewxLOSNHQh-JH_wXD197_HMkbyPRj9dwTri_aR02UIsWSIZU9zdmp9vF-Z5lP-SBmimDuhT4L3dBknvkkpvlYgUR8BgBFK5hZ4mpJsjt/s200/WorkingMom.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
I've been trying to get myself to write at least one post on my honest experience thus far working full-time. I've had a million thoughts and things that I thought I should say. Many thoughts were followed by w<i>hat will they think when they read that? Is that being too honest? Well, that's not true </i>all <i>the time. Maybe I shouldn't say that after all..</i>.<br />
<br />
I'm going to just try and let it flow out of me. So, you might be offended by my unedited thoughts. So here goes.<br />
<br />
Being an LDS working mom sucks. And it is good. I feel so conflicted. I feel like no matter what I will do, I will feel like I'm missing out somewhere. If I were a full-time SAHM, I would feel guilty not using the education I've earned. Plus, I'll be honest here and say I don't think I could ever stay home full-time. My patience is not high enough. I enjoy the fulfillment that comes from working. Working full-time, I feel the guilt of <i>I should be the main nurterer</i> (read: I should be at home). I feel guilty for enjoying a good day at work. I feel like crap for coming home emotionally worn out some days and not being completely present for Aidan and Aaron. Aaron has pointed out this emotional exhaustion on multiple occasions and I have owned up to it. The other day he clearly pointed out "You'd rather spend time cleaning than with your son." And he was right in that moment. It was one of those days. In my mind, I needed to tidy our house before I could even enjoy playing with Aidan. I hate it, but it's true. More guilt. Also, I hate that my house isn't as clean as most moms around here. Dumb, I know. But I honestly worry about it and don't often invite people over because I'm so embarrassed.<br />
<br />
So, why did I put "LDS" in there. Within the LDS Culture (different from the <a href="https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation">doctrine</a>), I feel like I am the "working mom". That's it. I have no depth. I am known because I work full-time. Many of the cultural fun things don't really naturally allow room for women that work. Callings are typically scheduled with meetings during the day (Luckily, the presidency I'm in is awesome. But I do feel some guilt that I'm not available during the day to meet when I know they would prefer to be meeting.) Ward play group and mom's group are during working hours. I go to the Girls Night Outs and feel like the odd duck. All of these moms get to know each other and I have a shot once a month to get to know people. Especially since I'm in Primary on Sundays. Over the summer there were a bunch of women involved in a workout competition. I heard about it from a friend a few weeks in and asked why I didn't hear about it and she just responded, "Because you work. You can't come workout with us." I feel so socially awkward at gatherings. I used to be the one to host play group and mother's group in our old ward. I don't know how accurate my perception of this is and realize that I'm pretty sensitive to it. I don't want to be "the working mom". I am a lot more than that... I think.<br />
<br />
I love that I'm using my education. I love the experience I'm getting. I love the patients I work with and seeing them progress. I love that I work at a place where it is 95% female and my boss is a working mom with 2 kids herself so she's very understanding of life. At the same time, there are maybe 3 of us therapists (including my boss) out of the 20ish married with kid(s). It makes it a bit difficult to reach out and connect at work when I don't feel like I can add much to the conversation of who's dating who etc. Plus, if I'm really being honest, I try to get work done as fast as possible to rush home. What's up with that anyway? I go to work, I enjoy it. But in the back of my mind I'm always thinking and trying to get it done as fast as possible to get back home to Aidan and Aaron. It's like I'm never fully present there. Is any mother? Just curious. Then again, is any working father?<br />
<br />
I never thought my husband would be a full-time stay at home dad before me. But here we are. I remember as a little girl saying "I want to be a mommy" and admiring my mom for everything that she did. Aaron started full-time SAHDness around November when Police Academy wrapped up. Before that, he was doing school or academy in the evenings. He hasn't quite figured out what the plan is going forward. He still needs to pass a 1.5mile run in the required time and then he can start the second Police block (either this March or next January). He also has about 30 credits of his undergrad left. I wonder if I would feel more or less guilt if he were in a place he was graduated and could be in a career? Would/Will I still work when he's at that point when it's not vital that I provide this income? Is him not being able to work giving me an excuse or an <i>opportunity </i>to work? I can't tell sometimes. Also, I do realize he could provide for us if we really wanted. He'd let me quit in in an instant and go find jobs. I know he's worn out on being home full-time. We both made this decision together... Another story. But very complexly tied into this rant I guess...<br />
<br />
I feel like my ability to mother drastically declined as I entered the work-force. My patience has dwindled, my ability to be creative and come up with activities disappeared. I'm totally serious. On evenings and weekends, I think "ummmmmm.... what could we do.....?" And I usually get complete brain farts. Which further solidifies my thought, <i>I suck as a mom</i>. This thought also leads me to think <i>I should never be home full-time. My poor kids would be so bored.... I shouldn't want to explode at them this fast</i>. This thought is also solidified whenever Aidan clearly chooses to be with Aaron over me. Aaron is waaaay more fun and creative. I realize. When Aidan's with me, we tend to do things like wash the dishes together, mop the floors, learning to cook as well as playing with cars and hiding from monsters. Also, I don't think I ever yelled at Aidan or got the kind of reactions I do from him now before I was working. Yup, low patience. I yelled at him- like full-out yelled- about two weeks ago. I can't even remember what it was over, but I feel like poop about it. All that did was give him more attention. The only reason I yelled was because of me being overwhelmed It didn't help anything in the situation. Dumb. Today, as I carried him out of sacrament meeting to go home and take the nap he clearly needed he pulled my hair and swatted my face and body yelling and crying at me. We got home and he started finding things to throw at me and throw all over the ground. I'm sure some kids do this at some point, but Aidan doing it to me makes me feel like crap. And sometimes during these tantrums, it is only Aaron that can get him to calm down. Isn't it me as the mom that should be able to calm my toddler during his meltdown? I want to be able to calm my son. I miss the days when I could calm him over anything. Yup, those days when I could just take him in my arms and he'd be quiet and still and I secretly thought in my head <i>muah ha ha! Yesss!</i>. And again, I don't know if it's because I work and am not around as much that I can't comfort him like I used to, but I blame that at least in part. It's good that Aaron can experience being the comforter, but I'm jealous and disappointed in myself- probably how Aaron felt the first 18 months of his life.<br />
<br />
I'm terrified for the birth of this second child. I want to be thrilled and excited, but it seems like working is just this huge barrier. I don't want to get too attached even though I do. I don't even know if that makes sense. Like I said, the "original" plan was that Aaron would be done with all Police Academy Training in May just in time for me to have our baby. It would have allowed me to take Maternity and then just go back very part-time (my dream). But, I'm now looking at going back full-time after Maternity Leave because we need the benefits and Aaron most likely won't be done and able to get a good full-time job with benefits at that point. 1) I don't like when things don't go as planned. 2) I'm so sick of us being in school 3) I totally realize that Aaron probably feels more anxiety and worry than me in regard to his schooling and career. With Aidan, I was in school full-time, but I think I was only gone about 15-20 hours a week maximum for the first 18 months of his life. With this baby, I will be home full-time for 3 months (which is pretty dang cool. I didn't even have that with Aidan), but then I'll be back to work 32 hours/week. And work is now 15 minutes away instead of 3 like it was with Aidan. I want to breastfeed. I want to be there for her first time lifting her head and her first time rolling and her first time crawling and all of her other firsts. This is going to be my baby girl. My first daughter. And I won't get to be there for all of it. And here goes the waterworks...<br />
<br />
In writing all of this, I realize I may sound very entitled and snobbish. I know I have been blessed immensely, but I also have some honest struggles within myself. This is where I guess the true pessimist comes out? I got to go to a great school and I had a supportive husband all the way through. I received a great education. I have had great peers and mentors. I wanted to move out of Provo and student-life and I was blessed with a job that allowed us to move. I have a job I love with good benefits. I have great coworkers. I can do fun things with my kids. I can choose my work hours so I'm usually home by 3 in the afternoon instead of 5 or 5:30 or later like most. I have a husband willing to stay home with 1 (and soon 2) kids. I don't have to pay for daycare. My house may not (ever) be clean, but it's a nice house in a nice neighborhood. I still have people at church and in my neighborhood that I can get to know. I know that someday I will have the option of how much and where to work. I'm just being impatient and struggling at times right now and I just have to admit it is hard. I'm grateful for the friends I have that I can be honest with. It's also been nice to be able to talk to my mom who has been working full-time since my dad was disabled so I don't feel so alone and messed up. It'll be interesting to see what the future holds for our family.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-61759365716557124032013-01-17T19:44:00.001-08:002013-01-27T21:12:41.313-08:00BMI for a Two-Year Old?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6KO4jHS12pbfb5rY4kVWAnunf4rXk7bZKx79AehDVQ9dqd1Uhp9GkElJWbqPacwt89GXWsp0YOPRYEqwzBlRV_XnLRKpsbNL6G3t8uN65eX51RoDTgT5GfpLeuZq60FLgbZGTLDJUM3g4/s1600/Toddler+Obesity.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="127" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6KO4jHS12pbfb5rY4kVWAnunf4rXk7bZKx79AehDVQ9dqd1Uhp9GkElJWbqPacwt89GXWsp0YOPRYEqwzBlRV_XnLRKpsbNL6G3t8uN65eX51RoDTgT5GfpLeuZq60FLgbZGTLDJUM3g4/s320/Toddler+Obesity.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Today I went in for an appointment and met with a dietitian as part of it. They weighed me and weighed Aidan and got our heights etc. She told me Aidan is in the 40th %tile for height and the 80th %tile for weight. She then proceeded to tell me that this put him in the 90th percentile for his BMI. I was thinking it was a bit odd they were using <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_mass_index">BMI</a>, but continued to listen. I guess the AAP and CDC has endorsed this starting at age 2, but let's remember that they also say that doctors should use further assessments to see if excess fat is actually a problem (per <a href="http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/assessing/bmi/childrens_bmi/about_childrens_bmi.html">here</a>).<br />
<br />
She then continued to tell me that I should watch out for Aidan because he could be on track to become obese. I was very polite in the moment, but in my head I was thinking, <i>Heck no, woman! My child is only two and he looks and seems very healthy. And I can see this kid's ribs! I'm always worried that he doesn't have </i>enough <i>meat on his bones. Plus, I believe in</i><a href="http://www.intuitiveeating.org/content/what-intuitive-eating" style="font-style: italic;"> intuitive eating</a><i> and that kids are expert intuitive eaters. Plus, he runs around allllll the time. Plus, his primary doctor thinks he's doing well so I'll take his word over yours. </i>Yeah, I totally over-reacted in my head, but even now it's still sticking with me. I think it's wise that we make sure our kids develop healthy habits while they're young and we do have an <a href="http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/obesity-epidemic-astronomical">obesity epidemic in the US</a>.<br />
<br />
It was a very interesting experience for me. It totally caught me off guard. Completely. I never think of him as an <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19763093">overweight or hefty toddle</a>r at all. I think we're going to switch him to skim or 1% milk now and try to be a bit <i>more </i>mindful and make sure we offer him a wide variety of foods, regular meal times etc.<br />
<br />
Has anybody else had an experience like this?Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-76364094715806263542013-01-17T19:23:00.001-08:002013-01-27T21:12:55.889-08:00WANTED: Positive VBAC & Doula StoriesI'm planning on a vbac with this baby. I have yet to hear some positive stories. Most people just say "ooooh, I know so-and-so that tried that she ended up having another c-section" Sooooo, send me your positive stories! How did it go?<br />
<br />
I <a href="http://laurenandaaron.blogspot.com/2010/08/aidans-birth.html">labored for about an hour with Aidan</a> after my water broke, but I think I was only around 4-5cm when I got the epidural/spinal to undergo surgery for the c-section. I remember being in pain, not wanting to move and shaking like crazy and then after the spinal, feeling like I was on the verge of blacking out (death in my mind) and not even being able to talk really. It's all kind of a blur. I think I was fine until they started telling me that I'd likely need a c-section and all of the prep happened for that. So, I don't have much memory of the labor I did endure. I'm planning on getting an epidural and I have a friend that has offered to be my doula if we decide on that. So, also, positive experiences with a doula?<br />
<br />
And go!Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-10995816093773801092012-12-18T21:25:00.000-08:002012-12-18T21:25:28.503-08:00Wear Pants to LDS ChurchSome women within the LDS Church chose to wear pants this past Sunday.<br />
<br />
"This event is the first act of All Enlisted, a direct action group for Mormon women to advocate for equality within our faith. We do not seek to eradicate the differences between women and men, but we do want the LDS church and its members to acknowledge the similarities. We believe that much of the cultural, structural, and even doctrinal inequality that persists in the LDS church today stems from the church's reliance on – and enforcement of – rigid gender roles that bear no relationship to reality."<br />
<br />
I have a few friends that participated. I, however, didn't wear pants to church on Sunday.<br />
<br />
The event and purpose seemed to shift a bit throughout the week. At first, it seemed the event was a statement against LDS culture AND doctrine. I, personally, acknowledge there are some rigid gender stereotypes and expectations within the culture. I have a testimony of the doctrine taught within the LDS church and sustain the priesthood leaders.<br />
<br />
Throughout the week, it seemed to shift into a statement about wearing pants instead of having to feel like they should wear a skirt or pants. I also saw some just making a statement about the cultural differences within the church and wanting that to change.<br />
<br />
I chose to wear a skirt because I believe in the doctrine and also because I believe that a dress or skirt does represent my Sunday Best (to me). I know that I <i>could </i>wear pants if I wanted to and there haven't been any statements against wearing pants. But I like to be dressy and girly in a skirt. I feel more feminine. Sure, it's not always the most comfortable. But I am a girl and I'm so okay with that. I know some will argue that I'm just buying into the cultural expectations and stooping to a lower level by giving in and wearing a skirt. I don't feel that way.<br />
<br />
I'm a bit of a feminist (in case you hadn't noticed), but not the man-hating kind that people usually hear about and stereotype. I think my role as a woman is complemented by Aaron's as a husband and love that we can work together in our goal of eternal families. I really loved <a href="http://mormonscholarstestify.org/1718/valerie-hudson-cassler">this article about why she is a Mormon because she's a feminist.</a><br />
<br />
Here's a comment I wrote on facebook about the cultural difficulties that can occur:<br />
<span id=".reactRoot[75].[1][2][1]{comment118495998316768_94894}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[0]" style="background-color: #edeff4; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;">I have definitely experienced firsthand sexist and demeaning comments from leaders and other members of the church- even within my own family. I know that the attitude of some members is lacking and I understand how women can feel less-than. I always remember my mom telling me, "Remember, the church is perfect, but its members aren't." I don't feel like the doctrine, leaders of the church or God have ever looked down on me for being a woman. Nor, do I feel like they put Aaron up on a pedestal for being a man and holding the priesthood. I get a lot of crap for getting a higher education and doing it after I was married and then doing more after having a child and then working outside of the home right now "not being there for my son" and having Aaron "suffer through staying at home because he deserves more than that." Yes, these comments are offensive and I sometimes cry, but they are just other people saying them. Luckily I have an awesome husband who can talk me through incidents like this and I also believe I receive comfort through prayer knowing that I am doing alright. I really believe in families and that I am here to learn to work with Aaron to build a family. I'm grateful that we can complement each other in our roles, responsibilities and callings. I can't let others opinions get in my way.</span><br id=".reactRoot[75].[1][2][1]{comment118495998316768_94894}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[1]" style="background-color: #edeff4; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;" /><br id=".reactRoot[75].[1][2][1]{comment118495998316768_94894}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[2]" style="background-color: #edeff4; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;" /><span id=".reactRoot[75].[1][2][1]{comment118495998316768_94894}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[3]" style="background-color: #edeff4; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;">I think it can be especially hard when some of these comments come from local leaders and are taught like doctrine like in your example. I see unrighteous dominion in many marriages and its horrible. I think the word "preside" is often taken out of context. I really like this even though it's a few years old -</span><a href="https://www.lds.org/ensign/1989/07/unrighteous-dominion?lang=eng" id=".reactRoot[75].[1][2][1]{comment118495998316768_94894}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[4]" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: #edeff4; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px; text-decoration: initial;" target="_blank">https://www.lds.org/ensign/1989/07/unrighteous-dominion?lang=eng</a><span id=".reactRoot[75].[1][2][1]{comment118495998316768_94894}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[5]" style="background-color: #edeff4; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;">. I think there as another one more recently that addresses similar issues.</span><br id=".reactRoot[75].[1][2][1]{comment118495998316768_94894}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[6]" style="background-color: #edeff4; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;" /><br id=".reactRoot[75].[1][2][1]{comment118495998316768_94894}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[7]" style="background-color: #edeff4; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;" /><span id=".reactRoot[75].[1][2][1]{comment118495998316768_94894}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[8]" style="background-color: #edeff4; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;">On a somewhat related note (to me anyway), I have had many clients whose priesthood leaders instruct them to "pray harder" or "sleep with a Book of Mormon under your pillow" to cure depression or other mental disorders, but the truth is they aren't trained to know how to treat mental illness. They are human and trying to help out of kindness and will make mistakes in their effort to help others. I have been impressed by the church's efforts to help more leaders to refer to mental health providers instead of doing the counseling themselves as bishops etc. I think when church leaders find out about incidents like this, they try to act quickly because they recognize it's not okay and that practices like these are not doctrine.</span><br />
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A follow up comment from my cousin:<br />
<span id=".reactRoot[75].[1][2][1]{comment118495998316768_94937}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[0]" style="background-color: #edeff4; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;"><span id=".reactRoot[75].[1][2][1]{comment118495998316768_94937}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[0].[1]">Practical faith sometimes escapes us as members. Here's a story from conference for you from Elder Oaks: "When a person requested a priesthood blessing, Brigham Young would ask, “Have you used any remedies?” To those who said no because </span></span><span id=".reactRoot[75].[1][2][1]{comment118495998316768_94937}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[3]" style="background-color: #edeff4; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;"><span id=".reactRoot[75].[1][2][1]{comment118495998316768_94937}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[3].0"><span id=".reactRoot[75].[1][2][1]{comment118495998316768_94937}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[3].0.[0]">“we wish the Elders to lay hands upon us, and we have faith that we shall be healed,” President Young replied: “That is very inconsistent according to my faith. If we are sick, and ask the Lord to heal us, and to do all for us that is necessary to be done, according to my understanding of the Gospel of salvation, I might as well ask the Lord to cause my wheat and corn to grow, without my plowing the ground and casting in the seed. It appears consistent to me to apply every remedy that comes within the range of my knowledge, and [then] to ask my Father in Heaven … to sanctify that application to the healing of my body."</span></span></span>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-70988678633222425162012-12-12T17:40:00.003-08:002012-12-12T17:40:44.449-08:00Meggings?I am not a very stylish person. I am aware. Which is why I don't set any trends... or really ever follow them.<br />
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But eeeewwww.<br />
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<a href="http://living.msn.com/style-beauty/simply-chic-blog-post/?post=da8b0fd9-6f1b-43c9-aefd-d548ed717b0d">Latest trend for guys: Man tights</a></h1>
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I anticipate a steeper decline in birth rates in the years to come with how tight men's pants are becoming...</div>
Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-45687361241992088952012-10-30T20:54:00.001-07:002012-10-30T20:54:42.685-07:00Porcupine Sex<span style="background-color: #ebebeb; color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">What can porcupines teach couples everywhere? </span><br style="background-color: #ebebeb; color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: #ebebeb; color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: #ebebeb; color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">This warm story is a favorite of the Gottmans, because it illustrates their approach to good relationships. When Dr. Gottman speaks in the clip of bringing two sections of the bookstore together, he's referring to sex books and and relationship books. The former focus little on the quality of relationship, communication and conflict, while the latter don't spend much time on the quality of sex. John and Julie Gottman teach a dual and integrated approach in their workshops and trainings.</span><iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/_Zta4W5noiM" width="560"></iframe>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-18536612903815771872012-09-18T22:17:00.001-07:002012-09-18T22:17:58.899-07:00The Great Porn ExperimentThis TED Talk by Gary Wilson, "The Great Porn Experiment," is a relatively new resource that examines the effects of internet porn on consumers. (Erectile Dysfunction in young, otherwise healthy men is the most striking one, but the breadth and depth of distressing side-effects will amaze you.) He adds credence to his case by showing how abstaining from porn ameliorates these symptoms. Gary is an engaging teacher. The slide show that illustrates his talk drives home his points superbly. Although he has lots of fun with the topic, his big heart shines through and his deep care for men stuck in a porn rut is unmistakable. (<a href="http://markchamberlainphd.blogspot.com/2012/09/a-sexy-incentive-to-abstain-from-porn.html">from here</a>)<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/wSF82AwSDiU" width="560"></iframe><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU&feature=player_embedded">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU&feature=player_embedded </a><br />
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Gary is host of www.yourbrainonporn.com. The site arose in response to a growing demand for solid scientific information by heavy Internet erotica users experiencing perplexing, unexpected effects: escalation to more extreme material, concentration difficulties, sexual performance problems, radical changes in sexual tastes, social anxiety, irritability, inability to stop, and obsessive-compulsive symptoms.<br />
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As a physiology teacher with a particular interest in the latest neuroscience discoveries, Gary was aware that their symptoms might be the result of addiction-related brain changes. Applying the website's concepts of brain plasticity, many former users have braved withdrawal, reversed their symptoms and restored normal sexual responsiveness.<br />
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The site has been linked to from hundreds of threads in forums from over thirty countries, with posts numbering in the thousands. Gary blogs for "Psychology Today" and "The Good Men Project" on the extreme plasticity of adolescent brains, the evolutionary context for today's flood of novel cyber "mates," and the neurochemical reasons why superstimulating Internet delivery has unexpected effects on the brain.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-1804385830074248702012-09-09T21:02:00.000-07:002013-07-16T21:33:12.297-07:00Elder Holland's Devotional<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/watch/ces-devotionals/2012/09?lang=eng">http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/watch/ces-devotionals/2012/09?lang=eng</a>
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"You are <i>never </i>to check your religion at the door!"</div>
Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-81442701753176815362012-07-29T16:17:00.000-07:002012-07-29T19:56:12.392-07:00PMDDAbout 6 months ago, I started noticing some pretty crazy things going on in my mind and physically. I'm a bit nervous to share all of this, but I figure it'll be good to get out there if anybody is experiencing the same thing. Or maybe you've hung out with me recently and felt I was a bit "off". Also, if you believe that PMS is just a lame excuse some women have, maybe this will change your mind.<br />
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I noticed feeling some really intense ups and downs a few months ago. I would feel so on edge and anxious at times and some months, I'd even have fleeting suicidal thoughts. I felt crazy!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH65ippNRg5PLVVkvrC2cQLEjAqSgkt0mEBTHPNODBzJMDuqgzmvO4QTxNjQyHS_NPBTYvMNVBk87-G9mAVujjpgJGKQ0EEPThMLAwTKy9of-PiSPSFEQQPQDTk5d3JcATuwaUE30Pcvvo/s1600/PMDDAgitated.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH65ippNRg5PLVVkvrC2cQLEjAqSgkt0mEBTHPNODBzJMDuqgzmvO4QTxNjQyHS_NPBTYvMNVBk87-G9mAVujjpgJGKQ0EEPThMLAwTKy9of-PiSPSFEQQPQDTk5d3JcATuwaUE30Pcvvo/s1600/PMDDAgitated.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I basically fluctuated between this</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLH_XYfnTkVqaMVCI37k8_EyF1MXRf26BI8HV00IQS8NgragyYLJxYHpZXY_D3L6WfV5ILZYoTFW9aBgLIEeIXCUxCusf-NtapsJCWl3lL9ISPypkE7xRXDB73ex_9jM0zftJK_5KVn2d-/s1600/PMDDCrying.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLH_XYfnTkVqaMVCI37k8_EyF1MXRf26BI8HV00IQS8NgragyYLJxYHpZXY_D3L6WfV5ILZYoTFW9aBgLIEeIXCUxCusf-NtapsJCWl3lL9ISPypkE7xRXDB73ex_9jM0zftJK_5KVn2d-/s1600/PMDDCrying.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">...and this</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white;">It was such an interesting experience for me to have. I'd think things like, "I am so anxious right now. I just want to cut or go run around." or thoughts like "I can't do this anymore. Everybody would be better off if I were dead." Then shortly after thinking these thoughts I'd think, "Lauren, what the heck! You know that's not right! Why are you having thoughts like this? What is going on? Of course, your life is worth living. You have great family and friends. You are having a hard time right now, but you will get through it." I remember feeling like my skin was crawling because I was so anxious. I was so embarrassed and ashamed to even be so overwhelmed and having such thoughts. I think I had some increased guilt because I am a therapist and help people through these issues daily at work. Aaron could obviously tell something was going on and would ask if I needed to get out of the house for a bit- which I felt guilty for saying I needed. I was already in school and seeing clients and then he was sensing my anxiety and depression and offering for me to leave more. I couldn't believe it.</span><br />
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I have a Period Tracker on my iPod that can track moods, cravings and I could put in notes so I started tracking days of the month when I was feeling especially low- something I often advise my female clients to do. I just wanted to see if it was correlated with my cycle or not. I should also add that I've had a Mirena IUD in since 6 weeks postpartum (almost 2 years ago) so I hadn't recently had any changes in medications like birth control. I couldn't believe how obvious the pattern was!! My <i>really </i>hard days of depression or anxiety were always 2 days before starting my period. Always. Some months were harder than others, but on any given month I could guarantee that 2 days prior to my period's arrival, I would be on edge and easily breakable and pretty crazy feeling.<br />
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I finally talked to Aaron about it. I was so embarrassed. He expressed to me that it was really hard for him and Aidan. He suggested I go talk to a doctor because "Aidan and I don't like this Lauren. We want the other Lauren." It broke my heart to hear it, but I knew it was true. I wasn't being as good of a wife and mother to them as I could. The next day, I talked to my mom about what I was experiencing. She asked if I was working out, eating well etc. Of course, I'm not as good about these things as I used to be and have been trying to work them back into my schedule. I scheduled an appointment with a new doctor later that day to check out my symptoms and get an opinion.<br />
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I was terrified for this appointment. I just switched insurance with my job so it would be my first time meeting this provider and I was going to have to tell her about these crazy thoughts I was having and then "Oh, and by the way, I'm a therapist." I was worried about how she would react and what she would think. I worry a lot about what other people think. Aaron drove me to my appointment and dropped me off and picked me up. My doctor was really great and understanding. I felt totally comfortable with her.<br />
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The diagnosis- <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0004461/">PMDD</a> (Premenstural Dysphoric Disorder). I'd heard about it a few years ago when we had cable or at least seen some birth control commercials that said they helped with PMDD "a more serious form of PMS that affects 5% of women". My doctor suggested I try to exercise more regularly, eat a healthier diet and also asked if I wanted to take medication. I felt more shame and guilt. But then again, I tell my clients to take medication if it will help them function and do better. We talked about it and since I was just starting to wean Aidan I wanted something that wouldn't interfere with breastfeeding. She prescribed a very low dose of Zoloft for me to take for the 13 days prior to my period starting. Luckily my period is pretty consistent.<br />
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The first cycle after that appointment, I did my best to work out and have a good healthy (ish?) month. I was still super agitated 2 days before my period. Not as bad as before, but seriously, I could tell. It's just that on edge icky feeling. I figured that the following cycle I should actually take the zoloft as prescribed since the workout/sleep/eating regimen didn't totally cure the symptoms.<br />
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The first day I took a zoloft I was scared out of my mind. I took it on a Sunday and was worried about how I might start acting at church in front of other people, if symptoms would appear out of nowhere or what. For those taking Zoloft for PMDD, it's supposed to work instantly. I remember feeling like things were rolling off of me and I wasn't so stressed and overwhelmed- even just by watching Aidan during sacrament meeting. It was crazy to realize that I could have a reaction that wasn't so tense and agitated. Who knows, it could just be placebo affect, but I'll take it if it works! Placebo affects have been shown to help heal cancer so helping PMDD is totally awesome, too ;-)<br />
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This has been a very humbling experience for me.<br />
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First, to know that some mental issues can come out of nowhere after a long time without them. There isn't always a hint. Sometimes they just hit out of nowhere.<br />
Second, to know that even if I do all that I can in my control, I may still need help of medication and others around me.<br />
Also, it's just great to know that I do have a good network of support around me to help me through anything I might need.<br />
It was good to get some honest feedback from Aaron even though it was pretty hurtful to realize how I was acting was affecting those I really love and care about. I'm glad Aaron and I have a relationship where we can talk openly with each other.<br />
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I'm glad I've had this experience because I feel like I get a little more the struggle my clients go through when struggling with a mental/physical illness, having to try medication and not knowing what to expect.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-966046286174764157.post-56789872920379787492012-06-28T20:51:00.000-07:002012-06-28T20:53:59.907-07:00Saving Your Marriage<span style="font-family: inherit;">This was such a powerful and moving clip for me. It seems the sanctity and importance of family and marriage is just flying out the window these days in culture.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"A marriage, like a human life, is a precious, living thing. If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The weakening of the concept that marriages are permanent and precious has far-reaching consequences. I speak out of concern, but with hope. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Plead for the guidance of the Spirit of the Lord to forgive wrongs (as President Faust has just taught us so beautifully), to overcome faults, and to strengthen relationships. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The kind of marriage required for exaltation—eternal in duration and godlike in quality—does not contemplate divorce."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">If I'm totally honest, the "D" word has definitely been used in our marriage a couple times by myself as a threat (Never my husband- and I'm the therapist!). Sometimes, we can fool ourselves to thinking that's a better option or even that it's an option at all. This is such a great reminder from Elder Oaks about marriage and what it really is.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKAZn15Lvw9lWL0x5fMNt2HYtZrh6aDs4FRMSb3HYSCGj6I77l7CLRBsJxsp67DSFFOzygmqYOUFA-r6wVwQoU9z2ZOG3OubYgFKncFGhGLqDVODWHk0mgaUvsGYOdZcGWeSKqUIPtZqwv/s1600/OaksCouple.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKAZn15Lvw9lWL0x5fMNt2HYtZrh6aDs4FRMSb3HYSCGj6I77l7CLRBsJxsp67DSFFOzygmqYOUFA-r6wVwQoU9z2ZOG3OubYgFKncFGhGLqDVODWHk0mgaUvsGYOdZcGWeSKqUIPtZqwv/s320/OaksCouple.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection. </b></span></div>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08138706004276612914noreply@blogger.com1