Wear Pants to LDS Church

Some women within the LDS Church chose to wear pants this past Sunday.

"This event is the first act of All Enlisted, a direct action group for Mormon women to advocate for equality within our faith. We do not seek to eradicate the differences between women and men, but we do want the LDS church and its members to acknowledge the similarities. We believe that much of the cultural, structural, and even doctrinal inequality that persists in the LDS church today stems from the church's reliance on – and enforcement of – rigid gender roles that bear no relationship to reality."

I have a few friends that participated. I, however, didn't wear pants to church on Sunday.

The event and purpose seemed to shift a bit throughout the week. At first, it seemed the event was a statement against LDS culture AND doctrine. I, personally, acknowledge there are some rigid gender stereotypes and expectations within the culture. I have a testimony of the doctrine taught within the LDS church and sustain the priesthood leaders.

Throughout the week, it seemed to shift into a statement about wearing pants instead of having to feel like they should wear a skirt or pants. I also saw some just making a statement about the cultural differences within the church and wanting that to change.

I chose to wear a skirt because I believe in the doctrine and also because I believe that a dress or skirt does represent my Sunday Best (to me). I know that I could wear pants if I wanted to and there haven't been any statements against wearing pants. But I like to be dressy and girly in a skirt. I feel more feminine. Sure, it's not always the most comfortable. But I am a girl and I'm so okay with that. I know some will argue that I'm just buying into the cultural expectations and stooping to a lower level by giving in and wearing a skirt. I don't feel that way.

I'm a bit of a feminist (in case you hadn't noticed), but not the man-hating kind that people usually hear about and stereotype. I think my role as a woman is complemented by Aaron's as a husband and love that we can work together in our goal of eternal families. I really loved this article about why she is a Mormon because she's a feminist.

Here's a comment I wrote on facebook about the cultural difficulties that can occur:
I have definitely experienced firsthand sexist and demeaning comments from leaders and other members of the church- even within my own family. I know that the attitude of some members is lacking and I understand how women can feel less-than. I always remember my mom telling me, "Remember, the church is perfect, but its members aren't." I don't feel like the doctrine, leaders of the church or God have ever looked down on me for being a woman. Nor, do I feel like they put Aaron up on a pedestal for being a man and holding the priesthood. I get a lot of crap for getting a higher education and doing it after I was married and then doing more after having a child and then working outside of the home right now "not being there for my son" and having Aaron "suffer through staying at home because he deserves more than that." Yes, these comments are offensive and I sometimes cry, but they are just other people saying them. Luckily I have an awesome husband who can talk me through incidents like this and I also believe I receive comfort through prayer knowing that I am doing alright. I really believe in families and that I am here to learn to work with Aaron to build a family. I'm grateful that we can complement each other in our roles, responsibilities and callings. I can't let others opinions get in my way.

I think it can be especially hard when some of these comments come from local leaders and are taught like doctrine like in your example. I see unrighteous dominion in many marriages and its horrible. I think the word "preside" is often taken out of context. I really like this even though it's a few years old -https://www.lds.org/ensign/1989/07/unrighteous-dominion?lang=eng. I think there as another one more recently that addresses similar issues.

On a somewhat related note (to me anyway), I have had many clients whose priesthood leaders instruct them to "pray harder" or "sleep with a Book of Mormon under your pillow" to cure depression or other mental disorders, but the truth is they aren't trained to know how to treat mental illness. They are human and trying to help out of kindness and will make mistakes in their effort to help others. I have been impressed by the church's efforts to help more leaders to refer to mental health providers instead of doing the counseling themselves as bishops etc. I think when church leaders find out about incidents like this, they try to act quickly because they recognize it's not okay and that practices like these are not doctrine.

A follow up comment from my cousin:
Practical faith sometimes escapes us as members. Here's a story from conference for you from Elder Oaks: "When a person requested a priesthood blessing, Brigham Young would ask, “Have you used any remedies?” To those who said no because “we wish the Elders to lay hands upon us, and we have faith that we shall be healed,” President Young replied: “That is very inconsistent according to my faith. If we are sick, and ask the Lord to heal us, and to do all for us that is necessary to be done, according to my understanding of the Gospel of salvation, I might as well ask the Lord to cause my wheat and corn to grow, without my plowing the ground and casting in the seed. It appears consistent to me to apply every remedy that comes within the range of my knowledge, and [then] to ask my Father in Heaven … to sanctify that application to the healing of my body."

Meggings?

I am not a very stylish person. I am aware. Which is why I don't set any trends... or really ever follow them.

But eeeewwww.

Latest trend for guys: Man tights

I anticipate a steeper decline in birth rates in the years to come with how tight men's pants are becoming...

Porcupine Sex

What can porcupines teach couples everywhere? 

This warm story is a favorite of the Gottmans, because it illustrates their approach to good relationships. When Dr. Gottman speaks in the clip of bringing two sections of the bookstore together, he's referring to sex books and and relationship books. The former focus little on the quality of relationship, communication and conflict, while the latter don't spend much time on the quality of sex. John and Julie Gottman teach a dual and integrated approach in their workshops and trainings.

The Great Porn Experiment

This TED Talk by Gary Wilson, "The Great Porn Experiment," is a relatively new resource that examines the effects of internet porn on consumers. (Erectile Dysfunction in young, otherwise healthy men is the most striking one, but the breadth and depth of distressing side-effects will amaze you.) He adds credence to his case by showing how abstaining from porn ameliorates these symptoms. Gary is an engaging teacher. The slide show that illustrates his talk drives home his points superbly. Although he has lots of fun with the topic, his big heart shines through and his deep care for men stuck in a porn rut is unmistakable. (from here)
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU&feature=player_embedded 

Gary is host of www.yourbrainonporn.com. The site arose in response to a growing demand for solid scientific information by heavy Internet erotica users experiencing perplexing, unexpected effects: escalation to more extreme material, concentration difficulties, sexual performance problems, radical changes in sexual tastes, social anxiety, irritability, inability to stop, and obsessive-compulsive symptoms.

As a physiology teacher with a particular interest in the latest neuroscience discoveries, Gary was aware that their symptoms might be the result of addiction-related brain changes. Applying the website's concepts of brain plasticity, many former users have braved withdrawal, reversed their symptoms and restored normal sexual responsiveness.

The site has been linked to from hundreds of threads in forums from over thirty countries, with posts numbering in the thousands. Gary blogs for "Psychology Today" and "The Good Men Project" on the extreme plasticity of adolescent brains, the evolutionary context for today's flood of novel cyber "mates," and the neurochemical reasons why superstimulating Internet delivery has unexpected effects on the brain.

Elder Holland's Devotional

http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/watch/ces-devotionals/2012/09?lang=eng

"You are never to check your religion at the door!"

PMDD

About 6 months ago, I started noticing some pretty crazy things going on in my mind and physically. I'm a bit nervous to share all of this, but I figure it'll be good to get out there if anybody is experiencing the same thing. Or maybe you've hung out with me recently and felt I was a bit "off". Also, if you believe that PMS is just a lame excuse some women have, maybe this will change your mind.

I noticed feeling some really intense ups and downs a few months ago. I would feel so on edge and anxious at times and some months, I'd even have fleeting suicidal thoughts. I felt crazy!

I basically fluctuated between this

...and this

 It was such an interesting experience for me to have. I'd think things like, "I am so anxious right now. I just want to cut or go run around." or thoughts like "I can't do this anymore. Everybody would be better off if I were dead." Then shortly after thinking these thoughts I'd think, "Lauren, what the heck! You know that's not right! Why are you having thoughts like this? What is going on? Of course, your life is worth living. You have great family and friends. You are having a hard time right now, but you will get through it." I remember feeling like my skin was crawling because I was so anxious. I was so embarrassed and ashamed to even be so overwhelmed and having such thoughts. I think I had some increased guilt because I am a therapist and help people through these issues daily at work. Aaron could obviously tell something was going on and would ask if I needed to get out of the house for a bit- which I felt guilty for saying I needed. I was already in school and seeing clients and then he was sensing my anxiety and depression and offering for me to leave more. I couldn't believe it.

I have a Period Tracker on my iPod that can track moods, cravings and I could put in notes so I started tracking days of the month when I was feeling especially low- something I often advise my female clients to do. I just wanted to see if it was correlated with my cycle or not. I should also add that I've had a Mirena IUD in since 6 weeks postpartum (almost 2 years ago) so I hadn't recently had any changes in medications like birth control. I couldn't believe how obvious the pattern was!! My really hard days of depression or anxiety were always 2 days before starting my period. Always. Some months were harder than others, but on any given month I could guarantee that 2 days prior to my period's arrival, I would be on edge and easily breakable and pretty crazy feeling.

I finally talked to Aaron about it. I was so embarrassed. He expressed to me that it was really hard for him and Aidan. He suggested I go talk to a doctor because "Aidan and I don't like this Lauren. We want the other Lauren." It broke my heart to hear it, but I knew it was true. I wasn't being as good of a wife and mother to them as I could. The next day, I talked to my mom about what I was experiencing. She asked if I was working out, eating well etc. Of course, I'm not as good about these things as I used to be and have been trying to work them back into my schedule. I scheduled an appointment with a new doctor later that day to check out my symptoms and get an opinion.

I was terrified for this appointment. I just switched insurance with my job so it would be my first time meeting this provider and I was going to have to tell her about these crazy thoughts I was having and then "Oh, and by the way, I'm a therapist." I was worried about how she would react and what she would think. I worry a lot about what other people think. Aaron drove me to my appointment and dropped me off and picked me up. My doctor was really great and understanding. I felt totally comfortable with her.

The diagnosis- PMDD (Premenstural Dysphoric Disorder). I'd heard about it a few years ago when we had cable or at least seen some birth control commercials that said they helped with PMDD "a more serious form of PMS that affects 5% of women". My doctor suggested I try to exercise more regularly, eat a healthier diet and also asked if I wanted to take medication. I felt more shame and guilt. But then again, I tell my clients to take medication if it will help them function and do better. We talked about it and since I was just starting to wean Aidan I wanted something that wouldn't interfere with breastfeeding. She prescribed a very low dose of Zoloft for me to take for the 13 days prior to my period starting. Luckily my period is pretty consistent.

The first cycle after that appointment, I did my best to work out and have a good healthy (ish?) month. I was still super agitated 2 days before my period. Not as bad as before, but seriously, I could tell. It's just that on edge icky feeling. I figured that the following cycle I should actually take the zoloft as prescribed since the workout/sleep/eating regimen didn't totally cure the symptoms.

The first day I took a zoloft I was scared out of my mind. I took it on a Sunday and was worried about how I might start acting at church in front of other people, if symptoms would appear out of nowhere or what. For  those taking Zoloft for PMDD, it's supposed to work instantly. I remember feeling like things were rolling off of me and I wasn't so stressed and overwhelmed- even just by watching Aidan during sacrament meeting. It was crazy to realize that I could have a reaction that wasn't so tense and agitated. Who knows, it could just be placebo affect, but I'll take it if it works! Placebo affects have been shown to help heal cancer so helping PMDD is totally awesome, too ;-)

This has been a very humbling experience for me.

First, to know that some mental issues can come out of nowhere after a long time without them. There isn't always a hint. Sometimes they just hit out of nowhere.
Second, to know that even if I do all that I can in my control, I may still need help of medication and others around me.
Also, it's just great to know that I do have a good network of support around me to help me through anything I might need.
It was good to get some honest feedback from Aaron even though it was pretty hurtful to realize how I was acting was affecting those I really love and care about. I'm glad Aaron and I have a relationship where we can talk openly with each other.

I'm glad I've had this experience because I feel like I get a little more the struggle my clients go through when struggling with a mental/physical illness, having to try medication and not knowing what to expect.

Saving Your Marriage

This was such a powerful and moving clip for me. It seems the sanctity and importance of family and marriage is just flying out the window these days in culture.

"A marriage, like a human life, is a precious, living thing.    If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again. 

The weakening of the concept that marriages are permanent and precious has far-reaching consequences. I speak out of concern, but with hope. 

The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us.  

Plead for the guidance of the Spirit of the Lord to forgive wrongs (as President Faust has just taught us so beautifully), to overcome faults, and to strengthen relationships. 

The kind of marriage required for exaltation—eternal in duration and godlike in quality—does not contemplate divorce."

If I'm totally honest, the "D" word has definitely been used in our marriage a couple times by myself as a threat (Never my husband- and I'm the therapist!). Sometimes, we can fool ourselves to thinking that's a better option or even that it's an option at all. This is such a great reminder from Elder Oaks about marriage and what it really is.

A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection.