Yes, My Husband is Full-Time Dad Right Now

Aaron has been a full-time stay at home dad since the end of December while trying to figure out his next step in school and career. I have no idea what it's really like for him and he insists, "I don't care what other people think." But you'd be surprised the kind of comments I get about him staying home with Aidan. I don't think he's had very many comments directly, but I know he's aware of others' looks and possible perceptions about him.

In the past 3 weeks, I have had some stunning comments when talking to people. The conversation usually goes something like this:

"What do you do?"
"I work full-time as a therapist treating women and girls with eating disorders during the day. I'm also trying to finish a PhD in Marriage & Family Therapy."
"And what's your husband doing?"
"Right now, he's at home with our son full-time trying to figure out the next plan for school and work."

And that's when the comments get interesting to me.

"Wait, he's not working and you are?... and you're 7 months pregnant?"
"He's not in school or working?! He needs to be pulling some of the weight- don't you think?"
"Well, that doesn't seem fair."
"Um.... oh...... cool....."

I usually respond with something diplomatic like,
"Yes, our son is so lucky to have this opportunity with him. Many kids don't get this much time with their dad. They have an awesome bond. And I'm lucky to have a job I love."
"This is what works best for our family right now. It was getting a bit crazy with us both working part-time and doing school full-time and neither having benefits. This was a great fit for us right now."
"I don't expect this to be permanent nor do either one of us want it to be. I know Aaron would rather be working, but right now we're still working together on getting there."
"Yeah, isn't it great that we were blessed with this full-time job opportunity and that I've been able to receive a good education to help me get this job? Many couples are just working crazily with scheduling and neither get much time with their kids while they're in this stage of life and in school."

I don't think any of those previous comments would be said to a father who said his wife was a stay at home mom. Okay, maybe some people, but it wouldn't be as socially acceptable- right? You'd never say a SAHM wasn't pulling her weight without some repercussion.

In searching for experiences from other LDS SAHDs I came across this and enjoyed reading a first-hand experience from a dad that worked through a lot of the social stigma.

Aaron tells me about how he takes Aidan to the zoo or other places and many women look at him like "Please, don't steal my child". A child ran away from his mother the other day at the zoo and came near Aaron and his mother quickly chided him and insisted he get away and come back while flashing Aaron a panicked glance.

Or how if he's at a playground, people look at him like he's crazy for being there playing with his child.

Aaron doesn't get to just go hang out with other stay at home parents during play group. It's just not socially acceptable.

He can't just go knock doors around the neighborhood of other stay at home parents when he's feeling overwhelmed and find somebody to hang out and talk to while the kids play together.

I believe his job staying at home is actually much more difficult than it would be if it were me. There is such a support network readily available to moms- especially in the church around here.

It's just so interesting to me that there are still such firm stereotypes against men that they must be fulfilling their duty to provide for their family to "be a man". I think this is going to be a lot harder to break than women being in the workforce. Men probably do get a lot more judgement than a woman breaking from her traditional role as a full-time SAHM if they go against their traditional role as provider. Maybe men just don't whine about it as much as people like I do and that's why it's not getting as much attention? Think about how hard it typically is for a man to get time off work for a sick child or something else.

I guess the bottom line is, I'm grateful that Aaron is such a good dad and doesn't seem to care what other people think. I want to acknowledge how difficult it is for him and I think he deserves a lot more credit than people give him (and even what I give him at times) and other stay at home dads or even just fathers involved in their children's lives. Parenting isn't easy. Every child deserves a good father and mother actively involved in their life.


"HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations...

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation..." (here)

Easy Money From Home: SWAGBUCKS

I'm sure most of you have heard about Swagbucks. I'd been hearing about it for a while, but finally tried it this past week. Just by searching the internet, doing a daily poll, and going through No Obligation Offers enough to earn a $5 Amazon gift card (450SB) and then some every month. They have a bunch of different prizes. You can look over them in the swag store and see if anything appeals to you.

I don't search for much on the internet. Some baby growth and development stuff, research, sports scores etc. and I still managed to earn plenty. They have a search toolbar you can download so it's directly on your browser. I have the drop down search menu so I can easily still switch over to Google for most of my real research.Some ways to earn swagbucks:

• Sign up=30SB
• Daily Poll=2SB/Day
• No Obligation Offers (You literally hit skip, skip, skip and don't sign up or give any info)=2SB/Day
• Toolbar=2SB/day when you open your browser
• Profile= 70+SB
• Using Coupons printed through their site
• Surveys (Different ones every day)= I've seen anywhere from 10-50SB/Survey
• Searching (doesn't matter what you search for)= Awarded randomly. 5-100SB. Fridays typically award larger amounts.
• Swagcodes: You can check on facebook, twitter or the swidget (I have one down on the right)
• Referrals= Whatever your referrals earn in their Open Searches you also get.
• Buy Daily Deals (eversave, homerun etc) through swagbucks and get the deal PLUS swagbucks.
• More Tips Here

This is my referral link- http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/LaLaRed1

My friend has a very thorough description of Swagbucks on her blog.

141 Grocery Items for $124 Including Produce & Organic

I love reading The Thrifty Couple.

They just did a post about saving a ton of money on a grocery trip.

We bought a total of 141 items for $123.91 in the end, which included a lot of produce, cheese, eggs, milk and even a bunch of organic items! The tab was $311.52 before the discounts!


I LOVE SAVING MONEY ON GROCERIES! Posts like this inspire me.


I personally use Deals to Meals for price matching and to find the best deals and it's saved us a bunch on our grocery budget.


What's your method?

Money Spent on Food

One of the hardest things we've dealt with as we both work and are in school is who's going to cook and clean and when. We have to eat. It's crazy thinking back on the past 5 years of marriage and noticing our income has declined every year. We used to eat out so often and spend much money and sometimes our grocery bill alone every month would be around $500 on top of the hundreds we'd spend eating out!

Eating out is a temptation we still struggle with. It can be so easy to just go drive through somewhere. Or if you want to eat "healthy" go get some soup and salad. The drive thru probably costs about $5-10 each time and our healthier runs are probably around $20 each. If we go out to dinner then it's probably at least around $25 for a meal for both of us. Oh, plus tips! That can add up SO fast! Say we did the drive thru once a week, that's $40 a month. A healthier to-go restaurant twice a month would be another $40. Plus, us eating out would be another $25. That'd be $105 a month or $1260 a year! I can think of so many other things I'd rather do with that much money if I had it.

I was just reading this article about the Seven Debtly Sins of Eating Out. We don't have credit cards so we've never gone into debt like they did on eating, but it just proves that it can add up fast. And now, since we're making less and have a baby and have more insurances and expenditures each month it would have the potential to really leave us scrimping and saving every month.

We're still working on cutting back. Basically, that means I need to make a meal plan, do some price matching and have the meal plan and recipes posted on the fridge for the week so if Aaron wants to cook he can have the recipe in sight and it's easier for me, too.

Don't get me wrong. We still eat out occasionally. And there still are nights when we both get home totally exhausted and I debate if there's something quick or that I froze that I can make really quick and sometimes we still go out to eat. It's something we enjoy and it's just nice to not have to make every single meal all the time. And I love eating out for date nights. But I'm trying to improve. For example, I'm trying to come up with dates that don't always involve eating somewhere.

How do you save money on food? Cut back on eating out?

Raising a Child

These numbers are a little daunting, but I'm not going to let that get in my way. Nice to know that our parents would take care of us and spend so much money on us. I think the worth of a child is far more than this estimated cost.

How Much Does It Cost to Raise a Child? 

By ALICE MAGGIN and SADIE BASS
Aug. 4, 2009

The Department of Agriculture released a report today that says middle-income families with a child born in 2008 will spend $221,190 to raise that child through high school.

That's $291,570 when the cost is adjusted for inflation. The report, "Expenditures in Children by Families," said parents can expect to spend $11,610 to $13,480 each year, depending on the age of the child. So, what's so expensive? The largest cost is housing, which averages $69,660 -- that's 32 percent of the total cost over the child's lifetime. Next up is food and child care/education, which average 16 percent each. Add in the price of transportation, health care and clothing and you've got one expensive child.

There are some variables that can affect how much a family spends. Not surprisingly, parents with a higher annual income end up spending more on child costs, the report said.

Specifically, a family earning less than $56,870 annually will spend $159,870 over their child's lifetime, according to the report. Families earning between $56,870 and $98,470 will spend $221,190 and families that earn more than $98,470 can expect to spend $366,660, the report said.

The number of kids in a family also influences a family's spending habits. Only children get more of their parents' money than kids with siblings. Parents with one child spend 26 percent of their income, but that amount increases to 39 percent if there are two children, and 48 percent if there are three, the USDA report said.

Region is another factor -- costs are highest in the urban Northeast, followed by cities in the West and Midwest.

"Families living in the urban South and rural areas have the lowest child-rearing expenses," the study said.

And finally, the older the child, the higher the cost. As kids get older, their needs become more expensive.

Today's Numbers Compared to 1960

The USDA first released its report on child costs in 1960, when it estimated that a child would cost his or her parents $25,230 (that's $183,509 in 2008 dollars).

Since then, the largest change has been the cost of child care. With more families with two working parents, child care has become a "significant" expense for many families

The USDA plans to release a 2008 version of its Cost of Raising a Child Calculator. The online calculator is designed to help families easily estimate their costs, and makes the figures from the report easier to understand.

The calculator takes into account the ages and number of children in a family, the number of parents in the home, where the family lives and the overall household income.

Today's report does not factor in the cost of college, which can reach into the hundreds of thousands of dollars.

As Raaben Andrews of St. Louis told The Associated Press, "Well, that's not the half of it. I still have to put the little buggers through college."