Advice from Elder Busche

Elder F. Enzio Busche

Quorum of the Seventy

BYU Devotional May 14, 1996

I want to share with you a vehicle, an instrument, that I developed some time ago for myself and for my family. It can assist us to reach our focus as we read the suggested vision of true discipleship as a Latter-day Saint. It helps when we, from time to time, ponder and seek identification with the following thoughts.

Embrace this day with an enthusiastic welcome, no matter how it looks. The covenant with God to which you are true enables you to become enlightened by him, and nothing is impossible for you.

When you are physically sick, tired, or in despair, steer your thoughts away from yourself and direct them, in gratitude and love, toward God.

In your life there have to be challenges. They will either bring you closer to God and therefore make you stronger, or they can destroy you. But you make the decision of which road you take.

First and foremost, you are a spirit child of God. If you neglect to feed your spirit, you will reap unhappiness. Don’t permit anything to detract you from this awareness.

You cannot communicate with God unless you have first sacrificed your self-oriented natural man and have brought yourself into the lower levels of meekness, to become acceptable for the Light of Christ.

Put all frustrations, hurt feelings, and grumblings into the perspective of your eternal hope. Light will flow into your soul. Pause to ponder the suffering Christ felt in the Garden of Gethsemane. In the awareness of the depth of gratitude for him, you appreciate every opportunity to show your love for him by diligently serving in his Church. God knows that you are not perfect.

As you suffer about your imperfections he will give you comfort and suggestions of where to improve. God knows better than you what you need. He always attempts to speak to you.

Listen, and follow the uncomfortable suggestions that he makes to us—everything will fall into its place.

Avoid any fear like your worst enemy, but magnify your fear about the consequences of sin.

When you cannot love someone, look into that person’s eyes long enough to find the hidden rudiments of the child of God in him. Never judge anyone. When you accept this, you will be freed. In the case of your own children or subordinates, where you have the responsibility to judge help them to become their own judges.

If someone hurts you so much that your feelings seem to choke you, forgive and you will be free again.

Avoid at all cost any pessimistic, negative, or criticizing thoughts. If you cannot cut them out, they will do you harm.

On the road to salvation let questions arise but never doubts. If something is wrong, God will give you clarity but never doubts. Avoid rush and haste and uncontrolled words.

Divine light develops in places of peace and quiet. Be aware of that as you enter places of worship.

Be not so much concerned about what you do, but what you do with all your heart, might, and strength. In thoroughness is satisfaction.

You want to be good and do good, that is commendable, but the greatest achievement that can be reached in our lives is to be under the complete influence of the Holy Ghost then he will teach us what is really good and necessary to do.

The pain of sacrifice last only on moment. It is the fear of the pain of sacrifice that makes you hesitate to do it. Be grateful for every opportunity to serve. It helps you more than those you serve.

And finally, when you are compelled to give up something or when things that are dear to you are withdrawn from you, know this is your lesson to be learned right now. But know also that as you are learning this lesson God wants to give you something better.

Thus, we prepare all the days of our lives, and, as we grow death loses its sting, hell loses its power, and we look forward to that day with anticipation of joy when He will come in his glory.

Moments that Matter Most

"We would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most.


Diligently doing the things that matter most will lead us to the Savior of the world. That is why “we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, … that [we] may know to what source [we] may look for a remission of [our] sins.” ⁸ In the complexity, confusion, and rush of modern living, this is the “more excellent way.” 


Of Things that Matter Most- President Uchtdorf

The do not love that do not show their love

"Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. We must deal with them the best we can. But we should not let them get in the way of what is most important—and what is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. Wrote William Shakespeare, “They do not love that do not show their love.” We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us.

Despite the changes which come into our lives and with gratitude in our hearts, may we fill our days—as much as we can—with those things which matter most. May we cherish those we hold dear and express our love to them in word and in deed." 


President Monson
Finding Joy In the Journey

Making Decisions

"In my quiet moments, I think of the future with all of its wonderful possibilities and with all of its terrible temptations. I wonder what will happen to you in the next 10 years. Where will you be? What will you be doing? 
That will depend on the choices you make, some of which may seem unimportant at the time but which will have tremendous consequences.
"Someone has said, 'It may make a difference to all eternity whether we do right or wrong today' (James Freeman Clarke, in Elbert Hubbard's Scrap Book [1923], 95).
"You have the potential to become anything to which you set your mind. You have a mind and a body and a spirit. With these three working together, you can walk the high road that leads to achievement and happiness. But this will require effort andsacrifice and faith."

Gordon B. Hinckley, "Stay on the High Road," Ensign, May 2004, 112-13

Becoming Great Women

"...You cannot do everything well at the same time. You cannot be a 100 percent wife, a 100 percent mother, a 100 percent church worker, a 100 percent career person, and a 100 percent public-service person at the same time. How can all of these roles be coordinated? Says Sarah Davidson: “The only answer I come up with is that you can have it sequentially. At one stage you may emphasize career, and at another marriage and nurturing young children, and at any point you will be aware of what is missing. If you are lucky, you will be able to fit everything in.” (Ibid.)

Doing things sequentially—filling roles one at a time at different times—is not always possible, as we know, but it gives a woman the opportunity to do each thing well in its time and to fill a variety of roles in her life. A woman does not necessarily have to track a career like a man does. She may fit more than one career into the various seasons of life. She need not try to sing all of the verses of her song at the same time.

The Book of Ecclesiastes says: “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” (Eccl. 3:1.)

The various roles of women have not decreased a woman’s responsibility. While these roles are challenging, the central roles of wife and mother remain in the soul and cry out to be satisfied. It is in the soul to want to love and be loved by a good man and to be able to respond to the God-given, deepest feelings of womanhood—those of being a mother and nurturer.

Now, I wish to note clearly that what I am saying is in the spirit of general counsel—that is, it applies generally. But there are exceptions in its application...I join Brigham Young in saying, “Daughter(s), use all your gifts to build up righteousness in the earth.”

A Message to My Granddaughters: Becoming Great Women. Ensign, Sept. 1986, 16

Remember Lot's Wife

I attended this devotional at BYU in January 2009 and it really changed my outlook on life, my work as a therapist and my marriage.

I've put some excerpts here, but go watch it if you have the time. It's about 30 minutes long.

Remember Lot's Wife
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
As a scriptural theme for this discussion I have chosen the second shortest verse in all of Holy Scripture...It is Luke 17:32, where the Savior cautions, "Remember Lot's wife."

The original story, of course, comes to us out of the days of Sodom and Gomorrah when the Lord, having had as much as He could stand of the worst that men and women could do, told Lot and his family to flee because those cities were about to be destroyed. "Escape for thy life," the Lord said, "look not behind thee . . . ; escape to the mountain, lest thou be consumed" (Genesis 19:17).

Surely with the Lord's counsel "look not behind thee" ringing clearly in her ears, Lot's wife, the record says, "looked back," and she was turned to a pillar of salt.

So, if history is this important ‐‐ and it surely is ‐‐ what did Lot's wife do that was so wrong?

Apparently what was wrong with Lot's wife is that she wasn't just looking back, but that in her heart she wanted to go back. It would appear that even before they were past the city limits, she was already missing what Sodom and Gomorrah had offered her. As Elder Maxwell once said, such people know they should have their primary residence in Zion but they still hope to keep a
summer cottage in Babylon. It is possible that Lot's wife looked back with resentment toward the Lord for what He was asking her to leave behind. We know that Laman and Lemuel did when Lehi and his family were commanded to leave Jerusalem. So it isn't just that she looked
back; she looked back longingly. In short, her attachment to the past outweighed her confidence in the future. That, apparently, was at least part of her sin.

The past is to be learned from but not lived in.

There is something in us, at least in too many of us, that particularly fails to forgive and forget earlier mistakes in life ‐‐ either mistakes we ourselves have made or the mistakes of others. That is not good. It is not Christian. It stands in terrible opposition to the grandeur and majesty of the
Atonement of Christ. To be tied to earlier mistakes ‐‐ our own or other people's ‐‐ is the worst kind of wallowing in the past from which we are called to cease and desist.

That happens in marriages, too, and in the other relationships we have. I can't tell you the number of couples I have counseled who, when they are deeply hurt or even just deeply stressed, reach farther and farther into the past to find yet a bigger brick to throw through
the window "pain" of their marriage. When something is over and done with, when it has been repented of as fully as it can be repented of, when life has moved on as it should and a lot of other
wonderfully good things have happened since then, it is not right to go back and open up some ancient wound which the Son of God Himself died trying to heal.

Let people repent. Let people grow. Believe that people can change, and improve. Is that faith? Yes! Is it hope? Yes! Is it charity? Yes! Above all it is charity, the pure love of Christ. If something is buried in the past, leave it buried. Don't keep going back with your little sand pail and beach shovel to dig it up, wave it around, and then throw it at someone saying, "Hey! Do you remember this?" Splat! Well, guess what? That is probably going to result in some ugly morsel being dug up out of your landfill with the reply, "Yeah, I remember it. Do you remember this?" Splat. And everyone comes out of that exchange dirty and muddy and unhappy and hurt, when what our Father in Heaven pleads for is cleanliness and kindness and happiness and healing.

Such dwelling on past lives, including past mistakes, is not right! It is not the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

In these cases of marriage and family, and wards and apartments and neighborhoods we can end up destroying so many, many others.

"Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more" (D&C 58:42).

We can be so hard on ourselves, often much more so than with others! Like the Anti‐ Nephi‐Lehies of the Book of Mormon, bury your weapons of war, and leave them buried. Forgive, and do that which is harder than to forgive. Forget. And when it comes to mind, forget it again. You can remember just enough to avoid repeating the mistake, but put the rest of it on the dung heap Paul spoke of to those Philippians.

Dismiss the destructive and keep dismissing it, until the beauty of the Atonement of Christ has revealed to you your bright future, and the bright future of your family and your friends and your neighbors.

To all such of every generation I call out, "Remember Lot's wife." Faith is for the future. Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there. Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us and that Christ is the "high priest of good things to come."

Keep your eyes on your dreams, however distant, and live to see the miracles of repentance and
forgiveness, trust and divine love transform your life today, tomorrow and forever."

Transition Time

Today, I went to my sister's ward. It was bit weird to go back to a single's ward again. It seemed like everybody had devoted a lot of time and energy to their appearance with the latest fashions and you could see how some girls would get nervous around boys. Maybe, I was just seeing what I wanted to see, but it was still amusing.

The first girl talked about faith and how they're in this transition time waiting to find their spouse, finish their degrees and move on to "real life". It reminded me that I really need to enjoy the present or else I'll always just think I'm in transition to something better. It's so easy to get caught up in what I don't have at the moment. I'm waiting for him to sleep in his crib, hold his head up, have a more predictable schedule, my husband to find a job and finish school, having a better income, having a real house that we own etc... but I bet once we get to the next point, I'll still be looking forward to something else. There's always something in the future.

Last night, baby woke up around 3am for a feeding and he smiled at me as we came to sit down in the glider. It made me so grateful for the close intimate moments we have together. Breastfeeding has been a very bonding experience for me. I'm going to miss when he's not breastfeeding anymore. I began wondering what things he will come to me for when he's older. It's kinda nice to feel needed by him and know that I am the one to provide him with the nutrients he needs to grow and stay healthy. It's also cute how his head is so floppy and will just rest where its put when he's tired and asleep.

I changed his outfit this morning and realized his onesies are getting a bit more fitted on him (as in they are actually starting to fit). I'm going to be sad when he outgrows these newborn sized onesies. Yup, he's 7 weeks and still wearing the smaller newborn stuff- Carter's fits him best.

We were really spoiled for 4 years and especially since June. Sometimes, I put off going to bed once baby is down just so I can be awake with him. It's nice to have him around most of the day, too.

I'm loving the support and encouragement I get from my peers and professors. While the PhD program is tough, I'm glad I only have classes 3 days a week and only 2 with real weekly homework. The class we teach is getting more fun and it's an awesome opportunity. I'm grateful to pursue a career I really enjoy and love.

I know I'm not always going to be super optimistic about life in the present moment, but I hope I can be better.

Luke 17:32

I often assign religious couples that I see in therapy to read and/or watch a talk given by Elder Holland. It is entitled Remember Lot's Wife. I watched this devotional (maybe sang at it, too? I can't remember) at the beginning of 2009 and often think back on it. I think it is so important to remember Lot's wife and what happened to her. I was reminded of this as I watched the most recent Mormon Message.

The most recent Mormon Message was created around the premise "Look Not Behind Thee" (Gen 19:17).

I encourage you to watch at least the Mormon Message. 

For those of you wanting to go the extra mile, I encourage you to watch Elder Holland's devotional. You can watch it at http://www.byub.org/talks/talk.aspx?id=3403. Watch it with your loved ones if you want.

Some of my favorites from this talk: 
"Faith is always pointed toward the future"

"There is something in us, at least in too many of us, that particularly fails to forgive and forget earlier mistakes in life ‐‐ either mistakes we ourselves have made or the mistakes of others. That is not good. It is not Christian. It stands in terrible opposition to the grandeur and majesty of the Atonement of Christ. To be tied to earlier mistakes ‐‐ our own or other people's ‐‐ is the worst kind of wallowing in the past from which we are called to cease and desist."

"I can't tell you the number of couples I have counseled who, when they are deeply hurt or even just deeply stressed, reach farther and farther into the past to find yet a bigger brick to throw through the window "pain" of their marriage. When something is over and done with, when it has been repented of as fully as it can be repented of, when life has moved on as it should and a lot of other wonderfully good things have happened since then, it is not right to go back and open up some ancient wound which the Son of God Himself died trying to heal. Let people repent. Let people grow. Believe that people can change, and improve."

"If something is buried in the past, leave it buried. Don't keep going back with your little sand pail and beach shovel to dig it up, wave it around, and then throw it at someone saying, "Hey! Do you remember this?" Splat! Well, guess what? That is probably going to result in some ugly morsel being dug up out of your landfill with the reply, "Yeah, I remember it. Do you remember this?" Splat. And everyone comes out of that exchange dirty and muddy and unhappy and hurt, when what our Father in Heaven pleads for is cleanliness and kindness and happiness and healing. Such dwelling on past lives, including past mistakes, is not right! It is
not the Gospel of Jesus Christ."

"We can be so hard on ourselves, often much more so than with others! Like the Anti‐ Nephi‐Lehies of the Book of Mormon, bury your weapons of war, and leave them buried.Forgive, and do that which is harder than to forgive. Forget. And when it comes to mind, forget it again. You can remember just enough to avoid repeating the mistake, but put the rest of it on the dung heap Paul spoke of to those Philippians."

"Keep your eyes on your dreams, however distant, and live to see the miracles of repentance and forgiveness, trust and divine love transform your life today, tomorrow and forever. That is a New Year's resolution I ask you to keep."

Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread

I wasn't able to go to church today but this is what stood out to me from the fireside our lesson was based on.


Elder D. Todd Christofferson,  “Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread”  

Thoughtful planning and preparation are key to a rewarding future, but we do not live in the future—we live in the present. It is day by day that we work out our plans for the future; it is day by day that we achieve our goals. It is one day at a time that we raise and nurture our families. It is one day at a time that we overcome imperfections. We endure in faith to the end one day at a time. It is the accumulation of many days well-lived that adds up to a full life and a saintly person.
  
Consistent effort in seemingly small, daily steps is a key principle in achieving any great work, including progress in the pathway of discipleship.

In the 1950s my mother survived radical cancer surgery, but difficult as that was, the surgery was followed with dozens of painful radiation treatments in what would now be considered rather primitive medical conditions. She recalls that her mother taught her something during that time that has helped her ever since: “I was so sick and weak, and I said to her one day, ‘Oh, Mother, I can’t stand having 16 more of those treatments.’ She said, ‘Can you go today?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Well, honey, that’s all you have to do today.’ It has helped me many times when I remember to take one day or one thing at a time.” 

Thinking of our daily bread keeps us aware of the details of our lives, of the significance of the small things that occupy our days. Experience teaches that in a marriage, for example, a steady stream of simple kindnesses, help, and attention do much more to keep love alive and nurture the relationship than an occasional grand or expensive gesture. That is not to say, brethren—you who are married—that your wife wouldn’t appreciate something new and really nice to wear or occasionally some other gift that expresses, with an exclamation point, how you feel about her (within the parameters, of course, of your miserable budget). It’s just that a constant, daily expression of affection, in both words and actions, is far more meaningful in the long run.

Priorities

One of my friends posted this on her blog and it was a good reminder for me.

In 1965 President David O McKay spoke to members of the new building committee of the LDS church regarding priorities. President McKay warned them that their new assignment would stretch them to their limits of their time and effort. He told them to not sacrifice the important things for the least important. He then assured them that they would one day have a personal interview with the Savior and then he proceeded to tell them the order for which Jesus Christ would ask for an accounting of their earthly responsibilities:

"Let my assure you, Brethren, that some day you will have a personal Priesthood interview with the Savior, Himself. If you are interested, I will tell you the order in which He will ask you to account for your earthly responsibilities. 

First, He will request an accountability report about your relationship with your wife. Have you actively been engaged in making her happy and ensuring that her needs have been met as an individual? 

Second, He will want an accountability report about each of your children individually. He will not attempt to have this for simply a family stewardship but will request information about your relationship to each and every child. 

Third, He will want to know what you personally have done with the talents you were given in the pre-existence. 

Fourth, He will want a summary of your activity in your church assignments. He will not be necessarily interested in what assignments you have had, for in his eyes the home teacher and a mission president are probably equals, but He will request a summary of how you have been of service to your fellowmen in your Church assignments. 

Fifth, He will have no interest in how you earned your living, but if you were honest in all your dealings. 

Sixth, He will ask for an accountability on what you have done to contribute in a positive manner to your community, state, country, and the world."